Relief/happiness wears away?

[Heartbrok3n445]

I don't even know why I'm asking this as my ex has basically hurt me way to much to ever be able to take him back but I guess I still would like to know...

 

How long until the period of relief/happiness wears of the dumper and they start to realise (if they ever will) what they lost?

 

Now, I know this doesnt happen all the time and it is a rare case but I'm just curious.

 

I feel like my ex broke up with me so he could have freedom, do what he wants when he wants, no responsibilities, no being nagged and no fights but the main cause of the nagging/fights was that we lived together.

 

We obviously dont live together anymore and he lives with his friends, goes out, meets girls, has his group now and part of me feels like history will repeat itself and he will realise things and come back but then the other part feels like why would he when he has everything he wanted.

 

It's been almost a month since the break up. But I think he was considering his options for either a month or two beforehand. Although during that month or two beforehand he said he wanted to marry me, have kids with me, etc.

 

It was only about a week or two before the break up that I feel he really made his choice.

 

I know I shouldnt care or want him back. But I just am curious, in my situation, is it too early for him to realise anything? Or do you think it's too late now.

[Kadbanoo]

Heartbroken - I am sorry you are going through this. These are questions that no one can answer because it's different for everyone and there is no way to know what goes on in people's heads... forums like this are going to give you skewed responses because they are going to come from people who have been broken and hurt. It's normal to wonder if your ex regrets the break up - I wondered this about my most recent ex, too - but the reality is, whether or not they do, the fact is that they have chosen to leave.

 

I left my husband three years ago (luckily we are still great friends and talk every day) and I am very sad about that. Most break ups don't bring joy for either party. Yes there may be a "relief" for the one leaving because one is leaving a situation that is not working but (in my case) a real sadness, as well. I am sad that it didn't work and even thought about going back to him, but didn't. Good luck to you.

[ndnd05]

It isn't something that you can predict. That either happens or won't happen and when it happens will probably be when he hits a low point.

[blanco]

Honestly? You need to act as though he's gone and isn't coming back. People have advised you in every thread you've made about this breakup to start focusing on yourself.

 

I know it sucks, and I feel like a hypocrite saying this, because I still very much think about my breakup even though it's been five months and I wouldn't want to resume the relationship, anyway. But look, the reason I still feel as hung up about her as I do despite not wanting a relationship with her is that I've spent a LOT of the last few months thinking about her; what she's doing, what she's feeling, what she's thinking, etc. That means there's been a lot of my mental energy going toward the wrong source. It should be all about me right now.

 

What will have changed if he comes back now or soon? It sounds like you're kind of waiting for him to come back. You keep saying you know you shouldn't want him back, but all of these threads indicate that you'd probably do so if he reappeared. But ask yourself: Why are you only worth being a Plan B? It's certainly possible for someone to break things off, go out there and realize that they left a good thing. But I'll bet you anything if and when he does reach out, it's because he's feeling low or been recently rejected and he's just reaching for something familiar; a security blanket.

 

Stop torturing yourself. He's gone. And it sounds like you'll be better off in the long run if that's really true.

[kbbcoop77]

The problem with reconciliation is you would always be wondering when he's gonna bolt again..wondering who he is texting, where he is, why is he late, blah blah blah ... Once there's been a breakup I think a reconciliation would be extremely hard because trust has been shattered once. For me I wouldn't take my ex wife back because she dumped me and I have self worth. I'm not going to be someone's back up plan when their Plan A spins out. You have to have that same attitude or your going to end up being someone's door mat.

[Clinton]

A lot f dumpers feel happiness and relief when they finally get out of the relationship. Regret doesn't enter into it. They may feel bad for hurting you, but they aren't thinking about what they've lost and how special you were.

 

Regardless how they feel, the second they say they want out, that's your cue to start moving on and trying to heal.

[Heartbrok3n445]

Blanco, you know I think I am waiting... not that I want to or am doing it purposely, but I really think I am subconsciously. I just dont know how to stop.

 

I dont know how to focus on myself, I dont know how to stop thinking about it. I dont know how to cope with all these feelings.

 

People give me advice but I cant seem to act on the advice.

 

I dont know how to believe he isnt ever coming back when I feel that history will repeat itself.

 

I dont understand why I dont feel the anger yet! He has been so horrible to me and I should be angry, yet all I do is blame myself and make excuses for him.

 

I feel so embarrased in a way that he is so much happier without me. Like he will always look back and associate me with that crap part of his life before it got fun.... you know?