Lovelavie Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months now. He's a great guy and we have a lot of fun together. I have had 2 other serious relationships before him and I have realized that I have trust issues with everyone. My first BF never cheated on me and never gave me reasons to, yet I still found a way to see if anything suspicious was going on and I got insecure about everything. It resulted in a lot of fights and discussions. My second BF was a womanizer and I had ALL the reasons not to trust him, but he made it clear that he loved me and that he wouldn't cheat, however, he ended the relationship not so well because he was going to cheat if he didn't end it... Throughout the whole relationship with him I also had trust issues. Of course it was not all in my head, there were things that he did that make me either jealous or insecure, but like the first relationship, I still found a way to look for suspicious things. Now with my actual BF, we've had lots of problems in the beginning because he used to be wayyy to nice to girls and that bothered me a lot, and also he said that was also a problem in his past relationships, so after long talks he understood and stopped. However, that kind of left a scar on me, but appart from that I feel like I can't trust anyone! It's getting to a point where it's bothering me so much. I can't stand my own insecurities anymore and I don't know how to work on them. Like this weekend, my boyfriend went to a city in the Northeast (we live in Brazil) and we live in Southeast, with his grandpa because he had helped my BF with money to pay for his bills and stuff and he felt like he had to "give something back" and suggested making him company on this trip. I thought it was a cute gesture however I feel like if he's not texting me or sending pictures of where he's at, I start getting frustrated. Like, we spend all weekends together, so this is out first weekend apart and I feel like talking to him all the time especially because I got a fever and I'm staying in bed the whole day. What I'm trying to say is, I've come to realize it's not the person I am with, because the person can do absolutely nothing to set me off but I still feel insecure. Is this normal? Has anyone gone through this? I just want to lead a normal relationship without having to be suspicious all the time... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 No. Definitely not normal. It is probably best if you end this relationship and get some kind of therapy to get to the bottom of why you are suspicious of everyone. It is not fair to treat people as if they are guilty when they've done nothing. Link to comment
looking4truth Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I don't think you have to end the relationship but I definitely think you should seek some professional help. I have major trust issues because I have been cheated on multiple times and am getting help with it. You need to communicate with your boyfriend about your problem and what sets you off. Don't accuse. Its a work in progress. You can rebuild trust once you find the root cause of the distrust. Counseling is a must! Link to comment
Lovelavie Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah, I definitely don't want to end the relationship, but it will eventually because I'm unconsciously accusing and suspecting something is off. I wish I could understand what it's like to be with someone and trust them. But I just can't! It's so hard Link to comment
El0t Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Yes. It's something that gets better with time and effort. I would be completely honest with your partner about how you're feeling and determine a course of action to help make you more comfortable in the relationship without enabling you. Ask what his boundaries are as far as you asking him/ looking for information are and respect them. In time it will get better, but you have to be open and honest about where you're coming from so that the two of you can work through it together. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Yes. It's something that gets better with time and effort. I would be completely honest with your partner about how you're feeling and determine a course of action to help make you more comfortable in the relationship without enabling you. Ask what his boundaries are as far as you asking him/ looking for information are and respect them. In time it will get better, but you have to be open and honest about where you're coming from so that the two of you can work through it together. Bam. Quoted for Truth......When trust is shattered, or your ability to trust is damaged it can only be rebuilt through consistency. You need to figure out exactly what form that takes, but over time, him doing what he says he'll do and not doing what he says he won't do will help you build comfort and trust. Link to comment
Tayla92 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I was quite the needy/paranoid girlfriend back when I had relationships throughout my teens, even with my last relationship of 2 years. It's like I loved and trusted them, but I still couldn't get past that they may leave me at any moment for someone else or that they were up to things behind my back. I always seemed to need reassurance, and needing to be with them almost all the time. Since being single for 3 years now, and in my 20's I have now learned so much from my past relationships, and I feel like a completely different person in general - to when I think back to how I was. I feel that I am ready for a relationship now, because I've matured a hell of a lot. I wouldn't even think of being the needy/paranoid girlfriend I was in my past, I cringe at that now and don't understand why I was like that. I've grown to become a lot more confident in myself and my outlook on life is a lot different now, I think these are two of the main things. Link to comment
Bri16 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I left a post kind of explaining why I have trust issues in the break up section. I feel for you! I have such terrible trust issues it has affected me so much. I only started realizing it in the past two years and started talking about it within the year. What sucks is that I was in a serious relationship basically up until now, when I was really realizing how bad my trust issues are, so I've messed it up big time. I suggest seriously talking to someone about it. Get to the root of it! Without knowing why you feel like this or any tactics to overcome it, you're going to be miserable. You won't trust anyone and you'll always be worrying, and it will soon ruin your relationship. Life is so short ..try and figure out why you have this issue and what you can do about it, and maybe you will gradually be able to overcome it. You don't want it to effect future relationships either. Trust me, I know how difficult this is, and am basically at the end of a relationship right now because I didn't know how to handle my own issues. I hope you work it out and it all goes well for you! Good luck! Link to comment
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