JackJackxD Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 So 9 months ago, I was dumped by my Ex-GF of 2.5 years. We stayed "friends" for 3 months after the break up, and then I went no contact after asking for another chance and got rejected. It had been 6 months no contact, and yesterday I broke it. I sent a text asking her if she wanted to talk again, and that if she doesn't she can just ignore the message. I also wished her luck in her exams. She still hasn't replied yet, so I think the message is pretty clear that she doesn't want me in her life. To be honest, I'm actually less upset than I expected to be. Of course, I was disappointed, but no where near enough to be me feel upset. It gave me the courage to finally throw away the gifts and letters we had together. There is no more No-Contact rule I have to abide by anymore, its just called life now. I don't regret going no contact, because it actually made me grow up a lot. I've read many posts here before, and it seems that the general response is to "never break no-contact". From what I've been through, I would actually suggest breaking no contact, but only when you are prepared mentally and have actually taken the effort to improve yourself. Only play the game when you are prepared to lose. However, you won't find the answer that you need if you don't go for it. There are probably a lot of people out there like me, who still cling on to a fragment of false hope, and still live in the world of "what ifs" months down the line. I think as long as you are living the life of "no contact rule", then you haven't moved on. Because when you've truly moved on, there is no rule, it is just ordinary life. Whether you make contact or not it won't matter to you. Well it is a shame that my Ex didn't reply my text, but I guess I'm ready to put myself out there and start dating again! Thanks Enotalone for helping me through my hard times! Bye! Link to comment
greta96 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 The fact that you're ready to put yourself out there and date again is wonderful! But as far as the no contact rule is concerned, it sounds to me like you used it for the wrong reasons! It is not meant to bring an ex back, its main purpose is to help you, the dumpee, move on and heal (which I reckon it did help you with). For those who use it to get an ex back, it rarely works, and even when it does, it only happens in special situations, when the partners broke up for reasons other than falling out of love or straying, and I'm not even sure if it's the N/C that helps, or it's a mere coincidence. You clearly used it in hopes she may have reconsidered, otherwise you wouldn't have kept track of the number of the months of no contact and you wouldn't have contacted her again at the 6 months mark. No contact is used in order to help heal and move on. It's a no brainer, of course as long as the dumpees keep texting and talking to the dumpers, they will never move on and will cling on to hope. If they employ no contact, as time goes by they will be in less and less pain, until one day they are healed. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 Well I didn't set up a date to break no-contact when I started. I aimed to go for as long as I could. But in the last 2 weeks I started thinking about her again, maybe because of the stress of my exams, so as soon as they were over I felt the urge to start making contact again. This time I was less optimistic, which is why I added the "I would completely understand it if you wouldn't want to talk to me again. In that case just ignore this message, I think I know what to do." I didn't want to put a burden on her and make it feel like she had to reply even if she doesn't want to talk to me, and at the same time I wouldn't want to get a text telling me that she wants nothing to do with me. So I guess silence is the best answer. From what I've been through, I feel like no-contact is actually meant for personal growth. I feel like I've matured more in the last 6 months than I have in the past few years. My mindset on relationship has changed completely, and to be honest, rejection isn't really that big of a deal anymore. Whereas 6 months ago, I would've been depressed for weeks, going on a spending/drinking spree and isolating myself after being rejected by her. I don't know if No-Contact has changed my attitude in life, or it has diminished my attraction towards my Ex. But at the end of the day, as long as I've learnt something, these 6 months have not been wasted. Link to comment
LovelyDani87 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Congrats to you for being able to accept the situation and move forward. I do not really understand why people say they are "no contact" and actually count the days. Sure it's helping you cope but you can do that without having to count how long it's been since contact was initiated. If an ex is going to reach out they will. It doesn't matter if you're ignoring them or not. I do agree with you, "it's just life". Good luck to you! Stay strong! Link to comment
abitbroken Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 This isn't really an advertisement for how no contact doesn't work - it is showing how it DOES works - when she rejected you, instead of hanging on and begging - you went radio silent for YOU - it helped you heal immensely and you are at a point where you are ready to move on. Trying to be friends with her did not work. Going no contact did help you move on. Link to comment
greta96 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 From what I've been through, I feel like no-contact is actually meant for personal growth. I feel like I've matured more in the last 6 months than I have in the past few years. My mindset on relationship has changed completely, and to be honest, rejection isn't really that big of a deal anymore. Whereas 6 months ago, I would've been depressed for weeks, going on a spending/drinking spree and isolating myself after being rejected by her. I don't know if No-Contact has changed my attitude in life, or it has diminished my attraction towards my Ex. But at the end of the day, as long as I've learnt something, these 6 months have not been wasted. Exactly, this is what no contact is supposed to do, and see, it worked for you! It surely diminished your attraction towards your ex, which couldn't have happened had you stayed in touch with her as "friends" or whatever, and it helped you gain a different perspective on dating, relationships and even yourself. Definitely no time wasted, and now that you had your closure, you can freely move on for good. Onwards and upwards Link to comment
kalikat Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Exactly, this is what no contact is supposed to do, and see, it worked for you! It surely diminished your attraction towards your ex, which couldn't have happened had you stayed in touch with her as "friends" or whatever, and it helped you gain a different perspective on dating, relationships and even yourself. Definitely no time wasted, and now that you had your closure, you can freely move on for good. Onwards and upwards I agree with this 100%. "no contact" is meant to help you refocus to the things that need to be important to you AFTER a breakup. Mainly - taking care of yourself and nurturing who you are. It gets your mind away from the pain (slowly but surely). And it teaches you that you Can and Will survive without the Sig. other. Link to comment
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