3 years of giving everything forgotton in one month

[GaveTooMuch]

This is kinda odd for me, but I think I'm going to give it a try to help this pain go away. I know this is very long and I'd really appreciat it if someone just has some extra time on their hands and can read it and give me some insight on how to let it go and get over it. Thanks!

 

I was with my ex-girlfriend for three years. When we met she was 20 and I was 25. I always thought that was kinda big gap but it always seemed like it worked and not that big of a deal. We had some problems in the beginning because I had a lingering ex when i met her but we overcam that and she knew I had picked her over the ex. We were doing good until a year later in the relationship she was diagnosed with CML Leukemia. We were devesatated but I was always there for her throughout the whole ordeal. Things weren't always easy since she was going through she much and on so many medications, she was always tired and very grumpy. I was always patient with her and tried not to argue with her since I knew that wasn't how she normally was. Fast forward to a year and half later, she is doing well and has pretty much recovered from her cancer. We're doing well, we're hanging out like before. The only hard time I gave her was not having sex that much, but I quickly overcame that since it was not her fault for the loss of sexual desire. We would hangout and everything was great that was enough. Although I think she kinda got use to me letting her have her way when she was sick because sometimes she just be grumpy for little reasons and make big deal out of nothing. I would always calmly try to defuse the situation and just let her have her way to avoid arguments. I supported her finanacially since she wasn't working and disability checks weren't that much.

 

As she was getting better she decided to go to a big cosmotology to become a hair stylist. She has always loved fashion and is very stylish, loves make-up and all that stuff. At first she was kinda scared but I pushed her knowing that she would like it. Sure enough as she started she loved it. She made new friends who were funky, and stylish like her. They started hanging out and having a blast. Time we had together was getting less and less. We still had time for each other and kept in contact by talking at least once to each other everyday. Even as her friends were becoming single, she would tell me we would never do that since I'm so great to her and we never had any problems.

 

Then last month she had a little fit over something minor, and just as a feeler I asked "why are you so grumpy, and mean all the time, do you need sometime alone or something?" At first she was like where'd did you get that idea from? Just as I was about to release a sigh of relief, she said "you know what, actually I think that is what I need to do!"

 

At first she said that it was a trial seperation as she doesn't know if she wants to be in a committed relationship. Also since we've been together fo r so long, the only thing to happen is marriage, which she is not ready for. She needs to taek time out to figure out what she wants to do with her life and if being with me for the rest of her life and marrying me is something she wants to do and would be happy in doing so. Even though marriage isn't even something I ever brought up. She was the only who would ever say what it would be like and what we'd name our kids and such. We still talked and I'd see her maybe once a week or so. I saw her briefly for a movie on christmas, we spent new years together. Then last week she caught a cold and was sick in bed all week. We didn't really talk and didn't see each other at all. Last saturday she tells that during last week when she was sick and we were distant, she had a lot of time to think. She felt as if she wasn't doing what she set out to do and that was to be independent, and figure out what she has to do. She can't figure out what she wants and what to do if I'm still lingering around and she needs to worry about still making time to call me or see me. She felt that we should end contact. I'm am shocked and crushed.

 

I spke to her face to face on tuesday and made my last plea for her to think about us and trying to make it work. She declined, she has made up her mind that this is what she wants. I just wanted to know that I gave it everything I had and I just didn't let her walk away. She told me to just give her time and there's nothing for me to try and fix because nothing is broken. If we were meant to be, we'll end up back together. She appreciates everything I have always done for her and sadden by how she is hurting me becaus eshe knows how much I love her. She even said she would kill herself if she decided to come back but I wasn't around anymore. So I think she knows that she might be making a big mistake. What I don't understand is why is she so willing to lose me, if she too cared for me and thinking it might be a mistake?

 

I understand how she's young and given a second chance at life after her cancer and made new friends and wants to live life for what it's worth. Is there no other way, why is it that it has to cost us our relationship? I've let her go since I've tried, but I know she wants to go. I try to take comfort in knowing that I have always loved with all my heart and done anything and everything to make her happy. I have given everything I could for her but still she doesn't want to be with me, there's nothing more I can do about it. It kills me that I've done so much for her and things were going great, then out of no where she doesn't want me anymore. why did it it have to take so long, why did she let me love for so muc for for so long if she would in the end leave for no reason?

 

I've been killing myself thinking about what I could have done differently and blaming myself for not doing enough. Things like not keping the relationship exciting and new to keep her intersted. My friend told me that I have always shown that I loved her tremendously, and put up with everything from her and what happened to her, I have shown her support, and have always put her first, if she doesn't appreciate that and leaves me... I should ask myself who's the one really losing anything at this moment. She'll soon realize how bad she messed up, but the damage has been done, it can't ever be the same if even if she decides to come back.

[qt]

hiya

 

i am very sorry to hear the outcome of your relationship.

 

firstly, i know how hard it is not to blame yourself, but it is really not your fault. you tried your very best and gave all you could do. unfortunalty, it wasnt that it wasnt enough, but it could just be that maybe she just needs to find herself again and re-evaluate her life.

 

i know that its difficult. my ex has depression and we were in a ldr and i gave him everything i could. i was always there for him etc etc just like you and so in love with him and then he cheated on me and then broke up with me ( other factors if you want to know, read my post 'what to do while i wait' on getting back together)

 

from your post, i gathered she was almost asking you to wait for her. could you do that? i've decided to do that, because i love my bf so much i only want to be with him.

 

that doesnt mean that if you choose to do that, that you cant have your own life. it will be difficult to adjust to becasue she was such a great part of your life, but you'll get there.

 

stay strong and i know it hurts

 

qt xxx

[dnsking]

i went through something almost like this. i was too good and was always on her to go to school and go on trips. well she went on a trip with her friends who after the trip she started hanging out with more and more to the point where she needed space. she also talked about getting married and kid names. she was confused and so on, turns out she wanted to have fun and meet this kid she like, who she is still with.

 

you ex must have another person she likes someone closer to her age, like you said - funky like her. dont be a fooled by her answers, take a step back do the NC, never call her 1st or beg her back and she might realize what she lost if its not too late.

 

by the way its def not your fault, you just loved her more then she loved you and it finally came out.

 

good luck

[GaveTooMuch]

Thanks all for replying!

 

Well i guess I'll find out soon if it was because of someone else, I sure hope not because I would be even worse than i am now if that's possible. Hopefully she is doing she she said she is and stepping back to take time out to find herself and what she wants.

 

It's just so scary to think that someone can love you for 3 years and have no problems, then one just decide they don't anymore. Makes me scared to even think about another relationship because I don't even know what to look out for so this doesn't happen again.

[sdw]

This sorta happened to me, i was with my gf for a year and half, we were best mates before then and always had time for each other, she even left her fiancee to be with me. Then she got a new job, started meeting the sort of people she found more interesting than me etc, then decided that we weren't right for each other. A common story on these forums. I was devasted because I loved her so much, especially how she used to be. But after she got this new job she became like a different person a lot of the time. I think she was upset when we broke up, but certainly not as upset as me. Now she is even too busy to even be my friend so we never see each other and that seems to suit her fine. It's all very upsetting of course, but it's been about 4 months and I'm at the stage where I've told her I've no interest in being the only one that makes an effort to be friends. She doesn't seem even slightly bothered and I was totally shocked how someone who once loved me so much could do this, just switch off. It takes a while for your self esteem to recover from this, but at the end of the day it's not your problem and you have done nothing wrong. Just take each day at a time mate.

[Strandysmommy]

I wouldn't wait for her. That sounds harsh and simple, but what it sounds like is she wants you, but she doesn't. She's playing a game, stringing you along. She wants you there for convenience, if she's bummed out or something doesn't go right with whomever she may possibly be into now, she wants you there as her reliable back up. I have been the string along, I know what it is...it's not fun.

 

I can't imagine what it must be like to have something like leukemia, I can get a taste of it, in my rotations for school. But sorta in her defense, now that I have totally put her in a wenchy light, I think it might just be that in being sick, and then getting better, you worry about what would happen if it came back. I mean, gosh, did they give her a good clean bill of health? I mean once you have cancer, you worry it'll come back. Maybe she's worried about that, and wants to get her life going and have a carreer to make the most of her life, should, god forbid, it come back. Disease is traumatic, I can't imagine what it must be like to live in the aftermath of it.

 

I guess, though, I have to agree...no conatct. don't wait for her, because if you do, you might look past someone who would be even better. You could miss out.

[GaveTooMuch]

Thank you, I totally agree. I don't plan on waiting for her. I think I've realized that eventhough in the little time we've been apart she is not the same person that I fell in love with. She seems to have changed so much in such little time. I doubting if she even loved me those past years or was just using me as support through her rough times. I know she is very thankful for what I have done for her but somewhere along the time she realized that she doesn't care for me the way she thought she did. Is it really possible to love someone like she said she did and still be able to hurt them they way she did, or was she just staying because that was her way of saying thanks for being there for me and all that you've done, but I no longer need you and need to move on with my life. I know it really sucks but that's probably what it is. Now I'm stuck with the burden of a broken heart which feels like a terrible illness and she's not there for me. I don't know what to make of it all, I wanna try to keep a positive view of the whole thing but it just gives me false hope, but on the other hand I don't want to hate her in the process because we did share some special times.

 

I totally messed up this morning. After only 3 days of NC and I was feeling kinda better. I couldn't help myself and checked out one of her internet pages and saw how her friends were all asking her to go out now that's she's single... and she seems all estatic and ready to go paint the town red. She seems like none of this has effected her at all and that a burden has been lifted off her shoulders from what I read on there. I know I shouldn't care but it's rough. I can totally see now how essential NC really is in my process of healing. I need to get to the point where nothing she does affects me anymore. I need to save what little dignity I have left to know that I am better than that and that I deserve better than her for eveything I have given and done for her. She's the one who should be hurting since she's the one who let go of someone who loved her so much and would do anything for her. I need to learn to stop living for someone else and start living for myself.

[Belle]

dear gave,

 

i'm glad that you don't sound bitter by the situation. when people give too much it'sd like a negotiation. i'll give you whatever you want but i want love, affection, fidelity, adoration etc in return. the only thing you could have really done better is by NOT letting her have her way all of the time. you discounted yourself in the relationship and never held her responsible for her end. you negated yourself in the hopes she would love you. this may be part of why she wants to move on. you were too easy for her. everyone likes a little pull.

 

that being said you shouldn't worry one damn bit about losing her. seriously, when she gets a taste of freedom and other men, she'll realize that they don't make many like you. and it's going to be a bitter pill if you've found someone else. and i hope you do. she's too young to appreciate you for who you are. let her get caught up in the scene. maybe she needs to get that out of her system.

 

but just feel good knowing that even though you lost her partly because you encouraged her to do better for herself in her career. you were selfless and you cared. you are a good person for it.

[GaveTooMuch]

Thanks very much for your input Belle. I thought about what you said also about being too nice and letting her have her way too much and things becoming bland. It's just that I'm at the point in my life that I don't want to play the cat and mouse game. If I love someone I treat them exactly how I want them to treat me. I'm not sure which one is right but that's just what I did.

 

I also think of myself as a good person and that I should save my heart for someone else who will want and appreciate it. I'm just so scared by this relationship because I always thought she truly loved until she out of no where needed space. I know it doesn't seem to make sense but I honestly don't think it's for someone else. I think she just wants to have fun, but in the process, another person is inevitable. I just wish their was a quick way to get over her with out being with someone else because at this point that is not what I want. Also because I don't think I can handle hearing she's with someone else soon. I need to get over her fast so I can save some dignity and not care that she has forgotten us and moved on and I'm still hung up over her.

[GaveTooMuch]

I'm so glad I found this site during this really tough time in my life. I think I've found the exact same situation my ex-girlfriend is in. It still doesn't make senseto me why or how it happens, but it just does. I remember on our last encounter she was really hurt and that she still did care for me, but leaving was just something that she needed to do. I I remember her saying " I know you really tried and how much you love me, but it's just something I need to do to know if we can be, there's nothing you can really fix because nothing is broken."

 

Reading this post really scared me but at the same time gave me some relief. I can't imagine if she never decided to do anything and just kept kept quiet because she feels guilty and that she owes it to me. What if we actually got married and for years she is harboring feelings of unhappiness and she starts to resent me , or even worse.... cheats on me? It's bad enough that it's been three years and we're just BF/GF...... but the thought of what if she was my wife, for even more years, then it finally comes out. So much time wasted... so many years living a lie.... so many years of unhappiness.... while in the end it's still inevitable. I feel a little lucky things didn't get any further than they did if she feels this way, and also helps me make sense of the whole ordeal. I will get over it, and maybe now she can be happy..... after all, her happiness was always a main concern of mine. Maybe now I can move on and work on my own happiness. Thank you everybody who has given input and thanks for this site for being around!!

 

Here is the link to the thread that made me realize all this:

 

link removed

[Pebek]

GaveTooMuch wrote:

I always thought she truly loved until she out of no where needed space. I know it doesn't seem to make sense but I honestly don't think it's for someone else. I think she just wants to have fun, but in the process, another person is inevitable.

 

It reminds me so much of my story. That's exactly what my ex told me in March last year. She ended our 4 1/2 year long relationship in one night. Just like that. She's 25. I guess it's the old 'I want to see what else is out there problem' you run into when you date girls who don't know yet what they want from life. I thought my ex did but obviously I was wrong.

It's been almost a year since my breakup and all I can tell you is that the pain does lessen with time. I thought I'd never stop crying but I was wrong. Of course, the first thing I did when she broke up with me was implement NC. NC is great b/c it helps you refocus on yourself. But it has to be 100% NC, which also means not replying (or replying in such a way as to show her she's not welcome anymore) to any forms of contact from your ex. I know it's extremely hard. In my case, my ex made it easier by not replying to any of the few txt messages I sent her the day after the breakup. She hasn't tried to contact me since. Neither have I, of course.

The pain sometimes returns and you will get sad, but believe me it WILL PASS. Just live it one day at a time. It's tough but you'll make it. I'm almost there...

 

Hang on tough.

 

Pete

[GaveTooMuch]

almost a year and the some of the pain and sadness is still there... that is a very long time to live with that kind of burden. I don't think that she has as much of a hard time about the whole thing as I do, so it kills me that I do. Why am I still wasting my time and energy still caring for her and trying to make excuses for what she has done?

 

Usually finding someone else gets rid of those feelings real fast and you start to feel better about yourself because someone else thinks you're great and your valuable. I just am not sure that I want to use someone else on the rebound like that just to make myself feel better. I know how bad it sucks to be hurt and do not want to do it to anyone else for something as this. There's got to be another way. Besides I really have no choice for the NC since she is the one whom initiated the whole thing just after 3 weeks of us saying that it was just a trial seperation and we'd still be friends, but she needs time to think.... to BAMM!!! It's not working for me anymore I don't think we should see or talk to one another anymore.....buuuuuuuuuuuut I have never said this to any of my other exes, but I want us to always remain apart of one anothers life and call me if you really have any problems or need to talk to someone. Those two sentences totally contradict each other. She has not called or tried any contact, I found out she has changed all her instant message screen names, and is living it up all her friends.. so I just try to do my thing and not give her the satisfaction of knowing how much I'm hurting and how much this has affected me as a whole.

[Pebek]

GaveTooMuch wrote:

 

almost a year and the some of the pain and sadness is still there... that is a very long time to live with that kind of burden.

 

Well, yes and no. It's such a short time compared to the 4+ years we were together. We had so much fun, spent so many magic moments. The way I feel now is cheated and used. I helped her thru college then when she started uni. I mean I never did any of the work she should do for her, but I was always there when she needed me. We even had plans for the future. Then, one night in March she just threw it all away. I'm sure there was no other man then, but I don't know about now. In fact, I know nothing about her private life now, which is good. All I know is she has the same job. It still puzzles me how you can do such a thing to someone you're supposedly in love with. That couldn't have been love. It's interesting how many girls her age (judging by the posts I've read on this forum) behave in exactly the same way and even use the same words to end what often seems to be a good relationship. My guess is she finally became aware of the huge age gap betwwen us, got scared and hit the eject button. But on the other hand, if she really loved me and wanted to be with me ...

Sorry for the rambling, but it helps ease the pain. You see I can't pretend the 4 1/2 years with her never happened. I was serious about us. She wasn't.

[GaveTooMuch]

Thanks Pete! Did you see that link I pput up a couple of posts up? The one about the woman who was married and everything was good, but over the years somehow just fell out of love? In soneways I'm glad that she said something and just didn't supress her her feelings just for the relationship. What if we just kept going for more years and got married. Her disinterest would still be there. It would be so much worse because we would have wasted so much more time, she would have been secretly unhappy, I'd be living a lie, and what if she cheated and disrespected our marriage.

 

No matter what the reasons are, I am trying to be at peace with myself. I know what she has given up. In the beginning I was worried that she would never realize that. Now I don't even care if she does or doesn't. I know what I've done and myself worth. I think she needs to live her life, make her mistakes, get her heart broken a couple of times and find herself before she knows what she wants and what's important. I think that we were soul mates but just met at the wrong time. Then another part of me thinks maybe it was the right time and we were both put together at this time to teach another things in life. I'm not what those lessons are right now, but I consider myself a student of life; I try to look at everything as a learning experience. I also don't believe that there is only one person in the world for everybody. There will be others, I'lll move on and so will she. All this has just shown how incompatible we really are, so I must let go.

[GaveTooMuch]

I thought I've been doing better and I don't need her anymore, but every single day, right when I wake up in the morning, she is always on y mind. I hate it, why am I so stuck on her? I know she's out there just having the time of her life and here I am just torturing myself over her. Even when I'm out there trying to keep busy and hangingout with my friends she always somewhere in the back of my mind. She broke my heart so why is it so hard for me to hate her so I can get her out of my head? She controlled me when we were together and still does even when we're apart. I am just going nuts, need to move on!

[chai714]

I've been killing myself thinking about what I could have done differently and blaming myself for not doing enough. Things like not keping the relationship exciting and new to keep her intersted.

 

I had that exact thought when my ex of 5 years broke up with me. I thought about it constantly, what I could have done different/better, said something different, this, that, and everything in between. You can't take full blame, but do take this as a learning experience. Something you should not have done, is beg her back right away. I know it's not easy to walk away or act like it does not affect you, but psychologically, it's what you should do to maximize the probability of her coming back. When we give someone the majority of control, we lose power, which is never good when you want something.

 

Meanwhile, I would say to implement NC for a while until you can handle the situation and it's not so fresh. The worse type of decision to make, is an emotional one. Hang in there . . you'll survive.

[GaveTooMuch]

Thanks for replying Chai. I was doing better for awhile because I was trying to make myself think that I'm better off with out her and I should hate her because she just left me. She could not possibly love me if she can hurt me like this and go out and have a good time and not even think twice about it.

 

Now I'm having a bad relapse thinking that I have given up on her and our relationship. I feel like those three years were just wasted. Then I start hating myself for even wanting to get back with her after what she's done. Why do I even wish to get back with her a waste even more time or even risk being hurt by her again? I don't know where this all came from. There's a bunch of crazy thoughts running through my mind all at once and they all contradict one another. I just don't know what to do.........

[chai714]

Why do I even wish to get back with her a waste even more time or even risk being hurt by her again? I don't know where this all came from.

 

You were blinded by love. It happens man . . I've been there . ..

[GaveTooMuch]

I spoke to her tonight and it's been a week of NC. To my surprise she admitted to going out on what she called sortta a date with another guy. She said it was really a date since ther were 3 other people there and the guy was obviously interested in her but she wasn't into it. She said that it just made up her that it was not what she wanted right now because she is not ready. In fact that the reason why we broke up in the first place, because she does not want to be in a relationship right now in her life while she is trying to find out what she wants in life. I know I sound niave and setting myself up for even more pain, but for some reason I believe her. At first I was shocked and didn't know what to say. After the initial shock I started to see what the relationship has came to. In my mind there is definitely no chance of reconciliation. I just want to get to the point where we can still be friends and just want one another to be happy no matter what the other one is doing. I trying to figure out what is really going on in our relationship and let it die or turn into a friendship. I have known her for so long and we understand one another so much that I would like to think that we have gone beyond just being lovers. I still love but not the same way I have in the past. I really need to understand what happened so I can move on with the rest of my life. Everyday I am thinkiing of what happened and what went wrong. I need to understand this for my own closure.

[GaveTooMuch]

The more I talk to her the more I see the person whom I fell in love with has died. She is nothing like how she was before. I see the true reason that she left is because she thinks that she is going to real big with being a stylist. She's doing very well and making a lot of connections. She plans on moving to los angeles mingling with the stars. Now she is just to good for me. Even the guy she went on a date with last weekend even though she said she wasn't interested, I think she end up with him, since he's more successful than I am. She used to be so sweet and humble but now her greed has got the best of her. She doesn't have anything right now, no money, having to borrow money all the time, and will be in debt with student loans. Now that she sees the promise of big money and guys with money persuing her, she just thinks she's too good for me. What a "B", after all I done for her, I pushed to to be there and supported her. Now she is too good for me? Maybe I'm not the richest guy in the world and probably will never be but I have always showed her all the love, respect, and support in the world.

 

I don't even think I want to remain friends with this egotisical and selfish little girl. Maybe later when I over her and if she becomes someone like she thinks she will, I can keep in touch to meet some stars lol. But now I really need to find the strength to get out of this. There is definitely nothng here for mo. I need to get her out of my mind. I need to find someone who can love me for me and not what I can give them. Seems like things get worse everyday... when will it ever end?

[GaveTooMuch]

I know I just keep talking to myself here posting over and over again but I am just trying to stick to NC so I can get over things. I am so disappointed that our relationship has come down to money. I have always given her everything I had. She never even seemed like it was ever important to her or expect it. Sure we talked about how if we ever struck it rich like win the lotto or something, al the thing sthat we'd get for each other. I'm not trying to sound like i want anyting from her because she doesn't even have anything, but it hurts that the second she thinks she might eb gettin ginto something, she afraid that she'll have to share it with me. That is so insulting I want nothing to do with her financially and never have. Even if it was the way around I would still give everything to her. I guess I should be glad that I'm seeing the true selfish her now and not years later. Maube i spoiled her from the beginning now she's always looking for bigger and better things. In the beginning she was very simple, I was kind of the one who always had to always have the nicest things but I'm over that now and know what's really valuable. Why can't I just stop analyzing and thinking about all this still? Bottom line is she doesn't want to be with me, why is it so hard for me to accept it and move on? I feel so pitiful and pathetic

[lifetooshort]

Bottom line is she doesn't want to be with me, why is it so hard for me to accept it and move on? I feel so pitiful and pathetic

 

Remember the feeling you had when things were great between the two of you. How light your heart felt when you were together. Now imagine that happiness has been taken away from you.

 

How hard do you think it would be to let go and forget?

[GaveTooMuch]

Thanks lifestooshort, I don't have to imagine, I know exactly how it feels to have all that taken away just like nothing. It's just so trange because every now and then, right when I start to think I've finally gotten over her and am doing better..... I suddenly am struck with guilt and desperately missing her. I think somehow when I start to move on, unconsciously I start to feel bad for letting her go and giving up. It just sucks so bad because I know the only way I can get her to even miss me or know what it's like to be alone is if I leave her alone. I know that's what I need to do to also heal , but it's so difficult. I know that I am giving up all the power to her and she's probably just loving it but I can't keep to myself no matter how hard I try. Even when I'm out with friends doing other things, I think about her. Everything I do, reminds me of her.. we used to do everything together.

 

Last night after I spoke to her... I know, I know.... I just don't know what I'm doing anymore. We decided to be friends but I only call every other week or so, and I don't try to push her to come back anymore. Anyways last night I had a weird dream. In my dream for some reason like an illness or something my legs had to be amputated... then later on I found out my arms were also to be amputated, I was so upset I told the doctors to just kill me. Whe I woke up I was really disturbed and was scared, what was it all about. I looked up the meaning of dreams on google, and was surprised to find that amputation dreams mean that I am feeling out of control. I am getting depressed about losing control, and the amputation of limbs is a symbol of cutting away my control trying gain back that control. The thing that got me was in the dream after all my limbs were supposed to be cut off, I no longer if wanted to live. Even in my dreams I know that I am not doing what's best for me. I know I am really mad at myself for not being able to get over her and even leave her alone and making her think I'm just some chump groveling at her feet, waiting here for her when ever she wants me. It's just so hard, I wish I had a friend I could just complain to all the time. All my friends have other things to do, and they're all guys... suys don't want to her all this relationship stuff. My ex was the only one who I would always share my feelingwith. Now it's so hard since I have to hold it in, I'm even too ashamed to tell others how I am feeling or even acting.

[lifetooshort]

The hardest and I mean the hardest part of ending a relationship is truly coming to terms with the reality that it is over. We tell ourselves that we know that it's over but deep down inside we don't want and can't accept this, so we continue to inject false hope into the decision making process.

 

The bottom line is that the relationship that you once had is over. I also once had a moment in time were my heart was full of love. I truly cherished and adored the other person. Not a day went by that I wouldn't think of them and when I did a sense of joy would over come me. I can honestly say that I am blessed to have been given the opportunity to have experienced such happiness and a sense of belonging. I can only pray that one day I will have the chance to experience this again, to truly be happy again.

 

For some twist of fate unbeknownst to me my relationship ended. If I dwell on this fact I can assure myself that I won't get another chance at true love. Don't allow yourself to become jaded. I know that right know all you see are words. Your emotions are still too strong and conflicting to really understand what I am saying. In time you too will have a choice to make. I only hope that you will decide to love again.

[GaveTooMuch]

I think you're right. I've come to the conclusion that the only things holding me back from moving on is the fact that I cannot accept the fact that it's over. That's reason why I relapse every so often is because I feel guilty for letting go. I'm starting to come to the point where I can accept this. This is not the first time I've had my heart broken.. but I sure hope that it's the last time lol. Everytime I've met someone I've fallen in love with, it's never been expected. I'm not going to try to rush into anything. I'm just trying to focus on self growth and being comfortable and confident in my own skin.

 

I don't know what to think anymore. I've been thinking about just about every single angle of all this ever since that day. I sometimes feel like maybe love isn't meant for some people. I'm just trying to be happy with myself.... I just don't want to think about any of this anymore. I'm just so tired, I've hurt so much that the pain has just numbed. I'm just trying to move on and not expect anything, and not looking back too much... I don't want to hold on to any hate in my heart. It's just the way things are.... and I have to accept it.