Dylan111 Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I have never gotten presents from anyone for my birthday(friends and family). But here is the thing, all of them expect me to buy them birthday presents when they never do the same for me. That just doesn't seem right. If I don't buy them a present for their birthday they get mad at me. Why should they expect me to when I don't get mad when they don't give me any? The other day I went to my friends 17th birthday party. I gave her a card, she opened it and said "That's all?" And she actually told me to leave until I bought her a "real present" is this rude of these people? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Absolutely. Ditch friends like that. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Now there's a hostess with ALL the social graces! Of course they are rude? You don't need to ask. And they are selfish. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Yes that friend was rude. If I had friends like yours I'd get them a card at most, not an actual gift. If they can't even get me a card, then they wouldn't get one either. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I have never gotten presents from anyone for my birthday(friends and family). But here is the thing, all of them expect me to buy them birthday presents when they never do the same for me. That just doesn't seem right. If I don't buy them a present for their birthday they get mad at me. Why should they expect me to when I don't get mad when they don't give me any? The other day I went to my friends 17th birthday party. I gave her a card, she opened it and said "That's all?" And she actually told me to leave until I bought her a "real present" is this rude of these people? Find new friends. Also, I would stop giving to the family members that do not reciprocate. It doesn't sound like you get much respect in your life. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. Link to comment
Creacion Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I was brought up in a poor family so gifts were rare and barely given within family. But I know it is not normal. I used to buy small gifts for school friends or make things to give when invited to a birthday party. The only thing I never do is buy gifts on credit as good friends ought know whether you can afford to or not. Home made is best made if you're crafty! The last thing I wanted to do was to appear stingy. However, if you have never been given gifts from your family or friends, then you will not be used to giving them out. If the party was at a place, there is usually a cost attached for inviting each person. Usually, a small gift to show your appreciation of being invited is normal. From people who give gifts and receive gifts and also throw parties, then this is stock standard. The most precious gift is a thoughtful gift of what you think the person may like or a gift that you made and am proud to give an explanation of why it was given. Sharing is caring. I think your friend has already made up their mind as to where you sit in her friendship ladder as she was so upset that you were told to leave. It's up to you whether you think this friendship is worth salvaging. Link to comment
journeynow Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Yes, she was rude. People getting mad because you don't buy them gifts is rude. They may be disappointed if it's something you've always done in the past, but getting angry with you is uncalled for. How do you handle the non-giving? Do you do it quietly, or is it construed as confrontational? Gift-giving is not necessarily reciprocal, I give to you so you give to me. If it is not given freely, no strings attached, then it is not a true gift. Link to comment
alli Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 ^^ Yeah, I would think maybe your friends/family expect you to give a gift because it's what you have generally done in the past? But if someone doesn't get me a gift for my birthday I generally stop giving gifts to them as well. I'm surprised anyone would be so brazen as to express discontent that you didn't get them a gift when they don't give them to you, either. Really it is pretty brazen to say that whether they give you gifts or not. After a couple holidays have passed where no gifts are exchanged in either direction they will get used to it. If a friend actually kicked me out for not getting them a gift I don't think I would consider that person to be a friend anymore! Link to comment
Dylan111 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 I'm not trying to sound selfish, but the thing is I don't know why she would get so upset and expect me to buy her a present when she doesn't do the same on my day. Link to comment
Dylan111 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Yes, she was rude. People getting mad because you don't buy them gifts is rude. They may be disappointed if it's something you've always done in the past, but getting angry with you is uncalled for. How do you handle the non-giving? Do you do it quietly, or is it construed as confrontational? Gift-giving is not necessarily reciprocal, I give to you so you give to me. If it is not given freely, no strings attached, then it is not a true gift. I just stopped caring about giving friends gifts on their birthday because I felt like I didn't have to as they would never do the same back. Link to comment
journeynow Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I'm not trying to sound selfish, but the thing is I don't know why she would get so upset and expect me to buy her a present when she doesn't do the same on my day. You could ask her. We can only guess, since we are not her. Link to comment
Dylan111 Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 You could ask her. We can only guess, since we are not her. I have a feeling she only expects me to because she thinks she needs one just because it is her birthday. Link to comment
Hermes Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 Dylan, don't ruminate any more about it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I would take the focus off of the gifts, and reflect on some of the crummy people in your life. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 I'm sorry, I think she invited you for the gift, or she would not have thrown you out. She is not a friend. You should be mad as hell that this happened! It sounds like you allow people to walk all over you, and make very poor friend choices. Is there a reason why you don't value yourself, by having true friends in your life? Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted June 21, 2015 Share Posted June 21, 2015 This is my take on it. I agree that people take you for granted, and it may be that you have taught them to do so. I'm not trying to cut on you, but there is a saying that people treat us the way we teach them to. I know it can be hard to throw out a friend when they are great in other aspects, but if I were you, I would stick to your guns and leave your card as the gift. This will set the tone that you do not report to them and will not report to them. You will find they will then start to respect you even more. Don't show a reaction that you are hurt/offended by their actions, just do what you are going to do and you will begin to turn them around with more realistic expectations. In addition, you should not feel guilty for treating them the way they treat you. Let this sink in and before you know it, they will consider getting a gift for you if it's an important curtesy to them. Sorry to see you are going through this. It can be emotionally challenging when you discover a friend doesn’t value you on the same level you value them. Never stop being who you are by doing what is expected of you. You are important too, and doing what you feel is right is valuing yourself. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 The girl was rude to toss you out of the party. There's a difference between giving gifts because it's someone's birthday and giving a gift when you're invited to a celebration party. It's rude to accept an invitation and go to a party without a gift. It can be as simple as a card with cash or a gift card inside it. The idea is to offset the host's cost of throwing the party by at very least covering the cost of your plate. The exception would be if the invitation specifies "No gifts, please," or "In lieu of a gift please donate to XYZ charity." If you've held birthday parties and certain guests did not bring a gift, that was rude of them. However, mentioning it would be the opposite of a gracious thing to do--just don't attend their party if they throw one. Head high, we all live and learn. Link to comment
Dylan111 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 I understand now. The reason I didn't get her an expensive present is because of how she treats me in general. I did have somewhat of a present for her though, in the card there was a bracelet. I don't know why she wouldn't accept that. Link to comment
Dylan111 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Dylan, don't ruminate any more about it. Thanks. I'll try not to Link to comment
Dylan111 Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 I'm sorry, I think she invited you for the gift, or she would not have thrown you out. She is not a friend. You should be mad as hell that this happened! It sounds like you allow people to walk all over you, and make very poor friend choices. Is there a reason why you don't value yourself, by having true friends in your life? It's ok. I should have known she'd pull something like this, she has done things in the past to me that weren't really nice. I guess the reason I have friends like this is because I just don't feel that important. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 It's ok. I should have known she'd pull something like this, she has done things in the past to me that weren't really nice. I guess the reason I have friends like this is because I just don't feel that important. You ARE important. Don't accept behavior like this from people. Because you are important you are the only you in the whole world. Link to comment
journeynow Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 The idea is to offset the host's cost of throwing the party by at very least covering the cost of your plate. Really? This sounds like the host throws a party for themselves in order to get gifts, not to share a celebration with friends. I've known only one adult that threw a party and did not say "No gifts, please" and while I brought a gift because they were a close friend, in no way did I feel obligated, and from the looks of it, neither did the crowd of guests. For children's parties it is different, children bring gifts for the birthday child. Link to comment
journeynow Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Really? This sounds like the host throws a party for themselves in order to get gifts, not to share a celebration with friends. I've known only one adult that threw a party and did not say "No gifts, please" and while I brought a gift because they were a close friend, in no way did I feel obligated, and from the looks of it, neither did the crowd of guests. For children's parties it is different, children bring gifts for the birthday child. gift |gift|noun1 a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Really? This sounds like the host throws a party for themselves in order to get gifts, not to share a celebration with friends. I've known only one adult that threw a party and did not say "No gifts, please" and while I brought a gift because they were a close friend, in no way did I feel obligated, and from the looks of it, neither did the crowd of guests. For children's parties it is different, children bring gifts for the birthday child. Maybe it's a regional thing, dunno. I won't even go to a simple dinner party without bringing something--wine, dessert, something for the kitchen or the bar. I don't think of it as an obligation, I think of it as appreciation. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 gift |gift|noun1 a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present I understand. The covering of a plate is not literal. Link to comment
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