laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 Hi everyone, It's been about a month since he decided to end the relationship. We initially did NC for a week, and after that he ended it. We kept in little contact for a while, until recently he would text me every day. Last night after we had been texting back and forth, I said "Today's a month since you and me. Do you still think it was the best decision?" He don't respond to that but I figured maybe he went to bed. Then today, when it was clear he was ignoring it, I said "I didn't mean to make things awkward...I really was just looking for an answer. Have a good day" and of course nothing. I don't understand why he couldn't have answered "yes, it was for the best" or "yes, but I still want to be friends/talk to you/have you in my life/whatever". I just don't get it Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 You are still letting him control the outcome of the situation. Why are you still texting him? Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Well, we were friends before we dated and I suppose if I knew for a fact that's all he wanted I think I could deal with it. But keeping it how it is confuses me because I don't know why he's in contact with me (he initiates the texts) Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 So when he ignores you, you send a text again. You have your answer and he answered it with silence. So for the rest of the week you should strictly ignore him. You are not friends with him now, your still hoping to be his g/friend and he knows that. Link to comment
greta96 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 What does it matter why he's in contact with you? It could be because he hasn't found anyone to be with yet, and he was in need of some ego boosts, which you clearly gave him by breaking your N/C. The only thing you need to focus on is that he made a choice, and that was to dump you. You did wrong by breaking the N/C, because look at what's happening now - you are confused, not even close to starting the moving on process, and full of questions. Don't you think you deserve more than some guy who didn't like you enough to keep dating you, and who's just stringing you along for his own benefit? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 If you want a friendship with him then the question you asked is off limits. Sorry you are disappointed with his response and understand that if he felt he made a mistake he most likely would want you to be the first to know so that you wouldn't get snapped up by some other guy. Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 That's very true. For some reason since the break up I had it in my head to ask him in a month if he still felt the same. It's been difficult because we have the same group of friends and I can't imagine things not being civil between us but maybe it just can't be, I don't know. It's difficult when you have 30+ of the same friends. Well, maybe he won't ever respond and the decision will be made for me. I really did try my best with this one Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 So when he ignores you, you send a text again. You have your answer and he answered it with silence. So for the rest of the week you should strictly ignore him. You are not friends with him now, your still hoping to be his g/friend and he knows that. Maybe he felt I wouldn't have respected his answer if he said yes, I'm glad we're over. I just didn't understand his contact Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 From here on in, I would not reply to any of his texts. Let him get all angry and mad. He does not feel he has to answer your texts, so ignore his. Don't let him play the friendship card either. The friendship ended when the relationship ended. You do not have to talk to him and feel guilty for ignoring him. Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 I doubt he will text me again. I don't know why he couldn't be decent about it but I can't change how he handles things. He had an issue at work and I helped him through it, even after things ended. I think he's selfish (he has admitted to it) and I shouldn't have expected anything different I guess Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 That's very true. For some reason since the break up I had it in my head to ask him in a month if he still felt the same. It's been difficult because we have the same group of friends and I can't imagine things not being civil between us but maybe it just can't be, I don't know. It's difficult when you have 30+ of the same friends. Well, maybe he won't ever respond and the decision will be made for me. I really did try my best with this one It can be civil. Civil means you are polite to each other in person. He responded with silence because you put him on the spot and did it by texting which means he also couldn't read tone, inflection, etc. That's nice that you helped him but you did it partly because you want him back and you asked him your question because of your need, not because you were thinking of what was best for him. That is kind of self-absorbed. I understand it's difficult that you have mutual friends but just be pleasant and perhaps this will motivate you to meet new people. Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Batya33, you're right. I think if I think deeply about my actions in relationships, I tend to fool myself into thinking it's what's best for them, but I think I tend to be selfish. I'm not sure how to work on this but I definitely want to try! Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 So he responded, but made no mention of my question. Just talked about work.... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 I'd take that as yes, he does think it was the right decision. How are you going to feel when he starts texting you asking for advice about some new woman he's dating? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 So he responded, but made no mention of my question. Just talked about work.... Then you have your answer. He doesn't want to address the relationship because there isn't one. Being asked again to reconfirm something that's already been agreed upon is awkward and unnecessary. He may be trying to be civil, after all that's what you wanted, correct? I can see him reaching out is confusing. If it were me I would put a stop to it. I am sorry. . I can tell you were hoping for more. But stop setting yourself up for this. So your choices are (for the sake of your social circle) you can have limited contact, only if you know you can handle it and keep your emotions in check. Or no contact. You can be polite when you see him but stop open door policy that he currently uses to have access to you. Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 13, 2015 Author Share Posted August 13, 2015 Then you have your answer. He doesn't want to address the relationship because there isn't one. Being asked again to reconfirm something that's already been agreed upon is awkward and unnecessary. He may be trying to be civil, after all that's what you wanted, correct? I can see him reaching out is confusing. If it were me I would put a stop to it. I am sorry. . I can tell you were hoping for more. But stop setting yourself up for this. So your choices are (for the sake of your social circle) you can have limited contact, only if you know you can handle it and keep your emotions in check. Or no contact. You can be polite when you see him but stop open door policy that he currently uses to have access to you. What would you do? I really don't know how to handle a situation like this. He hasn't even told his mom about us breaking up Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 What would you do? I really don't know how to handle a situation like this. He hasn't even told his mom about us breaking up Me? . I am all about No contact. It's the healthiest option for me. His actions and your responses keep you from moving on. Move on. . forget about him. In the off chance he realizes what he's lost, he'll find you. But do not count on it and don't do NC for that reason. Limbo is the WORST place to be. If you see him in your social circles, talk the high road and acknowledge him. But that's it. He may very well be feeding you just enough bread crumbs to keep you on a shelf. That's not fair to you. But not his job to take care of you, it's yours. Find the path that gets you to the other side and stick to it. I have 2 sons and though we are close I am not always the first one to know their dating status. His mom not knowing isn't indicative of anything. Don't read into it. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 What would you do? I really don't know how to handle a situation like this. He hasn't even told his mom about us breaking up Well, that's not really your concern, is it? Don't read it as a sign he wants you back. You obviously gave him a huge opening and he chose not to take it. So, don't waste any more energy wondering why he's doing what he's doing. Focus on you. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 That's very true. For some reason since the break up I had it in my head to ask him in a month if he still felt the same. It's been difficult because we have the same group of friends and I can't imagine things not being civil between us but maybe it just can't be, I don't know. It's difficult when you have 30+ of the same friends. Well, maybe he won't ever respond and the decision will be made for me. I really did try my best with this one So on the month anniversary of the break up...you ask if that was really what he wanted. He did. Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 He asked me to go golfing sometime. I think he wants to be platonic friends but this strikes me as strange since when he ended it, he said he wanted a clean break... Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Friends with an ex is usually a very bad idea if either one still has feelings for the other. I'd pass on the golf game for at least a year or two or probably never. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 Demotion - don't do it Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 He asked me to go golfing sometime. I think he wants to be platonic friends but this strikes me as strange since when he ended it, he said he wanted a clean break... Except you reached out to him and asked if he really wanted the break up. So now he feels sorry for you and is offering some golf day in the unknown future. Stop contacting him. Link to comment
laelithia Posted August 15, 2015 Author Share Posted August 15, 2015 Except you reached out to him and asked if he really wanted the break up. So now he feels sorry for you and is offering some golf day in the unknown future. Stop contacting him. No, I didn't reach out to him first. After weeks of him texting me (always him initiating) I asked him that question to see where we stood Link to comment
Helpexpressme Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 I wouldn't go golfing with him. I hope you didn't say yes. Link to comment
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