loulou76 Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I'm a rather shy woman.. but random guys sometimes stop me in the street to ask me out on dates, or ask me out or ask me for my number... I usually say I've got a boyfriend (even though I don't at the moment) as I don't even know these guys, they could be anyone.. However there was a guy who I would occasionally bump into on random occasions ie- in the supermarket, when walking to work etc.. I don't know that much about him, only his name and where he works, he gave me his number and when I texted him he said he thought I wouldn't text and said He thought I'd just throw his number away.. and that he's liked me for ages!! I was like nooo I wouldn't throw away your number - I like you.. He is what you would call attractive and looks a ladies man ie- player. When I texted him though he kept being very forward and pushy sex wise and all the time the conversation kept heading that way even though I tried to steer it away from being raunchy - I said I'd like to meet for a date but he suggested meeting up and going for a weekend in a hotel. For the first date!! I Said ''Nooo way!! I'm not ready for that.. I like to be in a relationship first.. Think we both want different things, I want a boyfriend not a hook up'' So he said ''lets be friends then as I don't want to be too close to anyone, I've been hurt too much''.. So I said that's fine - think we both want different things'' and I haven't text him since.. I told my friend and she said '' I think you spoilt things and pushed yourself on him too quickly and scared him away..'' I really liked him for a long time and thought he liked me... what are other peoples views and is my friend right?? Link to comment
JustWishing Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 I think he is a player and you made the right decision not to pursue this anymore, unless...sex is all you want. Link to comment
Mari Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 ... what are other peoples views and is my friend right?? You made the right decision. Also, it's time to get a new friend that you get advice from. Link to comment
Chalk Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Trust your judgement, ignore your friend. You liked what you thought he could be and not what he is. Link to comment
Pixels Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 There aren't enough font sizes to express how many ways I'd say "no" about this post... First, your friend is an idiot... Stop getting advice from her. If a woman's straightforward and directly told me that she likes me, it's a good thing... Do you seriously want to attract men who would otherwise be SCARED of you? Sounds pretty insecure... Unless you're talking about marriage, kids, vasectomy, and personal expectations WAY too soon... Knowing a woman likes me/what I'm doing is probably the biggest turn-on there is, as long as it doesn't stink of desperation, compromise, or regret. The hotel thing was a sleezy move... Uphold your standards and keep your wits about you. If it feels wrong, it's wrong... If you express yourself honestly, it's right... Any man afraid of an honest gesture isn't a man you want (unless you're the one with a problem). Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 He's a player looking for sex. He is NOT looking for a relationship at all and sees you as a conquest or feather in his cap. He only changed his tactics to "let's be friends" and some lame excuse that would make you feel sorry for him and continue to be in contact, so he can work his magic and get you into bed. And after that you'll quickly be history then be on here boo-hooing about how he's disappeared/picked a fight/moved on and told you he didn't want a relationship at the beginning. As a somewhat shy girl I'm going to tell you bluntly, the guys that chase you and push for sex from the get-go are never wanting you to have a relationship with. They will go through all sorts of motions and say all sorts of things to get you in bed, because they aren't usually used to being told no and they consider it fun to do so. I see nothing in anything you've posted about this guy that says he was interested in and liked you as a person and that's why he contacted you in the first place. He was and still is looking for a hookup, he's just changed his tactics. And having boundaries, knowing what you want, being able to say no and move on when you see you and the other person are not on the same page or they are even lying to you about that isn't being shy--it's called having standards. Use them. And your friend is an idiot. What, you were supposed to say okay and go to a motel to be sexually assaulted potentially? Yeah, nope. He told you he was looking for a booty call and pulled the old "have sympathy on poor little me 'cause I done been hurted" (yes, I am being sarcastic. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that I could take a nice vacation. Wouldn't be rich, but could probably go to Italy anyways.) and you maintained your own boundaries and said that isn't what you want. I call that being smart and independent. Not needy or pushy???? Link to comment
LickitySplit Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 He clearly just wants to boff you. Link to comment
loulou76 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Thanks to everyone, it's great to talk to other people about my situation.. I'm a woman who likes to get to know a guy first, ie go on dates, go out for a meal etc.. before ANYTHING sexy happens and I told him this and he still pushed for meeting up / hooking up. He said lets meet for a date and we'll have a chat and we arranged a time (it was at a bar - in a remote area of town) and he said will anything happen and I said if you mean sex wise then NO he bailed on me before we arranged to meet.. I didn't bother too much - didn't get annoyed with him or anything.. I just said think we both want different things.. said I need to be in a relationship first. Think because I'm on the shy side and a good girl he might've picked up on that and thought with him being older he could boss me about he looks a player and is kinda confident and loud.. I've never done one night stands or anything and after talking with a few friends one or two agreed with me - that I should wait, but others were saying ''aww you scared him away - getting all serious'' But surely if he liked me a lot which he said he did - he would wait or even take me on dates.. which he never once suggested - like he didn't want to be seen with me (even though he said he's fancied me for ages and called me fit) - he said he's single but could be lying I suppose... It hurt a bit as I thought he really did like me and I can't believe after talking to him all this time he just wanted to sleep with me! Link to comment
Mari Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Thanks for the follow up of what happened. I hope you get a good non player guy. Link to comment
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