Ask her out or not - your advice needed

[dancingmsg]

Hello there,

 

I don't have much experiences with girls. So you help would be greatly appreciated.

 

Here is the story. I found that I reallylike this girl at my work. We don't talk too much since we are not on the same floor although we work in the the same unit.

 

She is being very nice to me (she is nice to everybody I have to say), smiling all the time, exchange eye contacts with me. Since I heard that she has a BF, I kind of avoid the idea of asking her out. But tonight we just went out with couple of people at work and had a couple of beers. I tried to talk to her. She told me that she plays video game a lot. And she is living with her parents to lower the living expenses.

 

I was wondering is it possible that she is not with her BF anymore. I don't think that many girls would stay their parents house while they are having a relationship with BF, right?

 

I told her that she helped me a lot at work (maybe a bad excuse), I'd like to buy her a drink. She started saying "You don't have to". I pushed it a little bit saying "I want to". She goes "Next time, Next time". Repeated twice.

 

What does this "Next time" mean? Is this "Next time" a turn off sign for me or just a "next time"?

 

What would be the best move for me? I really don't what to regret someday "what if". So please help me out. If you don't think that i have a chance with this "NEXT TIME" thing, I will just let it go. Don't want to get both of us awkward at work.

 

Thanks a lot

[DN]

Plenty people stay at their parent's houses who have boy/girlfrinds. I hate to say it but I woud suspect she has a boyfriend and is not interested in you right now. Back off, give it time and see if she gives any signals that say I'm wrong. But don't let hope distort reality for you

[traz]

Unforunately, it doesn't seem like she's given any big indications that she might like you...at least not from what you've given us. In addition, it's not uncommon for people to stay at their parents while having relationships still.

 

try and find out if she still has a boyfriend (besides the parents thing, what else makes you think she might not have one anymore?), and if she does back off, if not, try and take her up on that "next time" offer.

[dancingmsg]

Yeah, I kind of thought the same way too. I will probably just wait and see.

 

What made you think that she is not interested? The "next time" thing? Sorry I had to ask because i want to learn how to read signals.

 

A related question would be what kind of signals that I would expect to see as "signals of interest" from a girl

 

god, this girlfriend thing, is way too complicated

[traz]

I wasn't thinking that she was uninterested, just that there's no way to tell if she's interested.

 

The next time bit can mean anything, to that she feels uncomfortable about you buying her a drink, or she's just having fun and being nice. Who knows, I certainly don't. It could mean anything or nothing at all.

 

Basically...you can't tell from the information you gave. She didn't do anything positive, nor anything negative.

[dancingmsg]

Ah, I see. I think that I might need to find out whether she is still with boyfriend or not. That is going to be the definitive answer about whether I have a chance or not, right?

 

But how do I do that? I don't want to ask people working close to her since you know that words can spread out so fast. It might end up with everybody at my work place talking about me. You know what people do when they are bored. It's a little bit awkward, I think.

 

Any suggestions?

[DN]

what made me think she is not interested was the "next time, next time" it appears as if she were saying it as a means of brushing you off but trying to be polite. If she were interested she would have said something like "Well I can't this time but I'd love to next time" Not exactly those words and maybe less confident or whatever. But definitely more as if she really meant it.

Sorry.

[Jimbo10]

Don't read into the "next time" stuff. Honestly, we could sit and geuss what it meant, and still be wrong, no matter how long we took. Just go for it!!!! A "no" might hurt your ego a touch, but it isn't a huge deal. Ask for a coffee, or a movie, or dinner! Don't worry about the beer thing, for all we know, she doesnt like beer, or didn't want anouther, or someone else owed her, or who knows why. I won't deny it MIGHT mean something, but you sound like a nice guy, i'm sure you have a good shot!

 

Good gettem

GOod luck,

Jimbo

[asmodai]

Firstly - this is only my opinion, you know what to do because you know more about this situation than anyone here. If you feel up to taking a shot then go for it, but if it was me i wouldn't be so forward so soon without knowing the details, as you dont want to ruin things by going in full throttle. Look at it this way: in a subtile way you've made your feelings known to her by wanting to buy her a drink. Its not much but its a start.

 

I'd hang back and find out what her situation is. Make it known to her that you enjoy being around her but dont confess your feelings yet. I'm no psycologist but repeating herself (the 'next time next time') is a common thing people do to reassure themselves-like maybe she hadn't thought about it before, but was in a way saying to herself that there would be a next time... if that makes any sense...

 

Play it cool and let things pan out. Even if she dosn't have a b/f now it might be that right now she isn't ready for a relationship, so even if she went out with you now it could be nothing more than a rebound and chances are it wouldn't go anywhere..

 

Just my thoughts...

[dancingmsg]

Great! I think I learned a lot from you guys. I will take your advices and be careful with my moves. Will keep you updated and maybe ask for more suggestions. Thanks

[CptKipling]

If she has a boyfriend then will tell you about in good time. There is no reason why you shouldn't go for her because you suspect she has a boyfriend, that just stinks of an excuse.

 

Make a move, flirt with her (be funny jokey and teasing) and STOP asking her permission to do stuff. Why did you want to buy her a drink? I'm as confused as she probably was. You need to create a situation were she likes you enough to really appreciate that gesture before you do it, or it will just seem weird and needy as I'm affraid to say it may have done.

 

Sorry for the bluntness, but I speak the truth

[dancingmsg]

wow, you mean i should go for it? man, your approach is little bit aggressive. but hey, you might be right. i'll think about it

[Timbits]

yeah if you ask for her permission everytime she may feel that things aren't coming natural between the two of you. When things feel natural, people open up to each other, whether in a friendship or a romantic relationship. Engage in small talk with her. Exchanging opinions may expose somthing that both of you have interests in, for example, whats your favourite movie/sport/tv show/etc. The conversation can go from there. Be polite and don't exert your "neediness". Once you are on her good side then you can say things like "We should have a drink sometime!" From what I've read thus far, most girls are not receptive to being asked out by people they barely know and who have met only once. Take my advice with a grain of salt. I, myself do not have much experience in this realm of life (i.e. romantic relationships). I just wanted to help you out because I, at one point in my life, shared those same exact feelings. Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst.

[CptKipling]

wow, you mean i should go for it? man, your approach is little bit aggressive. but hey, you might be right. i'll think about it

 

Why not? You don't lose anything by trying

 

 

yeah if you ask for her permission everytime she may feel that things aren't coming natural between the two of you

 

And it usually shows that you have no confidence.

[dancingmsg]

And it usually shows that you have no confidence.

Actually I have to say i am that kind of guy who does not have

much confidence. I was educated that way... en.. being humble.

I guess that is why I have problem find a girlfriend.... time for

a change

[dancingmsg]

I still have that question in my mind. How can I read what you call "SIGNALS" from girl. As I said, I had no experience so ther might be some girlls giving me signals that I did pick up. Of course I might have never gotten one. But still what do you guys consider as "SIGNALS"?

[dancingmsg]

well, I sort of started this email conversation with her today since i am so shy to talk to her face to face. Besides I took your advice not to let this interfere with our job so I did not go to her office.

 

anyway, I started asking her whether she watched Super Bowl last night and she said she only watched 5 minutes of Paul show. Then I asked if she played video game again she said yes. And told me the counter of her game says she's been playing that game for 72hrs in total and said she realise she needs to get out more. After that I asked what do you do besides game. She said: "Ummmm, Work here? hahahaha" Then she goes on telling me she likes reading books, surfing internet etc.

 

What you guys think? Is she interested in me or not? She never mentioned anyting like going out with her *boyfriend*. Can I take this as a good sign?

 

I am really newbie on this, have no experience. So please give me some advices. I think that I really like this girl, a lot. Don't want to screw it up.