What is it with men and their inflated ego and treating women poorly?

[Lovelavie]

I just want to know people's opinions about this. When you start a relationship, it's always fun. After a while, the relationship settles and you start getting to know each other better and on a deeper level. Also I would say, the feelings turns into love and you start building a real relationship. Why is it that some people, especially men, after a while, take their SO for granted? I mean, it's fun to have a challenge and chase after the person in a healthy way, but after a while, isn't what we all want, a calm, loyal and loving relationship with someone? I mean, if you're gonna spend the rest of their lives with them, don't you want it to be smooth all the way instead of ups and downs where one has to chase the other?

 

Like for example, I was in a relationship once where it was great for the first year, but after that, the person just stopped caring about my well being and seemed to enjoy that I chasing after that person. I did everything I could, I almost begged for things to work out and for attention, but nothing worked, until I got tired and broke up with him and never got back and moved on with my life and then HE started chasing after me until I had to block him from everything. Result: the person told me two years after we broke up that he never found anyone and that he was still in love with me and that he was stupid at the time and should've valued me as a girlfriend and person. But that was one result that could've ended in many ways. I could have been miserable, I could have found another BF, I could have been cheated on, but never minding the result, there would still be that "chasing" in the relationship. And that happens a lot with a lot of people. It's so puzzling.

 

Now I know this is not a sign of a healthy relationship, but what I don't understand is, if so many people want a SO and when they finally find someone who cares deeply about them, and does everything and is faithful to them, why do they stop caring? Why do they show their "not-so-good" side and treat the person who DOES love them and DOES care about them, badly? Does that make them bad people? I myself, never treated anyone I knew that loved me anywhere near close to that yet I have been treated like this and people don't seem to regret it. I feel like in my almost 22 years of life I never treated anyone near as bad as they have treated me and it puzzles me as to why this kind of thing happens to people.

[Seraphim]

This is not a distinctly male problem. It is a human problem.

[Hollyj]

Because you're attracted to the wrong people.

 

If you stick around guys who are controlling, disrespectful and emotionally abusive like your current bf, this is what happens.

 

You need to understand why YOU keep choosing these awful men!

[Lovelavie]

I don't know why that is Hollyj, I'm starting to work on it ... but beyond that, I'm trying to understand WHY some people are like that. Being awful or not, are they bad human beings, or just bad for relationships? I have an ex who is a great professional, very hard working, but only uses women for sex. He doesn't know how to be in a relationship yet on the other hand he's a fun person to go to places with and is up for anything. But again, he cannot treat women properly.

 

Why is it that some people can treat other so badly, while people like me (not saying I'm a saint or anything) can't even come close to treating people like that. I have my flaws and all but I think I have been hurt so much more than I have hurt people it's absurd.

 

Oh and I said men because I see this happening so much more with women than with men. Of course it happens, but it just seems that women are more comprehensive.

[Hollyj]

Because you allow these people in your life.

 

I used to have the same problem, until I broke up with my ex - my epiphany relationship. The relationship was awful, and my dating history was not great. I chose a lot of emotionally unavailable men. I did a lot of soul searching and recognized my part, in allowing toxic people my life. I change my life and removed all of the unhealthy relationships. I eliminated a a handful of friends, but found many new, genuine friends. I now have self respect and boundaries in place, I was no longer allow disrespectful people in.

 

Love, you are young and have time to change - I changed at 44. The men you are involved with are controlling and disrespectful. Your latest sounds awful, not only is he disrespectful and passive aggressive, but he is controlling. This has been discussed in your threads, but you seem to want to ignore all of this. It's scary. I don't know if you have no life outside these men, or what it is, but you seem to have no self value or respect. Most women would have bolted, after a man had told them he was going to teach them how to behave. What do you not see!

 

This is all about you, and who YOU are choosing.

[Seraphim]

Women are not more comprehensive. As I said this is not a male distinctive problem. There are good men ,there are bad men,there are good women there are bad women. When you make it a male distinctive problem you're saying that one half of the human race is bad.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has the potential to lead to gender bashing.

 

Thread closed.