looking through my ipad, phone?

[snoopygal]

So, I've posted before. Long story short I was dumped, and the place I'm moving to isn't available for a few weeks. He's done, I'm struggling. While he says wants to be friends,(and invites me to do things) and is kind, he has made it clear he's done with the relationship. I'm trying my best to be kind in return but avoid him as much as possible. Anyway, I have an iPad and phone. A few times, I've noticed they've moved from where I left them, or had tabs closed/opened. I don't have them password protected. I don't like that and don't have anything to hide anyway. My question is, why would he be looking at my stuff? This NEVER happened while 5 years of dating. Is there an app I can download or a way to have proof that he's been looking?

[journeynow]

So, I've posted before. Long story short I was dumped, and the place I'm moving to isn't available for a few weeks. He's done, I'm struggling. While he says wants to be friends,(and invites me to do things) and is kind, he has made it clear he's done with the relationship. I'm trying my best to be kind in return but avoid him as much as possible. Anyway, I have an iPad and phone. A few times, I've noticed they've moved from where I left them, or had tabs closed/opened. I don't have them password protected. I don't like that and don't have anything to hide anyway. My question is, why would he be looking at my stuff? This NEVER happened while 5 years of dating. Is there an app I can download or a way to have proof that he's been looking?

Why not just password protect them? What would you do if you found out he was looking at them? Wouldn't it add unneeded drama? Password, then there's no worries and you maintain control.

[ParisPaulette]

Well, if he's doing it it's likely more about making sure you don't move on from him before he's fully done with you. That's all that would be about. And put a password on your stuff. You'll know soon enough if you were correct when he comments on it. Otherwise why bother? He's just going to deny it, it'll start a fight, and it's needless drama. If he gets upset you put a password on it tell him since you're exes he no longer gets to wonder what you're doing, period. And leave it at that.

 

Sometimes an ex gets possessive or jealous, not because they want you, they just don't want anyone else to want you or you to want anyone else the ex has fully moved on from you themselves. That's more about some sort of weird power/control point than it is anything else.

 

Also the whole friends thing is either just him trying to make it less awkward OR he's using you as a placeholder to comfort him until he finds someone else. Do neither. Turn down any offers to hang out, get busy and go out and do your own thing and when you move say goodbye, then move to your new place, block and delete him and move on.

 

Nothing good ever came of staying friends with someone who dumped you.

[shessofly]

You didn't feel the need to password protect before because you were living with your boyfriend and had nothing to hide. Now you're living with your ex and he's snooping. I think it's time to lock it up.

[snoopygal]

I did have a password on my phone at one time. I use it for work a lot, and absolutely hated it. I don't know why. I don't mind my iPad being protected. To answer you, I think he wants to make it less awkward, that's all. And I also don't think he'd say anything if he found something. Maybe I'm totally wrong here, but I'm hoping if I caught him red handed it would help my struggle? It would pis me off, and I'd vent here before I said something, so it's not like I'd go haywire and cause drama.

[snoopygal]

We do have a cleaning lady, so that could explain the moving things, and I would just feel better knowing about the tabs...I mean they're always Google or something generic... it's almost like I'm pretty sure I know, but want proof. If that makes sense. I don't have my email, fb, or messages open on my ipad, I have to manually put passwords on each time.

[journeynow]

I think using a password is a symbolic was of establishing your new boundary, and new identity separate from him. Catching him at it, getting angry with him, serves to entangle you more when you need to disengage to start healing.

[crowleysgirl]

And what would you do with the proof? You still have to wait for your new place to be available anyway. Would it be possible for you to stay with family or friends in the meantime? I think he is snooping because he wants to make sure you don't have a new guy yet, since he doesn't have someone new yet. That's his problem, password protect your things and be done with it. Also, don't accept his invitations. You don't need to be his friend. He dumped you.

[snoopygal]

It's not that I'd actually do anything with the proof. I'm not entirely sure it even happened. I was just wondering if he did, and I had proof for myself, then in a way in would help me move to the next stage. We don't need to be friends, but our paths will inevitably cross again unless one of us dumps our friends. We've dated for 5 years, but have been friends for about 15. He's 30 and I'll be 29 in a couple of months, not all, but nearly all of our friends are mutual. We're both trying to make this transition as smooth as possible for those reasons, and because no one did anything "wrong" and we're both sad. I don't think it was necessarily a non compatible situation so much as a timing situation, which is important. Anyway, I was looking for something to make me think "hey, he has a,b and c faults, he's not good for you anyway" because I haven't gotten there yet.

[mhowe]

If he never did it before, I would doubt he is doing it now. It is more likely the cleaning lady.

[relevart]

Don't leave them lying around out in the open. Keep them either on you or in some spot that is just yours. Oh, and password them.

[Seraphim]

My phone is passworded in case it is lost . I am married and have been for a long time. I would just rather if my phone was lost not have complete strangers trolling through my life.

 

This guy is now an ex ,lock your phone.