TheAbandoned Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Really wishing I had stayed away last night, but I felt I had to since they both saw me. I didn't want to slink away and look like it bothered me. But man its bothering me today. Not as bad as day one but pretty bad. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 I can't get the image of them together out of my head. She looked happy. It kills me that I never even got a chance to possibly make her happy myself. I've been crying randomly all day and I have to meet my family later for my birthday dinner. This is the worst birthday ever. Link to comment
toolovehim Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I can't get the image of them together out of my head. She looked happy. It kills me that I never even got a chance to possibly make her happy myself. I've been crying randomly all day and I have to meet my family later for my birthday dinner. This is the worst birthday ever. It is painful, but you learned a lesson this year. A lot of people make great change or learn to peace themselves after painful lessons. She isn't the right person for you, someone will be there for you in the future. Happy birthday! Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Happy birthday! Thank you, but I don't think it's going to be. I know there are people whose lives are much worse than mine and that she isn't right for me but I am in so much pain right now. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. One other thing that gets me is she would never go out to bars with me because she doesn't drink and hates crowds. The whole time i saw her there she was mostly on her phone. Yet she goes to one for this POS. It makes me feel like I meant nothing despite the 5 years we had together. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 Well, I'm doing much better today (for now anyway). I think talking to her was cathartic and is helping me move on. We didn't discuss the relationship at all, just how family is doing and that kind of thing. It felt like she was just talking to an acquaintance which hurt at first but I get it now. One other thing I noticed was she has always said she was very introverted and hated crowds. Looking back on that night she seemed very closed off from the group of her supposed friends and was on her phone every time I looked. None of the others even talked to her. It looked like she was trying to find friends and happiness through her bf instead of working on it herself. So it looks like she hasn't worked out any of her issues after the breakup while I have been. I've been trying to better myself physically and mentally, I've been more open and friendly to others while making sure boundaries are established and in the process I've made a new great group of friends. I almost felt sorry for her (especially when I realized she was wearing no makeup, her hair hadn't been done or her nails; all things she was very conscious about before) but it was her choice. She'll have to live with it. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 And...here are the bad feelings again. Regret, frustration that I didn't see the signs earlier, the "why didn't I do this or that" phase, etc. I know none of it matters because in the end it was about her, not me. Nothing I could have done would have changed things...if she cared at all she would have communicated her problems to me. I told her many times "I'm not a mind reader. If there is something bothering you just tell me." She decided not to do this so that's on her. I've noticed that I seem to be feeling down about the same time every day (mornings while at work). I'm busy so I shouldn't be thinking about this but I do. I know eventually I'll get back into an upswing mood-wise so I try not to let it get to me. There's nothing particularly significant to this time of day in regards to our past relationship...has anyone else experienced a down-turn at the same time every day? Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 And now it's noon and I'm feeling a bit better. I never have been a fan of roller coasters. I'm really hating riding this emotional one. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Guess it's just me then... ;-) Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 If there's anyone who likes riding an emotional roller coaster it's probably because they're the ones operating it. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 My sentiments exactly. Thanks TMifune! Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 I've been doing...okay. Fairly good with myself, until about 10 minutes ago. I was leaving home heading back to work from lunch and her car was parked at his parents' house. I feel so many waves of just pure ANGER right now and I'm not sure why. I just hate her so much right now but nothing has changed in the situation for the better or worse. Obviously I've got a long way to go to get over this. "F**K THAT B***H" is a big part of my vocabulary right now. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 29, 2015 Author Share Posted July 29, 2015 Isn't it great when you go through all of the breakup stages in the period of an hour? I'm so ready for a drink now...lol Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Something odd that I've noticed...when we were together, she instantly started liking the same things I liked. I'm a Cubs and UT Longhorns fan, and she became one. I like horror movies and she started liking them too. Now with the new guy she suddenly likes the same sports teams he does (and btw, she hates sports) and he has ciliac disease so she's on this huge "gluten free" kick. It's almost like she doesn't have an independent thought in her head and just assimilates whoever she's with. Weird... Any thoughts on if my conclusion is right? I know we tend to gravitate to whatever our SO is into, but she's a bit overboard. I think her self-esteem is in the toilet and has been for a long time. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Anyone have any insight? I view this behavior as a bit of a red flag that I should have noticed, but I could be blowing things out of proportion. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Anyone have any insight? I view this behavior as a bit of a red flag that I should have noticed, but I could be blowing things out of proportion. Nah, some women are like that. They don't really have much of an identity of their own, so they basically use the guy they're dating to "try on" an identity and see how it feels. My ex hated baseball, but as soon as she got with the other guy all of a sudden she was so excited to go to baseball games with him. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Nah, some women are like that. They don't really have much of an identity of their own, so they basically use the guy they're dating to "try on" an identity and see how it feels. My ex hated baseball, but as soon as she got with the other guy all of a sudden she was so excited to go to baseball games with him. But to completely change your lifestyle and appearance (she wears "gluten free" and St. Louis Cardinals t-shirts all the time now)? It just screams to me that someone has no self-esteem or identity of their own. I would never do that. Sure, I'd watch their shows or listen to their music but I wouldn't change my personal tastes for them. I'd prefer to be with someone who has their own identity. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 But to completely change your lifestyle and appearance (she wears "gluten free" and St. Louis Cardinals t-shirts all the time now)? It just screams to me that someone has no self-esteem or identity of their own. I would never do that. Sure, I'd watch their shows or listen to their music but I wouldn't change my personal tastes for them. I'd prefer to be with someone who has their own identity. Well, the real danger is that if you're that malleable, you probably haven't developed much in the way of character. So that effectively means that your morals and values are likely to be as flexible as your likes are. I guess one way of dating is to try on the persona that you adopt when you're with someone and if it matches / feels authentic to you, then that relationship will work. If after years of pretending to be something you're not, you finally snap, the relationship won't work. I'd imagine that most people who approach things that way leave a lot of collateral damage because every time they're trying on a new persona, they're not really being authentic to themselves and I don't see how the relationship can work in that way in the long run. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Well, the real danger is that if you're that malleable, you probably haven't developed much in the way of character. So that effectively means that your morals and values are likely to be as flexible as your likes are. I guess one way of dating is to try on the persona that you adopt when you're with someone and if it matches / feels authentic to you, then that relationship will work. If after years of pretending to be something you're not, you finally snap, the relationship won't work. I'd imagine that most people who approach things that way leave a lot of collateral damage because every time they're trying on a new persona, they're not really being authentic to themselves and I don't see how the relationship can work in that way in the long run. THAT'S what I was trying to get at. You just have a much better way of describing it. lol That seems to describe my ex to a T. Thank you. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 So now I hear rumblings that she might be pregnant by this guy. F**k this, I'm done. I would be perfectly happy if I never see her again or hear her name. If she did manage to get herself knocked up then that's the path she chose and I feel no pity for her. Not my problem that she wants to have a kid with a POS unemployed loser. Yeah, I get that I'm still bitter about the whole thing, but I can't help it. I'm to the point now that I wish I had never met her. I don't even remember any good times with her. She's managed to kill that. All I remember is pain and heartbreak. Link to comment
TMifune Posted August 3, 2015 Share Posted August 3, 2015 Sounds like you didn't just dodge a bullet, you dodged a .50 caliber shell! Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted August 3, 2015 Author Share Posted August 3, 2015 Yeah, I agree. I just wish I didn't care... Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 I wish I could figure out a switch that turns off my thoughts about her. I've been flip-flopping all day between relief that she's no longer my problem to how could she? She always told me she didn't want kids yet and if she's pregnant then that's just another lie she told me. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 I wish I could figure out a switch that turns off my thoughts about her. I've been flip-flopping all day between relief that she's no longer my problem to how could she? She always told me she didn't want kids yet and if she's pregnant then that's just another lie she told me. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. That is a turning point. What are you going to do about it? Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 That is a turning point. What are you going to do about it? I'm moving on, a day at a time. I'm coming to realize my life is better without her in it. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted August 4, 2015 Author Share Posted August 4, 2015 Having a rough go at it today. I just can't fathom the insanity she's diving headfirst into. I don't mean not being with me; I get that. I mean convincing herself that the new guy is the guy she is going to marry and have babies with (which we were going to do) while he has no job, no prospects and is an all-around loser. I know love doesn't make sense, but come on. This is just ridiculous. I think trying to understand just what the hell she is doing to her life is keeping me from moving on and it's driving me nuts. I shouldn't care and I don't want to. Link to comment
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