Contacting ex boyfriend after 2 months of NC. Want to make peace with it/friends

[Princessm29]

My ex boyfriend of 1.5 years and I broke up this past March after a drunken fight and us both confused on where we wanted our futures/careers to go. We had started off long distance after meeting in our hometown and then because of a depression episode, I moved home once I graduated and visited him every other weekend where he went to school which was only 3 hours away. He moved home once he graduated as well that year, and we both got lost in each other and held off looking for jobs and where we should be moving.

 

Our breakup was clean at first, but then I started to get so upset that he would become mean to me and sent horrible texts like "leave me the alone" and told people crazy stories on how we broke up. I went a month of NC but finally broke it and asked if we could meet up for coffee. He was all for it and we got coffee a few days in a row and we were not confused on whether we should get back together. One day at his house, he started to make moves on me and he said he was confused on whether he just missed me sexually or missed us, so we ended up sleeping together. We texted a lot after that and still hung out, but finally I asked what he wanted. He said he didn't want to do long distance again and that was it, so I was still broken up about it even though I didn't show him.

 

We continued on being good friends and hanging out all the time when he just decided that we were talking too much like an actual couple. He also asked me if I had been on any dates recently and I said just one, and he ended up getting extremely upset about this and it killed me. I was so upset that my mom noticed and immediately knew so without me knowing she sent him a text saying to leave me alone and that he wasn't wanted around her. She had no place to say that and I got pissed because he texted me immediately after saying he didn't want to be friends anymore. I was devastated.

 

2 weeks passed and I told him I missed being friends. Also at the time his dad had just lost his job and I found out after contacting him, but he took it the wrong was when I said I was sorry about his dad's job and told me I couldn't just come around when hit the fan and that he wanted me out of his life. I begged and begged to let him know I couldn't just lose him forever Asa friend because he meant so much, so he said we could text every now and then. One day, I texted him asking how he was and he sent me an awful text back saying horrible things about my parents, best friend, sister and my job.

 

At that point, I was so upset that all my friends told me to block him and get rid of him on social media, which I did. He sent a text a little while later saying he went too far and was sorry but I never responded.

 

It's officially been 2 months since we talked and I still think about him everyday and it kills me that we left things on such bad terms. He's blocked me on social media even though I defriended him and I feel like that's him trying to one up me. I just don't like leaving things like this since he was so special to me and we went through a lot of things together, but everyone keeps saying I shouldn't contact him.

 

My question is would it be bad of me to send him something where I've apologized for pushing him over the edge when I should have left him alone and that I forgiven him for everything he has said? Do you think he would respond? I'm not trying to get back together with him. I either want us to not hate each other or try to be friends.

[j.man]

1) You don't want to just be friends with him.

2) This guy has made it clear... like... abundantly clear that he doesn't want you talking to him. He doesn't want to be friends and he isn't going to care a single bit about any effort you make to clear the air. In fact, he'll probably just resent you more for it.

 

Just think about it, chica. You're thinking about showing him you're sorry for not leaving him alone by.... not leaving him alone.

 

Do what's best for not just him, but you. Stay no-contact. You can't keep 'em all.

[No1]

Love the use of "friends" as an excuse. And yes thats what it is, an excuse. You two are not 'friends', case in point: when you told him you had been on a date and he got upset, thats not a 'friend' he is a jealous X boyfriend. Your mom was right, just went about things the wrong way but she was protecting you. Your mom knows that what you were doing was only hurting and not helping you. What happened was that hanging with your X only delayed your healing and kept you in denial that the relationship was over. In fact you said you were acting like a couple, but please good friends? Does a good friend get mad that you went out on a date?

 

Im not saying Xs cant be friends, but in your case you two cant be friends right now. Thats just an excuse to want to talk to him. And just why do you really want to be a friend to your X? Do you really want to hear it when he says he is happy he is not dating you anymore or that he found the girl of his dreams? Do you want to hear how sexy she is or how holding her or kissing her or having sex with her makes him so happy? Do you really want to hear that or would it hurt you? Do you think your X would love to hear about you going out on dates and kissing another guy? I dont think so. You two are not friends, you two are still Xs.