TheAbandoned Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I think emotionally driven people have difficulty with the conversion from limerence and infatuation to comfort and stability. They take the absence of that heart-fluttery, "I can't stand being apart from him" oxytocin high as proof that they're not in love, so they stop putting as much effort into the relationship. And relationships are equally, if not more about what you give than what you get, which is why the people who are still giving and get blindsided have such a harder time of it. Long story short, I think she stopped "feeling" your love because she stopped investing as much of hers into you. That makes a lot of sense. All signs seem to point to the fact that she has a LOT of growing up to do. I shouldn't take it personal I guess, and eventually I won't. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 She probably misses you and wants to know that you miss her too. Usually if some trys to spped up the process of the relationship it never ends well. Trust me on this one lol. I've heard that before, about them "turboing" their relationship. I'm not sure if she misses me or not, but I'm pretty sure NC and me blocking her on FB (and her subsequently blocking me) has gotten her pissed. She knows how to contact me if she wants to. Link to comment
johnnib24 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Yes as soon as I unfollowed my ex and blocked her she did the same. The thing is we work together but I just act as if she is not there and stay smiling and happy. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 Yes as soon as I unfollowed my ex and blocked her she did the same. The thing is we work together but I just act as if she is not there and stay smiling and happy. Wow, that's gotta suck. Me and my ex used to work together too, but that was a long time ago when we were still together. Totally different dynamic. Link to comment
TMifune Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 My ex used to come to the martial arts class I'd been going to for over a decade. It was really my only hobby and she wouldn't leave to give me space. I had to leave...a couple of months later when it was apparent I wasn't coming back she stopped going too. She cared so much about being there but quit as soon as she couldn't use it to keep tabs on me. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 My ex is the exact opposite. She's been a ghost since she moved out. But, then again...so have I. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 Dammit. Now I'm getting a case of the lonelies. I know it'll pass...it just sucks that the woman I loved is really gone... Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted June 24, 2015 Author Share Posted June 24, 2015 She probably misses you and wants to know that you miss her too. Usually if some trys to spped up the process of the relationship it never ends well. Trust me on this one lol. I'm not sure if she actually misses me or not (she's living with the guy she moved in with immediately after dumping me), and I don't see how she could find out if I'm missing her if she doesn't contact me. She's blocked on everything and she doesn't attempt to contact me in any way. Me seeing her Pinterest posts was just an accident. I never would have seen them otherwise. For the time being she appears to be happy with this guy. From all I've heard about him though that won't last. Supposedly he's pretty self-destructive and needy. Oh well, her life not mine. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Well, guess who apparently didn't make her car payment this month. The car finance company has been calling me 4 times a day this month...she told me she set up a payment for the 25th but I guess she didn't make it. No response to my text asking what's going on. Guess that grass is getting a bit brown on that side. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 And your credit is getting trashed. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 And your credit is getting trashed. She finally paid it the same day I posted and is looking for a bank to refinance the car (Thank God). The sooner all this crap is resolved the better. Link to comment
johnnib24 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 It wont last but try not to think about that just keep doing you and move on so you let go completely. And don't if opportunity presents itself be her plan b. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 It wont last but try not to think about that just keep doing you and move on so you let go completely. And don't if opportunity presents itself be her plan b. I don't think I'll ever hear from her again, to be honest. She's immature and can be spiteful and full of pride...I couldn't just toss 5 years away without trying, but I think she's managed it quite well. No Plan B for me. I'm kind of forgetting what she looks like anyway since it's been so long that I've seen her. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I found out something amusing today. Apparently her new guy (who I like to call Dildo Baggins) blocked me on Facebook too. The only reason I found out was he had commented on an old post of mine and he's now greyed out. I never even look at his profile so I find it funny he seems to think I'm a threat. God, these games people play are so stupid. I SO dodged a bullet with this one. They deserve each other. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 I've been having a bad week. My uncle passed away last week which I knew was coming because he was pretty sick. I'm doing okay now, but part of me really wished she was around, or could have at least dropped me a "Sorry to hear about your uncle" text. Due to NC and her probably not giving a sh*t I knew that wasn't going to happen though. Due to me living in a very small town hearing gossip is unavoidable. Yesterday I hear that it's possible she is engaged. W.T.F.??? After only 4 months? This sh*t is unbelievable to me. I gave her all I had, she trashes it and gets engaged to someone who is a complete f**king loser? And I'm not the only one saying that about him either...everyone who knows him says the same thing (even his friends). Sorry, vent is over. It's just incredible to me how f**king stupid and heartless people can be. I know she's not my problem anymore but I'm still not over her and I don't know why. There is no way in Hell I would ever get back with her and I've cut her out of my life completely (or to the extent I can control). Dammit. I just want this crap to go away. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Keep reminding yourself that you're better off, even if it doesn't feel that way. Anyone who would get engaged that quickly is not making smart decisions. Someone good at hiding who they really are might have shown almost none of their true self after only 4 months. Keep breathing! Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 Keep reminding yourself that you're better off, even if it doesn't feel that way. Anyone who would get engaged that quickly is not making smart decisions. Someone good at hiding who they really are might have shown almost none of their true self after only 4 months. Keep breathing! Thanks. I know you're right and like I said I have no urge to allow this woman access to my life anymore. Everyone has also told me that this guy is a player (which any idiot could see from a mile away) and that their relationship will never last. I do sense a crash and burn in her future, possibly soon. It doesn't affect me if it does or doesn't work out, but a small (evil) part of me wants it to fail. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I just want her to feel just a smidgen of the pain that she's put me through. I wouldn't be feeling all of this if she had even attempted to be honest from the beginning. Love makes people stupid I guess. Link to comment
toolovehim Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 It is not you, she is just not the right person for you. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Man, I wish these bad days would just go away. I've been trying really hard to distract myself but the fact remains that I'm feeling nothing but loneliness and depression. I don't even want her back now; I'm past that...it's just the fact that someone I gave my heart to rejected it out of the blue and I haven't heard from her again. I know this isn't anything that anyone else hasn't gone through many times over, but when it's happening to you it's crushing. The past couple of days I've had a few crying spells out of the blue. Not even over her though; it's just these feelings get overwhelming. I know time will take care of it but in the meantime it seems to take forever. I miss her and I want to talk to her SO bad. NC forever though. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I went to the gym tonight to work some of this crap out of my system and it went pretty well. I worked out longer as well as increasing weight and reps. I think what set this off is I heard the guy's parents were going on vacation and I'm pretty sure her and the other guy went too. Family vacations are something we used to do. I'm not even sure they did go but you know how the mind runs away with you. Link to comment
Michael777 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I think she is only pretending to you that she was unhappy for the last year of the relationship and I will not be at all surprised if she realises within the next 6 months that the grass really isn't greener elsewhere and then that she wants to reconnect with you. The question then though will be - would you ever trust her again ? Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 The question then though will be - would you ever trust her again ? Nope, I seriously doubt I would. I think it'll be a long while before I trust anyone again. Link to comment
Michael777 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I am in almost the same or a very similar position. When I get a moment I will start a thread to discuss it Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Michael777, I read your thread on commitment. I agree with a lot of what you're saying...I've always been the type where I view a relationship with someone as a commitment, not a way to spend my time. Of course, it's not as serious a commitment as marriage, but a lot of people don't view marriage as much of a commitment anymore either, which is really sad to me. When I say I'm with someone, I'm with them...thick and thin. A lot of people just look for the easy way out and don't want to put in the work that is required to make a relationship flourish. Not everyone of course; this forum is proof of that. A lot of people here are making the effort to either maintain their relationship or learn how to make future ones better. I applaud them for that, since it gives me hope about the future. Link to comment
TheAbandoned Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Well, it finally happened. I went out to a bar tonight with some buddies and who should walk in? My ex and her bf. It tore me up for a while...especially when he was staring over where I was at while rubbing her leg. I wanted to kill him so bad, but instead I walked over, shook his hand and talked to her for a while about meaningless stuff. She verified that he doesn't have a job (big surprise) and that she's basically paying for everything. I played it cool and unaffected but I wanted to kiss her SO bad. In the end though, I gave her a big hug (right in front of him, which he hated) and walked away. It hurts right now but not as bad as I thought. Still sucks though...I wanted to smash his smug face in, but I was the bigger man. PS: I'm pretty sure she isn't engaged. There was no ring, anyway. Link to comment
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