How many break ups will I have to go through?

[Lovelavie]

how many times will I have to go through a break up?? I mean, seriously. I'm a 21 year old girl, I go to college, and I've had 3 serious relationships already. The first one lasted 2 years, I broke up because he started treating me really bad and I learned that I should never accept that from anyone. I suffered for 6 months until I found another guy which I dated for a year. He was really selfish and I broke up with him after I found out he went to a club and was too afraid to break up with me, because according to him, he was too "ashamed" of what he had done.

 

One week after the BU, I met my actual BF, we fell in love, and he suddenly became what I always wanted. Now, we had a fight this week because I got drunk and said some , but I apologized and realised my mistake. Who never did anything stupid when drunk? And it wasn't that bad, in fact, one time he got really drunk and hurt me too (emotionally). After that happened, he said he wanted to break up, he wanted to be friends. We had so many plans, I was so in love with me, but once again I have seem to do wrong. Once again, I have failed. While all I do is be faithful, a good friend, loyal, and I've done so much for this guy but at the end of the day what matters is the 1% you messed up.

 

All I have done is try to have a relationship, all I have done is make an effort for things to work out, and on the 3 relationships, it was always me who cared the most and it was always the guy to give up first. How many times will this happen? How many more years will I have to put an effort only to have to start it all over again, just so the person hurts you again like you were NOTHING to them. Five years and 3 relationships and the last one to give up on all of them. What did I get? Do I really have to suffer this much? What is going on? What is the point of everything?

 

you finally find a person you think is perfect and it ends just like the others. I have no idea what else to do... I'm lost. I dont deserve to suffer this much

[elias0715]

I don't have much advice for you because I am in the same situation (kind of) as you. I guess I would say not to look for relationships while in college (I met my girlfriend/ex girlfriend? in college as well) it never seems to work out. In today's world, breakups and failed marriages and relationships seem to happen all the time. If/ when you find the right guy, I would take it slow, become friends first, and see where it goes. Don't beat yourself up too much, I am doing the same thing, and it just causes more problems. Maybe you are supposed to be single right now. It allows you to focus on your school, friends, job, and whatever else you have going on. Some people go their whole lives without finding someone. Just feel blessed you got to experience the amazing feeling of love and heartache. Without heartache, you would never be able to feel love the way someone who has been hurt feels love. Hope this helps some.

[Ms Darcy]

You are 21 and had 3 serious relationships. One only one week after a break up.

 

I think you should stop jumping from man to man and focus on being happy single. You are very young. You have a lot of growing and self-love to develop. I think it for the best for you to focus on you for a while instead of pouring so much of your energy into relationships. You have plenty of time.

[ndnd05]

You are being way over dramatic. You need to calm down. You are probably upset and your feelings are hurt, but you will meet more men. There are 7 billion people in the world, you have had serious relationships with 3 of them and you are acting like your life is over. If he broke up with you for the drunken thing he probably had other reasons as well and wasn't the one for you. I wouldn't suggest being his friend, but don't sweat it too hard! You'll meet other guys

[No1]

Its going to take as many as it takes. I have been thru where you are. I wish my list of heartbreaks was only 3 but its a greater number than that and broken up in many different ways. For a while I thought I was cursed... destined to be eternally single.

Your only 21 and you are going to look back at this and laugh at yourself for stressing over this. If I can offer advice that would be, dont change. You are who you are and it only takes one guy. The trick is not to find the perfect guy, but the perfect guy for you. You might find him next week or next year, who knows.. but dont worry about your timeline, its going to happen when its going to happen, until then, just enjoy life and the ride.

[Tayla92]

I think you should stop focusing so much on finding 'the one' because you're only 21.

 

Your going to have to go through a lot more than just 3 relationships to find the 'perfect relationship' and even then, that doesn't really exist because there will always be a few issues here and there.

 

I went through the stage of just wanting a boyfriend, I've been through 4 relationships and I thought they were all 'the one' at one point but I'm glad none of them worked out because even though I was crazy about them, they weren't suited for me anyway but I couldn't see that since I was blinded by the love I thought I had for them.

 

I've been single almost 3 years now and I'm very happy I've been focusing on myself and not putting too much thought into being in a relationship. I've gone on dates and had casual catch ups with guys but just going with the flow for now.

[catfeeder]

The less time you take to get comfortable being solo in between relationships, the more likely that leaping into the next relationship will land you in another breakup at some point.

 

That's why dating to get to know a number of people over time before selecting one was invented.

 

We all get to pick how resilient we want to be. If you want to leapfrog from one LTR to the next, you can--it's not illegal. If you want to take time between LTR's to grow into yourself and become comfortable enough being solo, you'll use better discretion in who select to take up with.

 

That's a decision nobody else can make for you.

 

Head high.

[chickadeedee]

>>How many times will this happen?

 

This like asking yourself, how many more times in my life will i have to endure the flu, or a root canal, or anything else that is unpleasant but just part of life.

 

First, you are only 21 years old. And at this stage, you should not be thinking about settling down with anybody, but should be focusing on getting an education and good career going in order to lay the foundation of a good life for yourself the rest of your life. And you are only half baked as an adult at 21, so you will do a LOT of changing in the next 5 years and just need to be dating around and not taking guys so seriously until you figure out who you are and hence what type of guy is best for you.

 

And I agree, a big hint of drama queen here. Breakups are a part of life for everyone, and you need to learn how to be resilient rather than self pitying, and to have realistic expectations about life. Everyone is really sad when they break up with someone they were attached to, but you have a little pity party for a while, then you work hard to heal, get over it, and go on with your life until you do find the right person for you, which probably won't be for another 5-10 years.

 

Research has well proven that if you marry too young (early 20s) you also have a much higher rate of divorce because you don't choose wisely at that age. So see this as a learning experience where you are learning about who you are the learning about the world rather than expecting the universe to hand you the perfect guy and live happily ever after like a princess at age 21. Focus on building all areas of your life, not just boys.