How do you deal with losing your soul mate

[Payam758]

Hi, everyone, thanks for taking time to read this.

 

As I've visited this forum for the first time, it is my hope that everyone's message here was one of genuine emotional expression.

 

I guess I'll introduce myself to make you feel a tad more acquainted, my name is Payam I'm from L.A., I'm 22 and have lived a rather overly-eventful life. I've been at death's door, battled drug addiction, legal problems all while maintaining good grades and improving upon my academic prowess. I work in a bank and act on the side, and would like to think of myself as a well-rounded individual.

 

Anyways, enough with the history.

 

For the last two years of my life, I've been with a girl who I inherently knew was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And as cliche as it may sound, I knew it from the moment I first set eyes on her (corny huh).

 

Before her, I was just wayward soul, sleeping with every girl that walked through my house in college. At no point in life did I ever find a someone in whom I felt worthy of commiting myself to. Whether it be sorority girls, co-workers, or random women, I was lost in every aspect; Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

 

From the instant I shook her hand on that thursday in mid-october 2001, I knew that no matter what it took, that she was going to be mine, and for the first time I truly understood what would compell a person to wait.

 

And I did wait , for months, as the sound of her voice repeated resonated in my head and everygirl walked around my house with her face pasted on theirs.i found myself comparing every woman been with to someone i didn't even have, but knew deep down that I would.

 

And when the day came in late November, when I knew that time was right, I kissed her. Never in my life had I felt such elation from a simple kiss. I was stuck with an ear-to-ear smile for a week that no one could pry off me.

 

Sorry that I'm rambling on so much !! The truth is way before I met her there was a person that she fell in love with and not until recently, he stepped back into the picture.

 

However, though some of you might be feeling sorry for me, dont. With so little experience being a boyfriend and not knowing the intracacies of a relationship, our relationship became very off and on after sixth motnhs.

I've dated numerous women and have somehow found my way back to her again time after time.

 

Last week as I laid in bed with her, I asked her why there was no passion between us. She told me that she was in love with the guy from her past. And though I had an inclination for some time I needed affirmation.

 

When I heard the words "I see myself marrying him", I truly felt my soul sucked out of me like air out of balloon. I literally hit the floor limp and in shock, unable to even phathom the thought of her being with anyone else.

 

My dilemma (long time coming, sorry) is that no matter how many times I separate from her we get back together. No matter how hard I try to demonize her in my own head, she could say one word and have me eating out the palm of her hand.

 

I pray, meditate, you name it, all hoping that one day I can turn my back and never look over my shoulder again. As I sat there in front of her I told her " As long as I'm alive I'm always going to love and want the best for you. If he makes you happier than I do, be with him and I'll live with it" and even though I meant it, I prayed that she would never take me up on it.

 

I'm sorry that this was so long winded. She was the only thing that i looked forward to everyday. The only person that I ever wanted to be around. Now at this point in my life I just want to be able to know that I can live without her, even though I can't imagine it. Thank you so much for reading this. Keep in Touch!!!

[calibabe007]

you know, i wish i could tell you a quick and easy answer.. but I cant. I lost the guy I love and it just takes time. Im so sorry I dont have an answer

Calibabe007

[mrsadman]

I don't have any advice for you but to write down your feelings and start a new hobby because thats what I'm doing even though I'm so sad that I don't. I'm in the same situation you are in I lost my soulmate too she was my first gf but I was pretty sure that she was my soulmate because she was absolutely perfect. If you ever want to talk to me about it I'm always online I'm a college student on summer break email , pm, im, yim either one is fine with me. Its hard losing someone who you love with all your heart and cannot have.

[reborn]

Hey Caliboy,

It was lovely reading your posting. You are a good writter, very descriptive. This girl is very lucky to have someone have those type of feelings for her. It is very rare those feelings you express, maybe in time she will realize it. No matter what, I think we always look back at those who loved us selflessly. Because that is part of what real love is it is selfless. I know it sucks, and we are only human, but if it is of any confort know that the feeling you are experiencing is something sublime and rare like a blue diamond.

 

You sound like a very deep and higly emotional person. Though I am not much older than you, at your age I also felt more like that, and love just brings it out. Just know even if things don´t work out with this girl, that we humans are very rich in emotions. Just feel good that you have the capacity to feel that. You are very young still, I know it sounds like a clitche but its true. Give your self some time and you will feel that again.Even if she seems like the only one.One time I felt like you and then I loved again. Now, I am broken hearted as hell again, but love does come back and strong.

 

Sometimes, we just have to be strong, and hold on really, really tight. And put one of those shirts they put on crazy people, but an imaginary one, so we just wait a bit. Just keep in that position and in time your mind will be clearer. It will hurt, it will take time. As I write this to you I am telling it to my self again, because today I am having a particularly painful day.

 

A friend, a good friend that I´ve made on this forum recently told me about a book that a psycologist wrote that says that sometimes you are separated from your soulmate to be better ready for each other. If that person is not your soulmate then for the one that will be. Also, one thing I really feel I need to tell you is that maybe you need to mature a little. Don´t take it wrong it is just about something you said. You were very much in love but didn´t handle the relationship well.

 

This is how I see it. A 13 year old girl has in her body an incredible power. She can make life. As soon as a child gets her period, she can actually get pregnant but she is not ready to be a mother. In fact she is still a child herself and cannot properly care on her own for a baby. Love is a bit like this I guess. You are like the girl, you have the capacity. But you must mature so that you can nurture the beautiful gift you are yearning to give. Don´t punish yourself for this. It is human. You are human. TIME is the magic word here caliboy. Give your self that gift, so that you may have perspective. Once you have the proper perspective the pain will go more smoothly.

 

This is from one who thought she would never love again or ever forget her first love. Much like you I had incredible, once in a lifetime experience with my first love. I was sure he was the one and that I would never love like that again. But, you do honey. Trust me. It passes. The pain will pass, but that love that is within you wont. That is not hers. That is yours to keep to enrich your life, at the right time with the right person.

[adeius]

Well, excellent post and replies

 

What i can say is to give the gal time, only if you think if she is worth it. I know it sounds bad, but this is what i think.

 

Touch her with small little acts that sweep her off her feet, but do not be too pushy with it

[sonjam]

Hi there

 

I read your piece on losing that girl. I would like to talk about it. First of all, and I dont want to sound judgemental, but she was not your soulmate, because being soulmates require two halves of a whole, and it sounds to me like you were one half of what looked from your side like a whole, but she obviously had other plans. What keeps on bringing you togeter is plain unhealty attraction.

 

If you like, I could tell you my story about losing my soulmate? We were two halves of a whole, and we both agreed on that. We met at a function at his office in 2000, I was there with a girlfriend of mine. When I saw him behind the counter I said to her "ohhhhh! he's so nice! Who is he?" She then told me "Oh no! he's involved with another girl and it is quite a rocky relationship, they've been together for 4 years bla bla ba." So I decided ok, I don't think Im up for that. With a bit of a sore heart, I left it. Meanwhile (we discovered later) He did exactly the same thing the next day at work - enquire about me! Well, she told him I'm in a brand new doomed relationship bla bla bla. Exactly a year later (by then he had broken up with his girlfriend and I got out of my relationship) I always promised my girlfriend I would go clubbing with her, but then due to depression, would lock myself in my appartment and feel sorry for myself. She always used to tell me that Stefan (my soulmate) would pich up if he heard I was coming, and would then be disappointed if I did not turn up. This went on for a few months into 2001. I eventually Piched up, and we clicked. He spent that weekend with me and a few of my friends. We talked and talked and opened our hearts, cried, laughed had wine and fun. We never exchanged phone numers, it didn't seem necesary. Do you know what that is like? To not know what his number is or where he lives, but know that you will see him again? That was us. A week later we met again at a cigar Lounge, he walked up to me and said "Please put your number in my mobile." We have been together from that day (lived together for 2 years). The very first sms he sent me said "o.k, thats it, how do you send a kiss by sms???" He stole my heart and soul. We moved in together and had the best relationship ever. We had ups and downs like any other couple, but always saw a way out. Make no mistake we also ventured into the Drug world and used quite a bit, went clubbing, even tried 3some sex with the friend that introduced us. We had the mentality- she was there to please us as a couple, not to be with only him or only me. She understood it and respected our feelings. We thought we had it all. We had our own computer business, which we ran from home, A lovely house. We bought a Motorbike (we both loved biking) and decided to get married in 2003. Stefan was killed in a motorbike crash (not his fault) on 10 June 2002. I spoke to him on the phone 10 minutes before. He was on his way home and I bought him a chocolate cake, 'cause he had a craving for it for a few days earlier. My soul died that day. I still dont understand what the point of life is, I have been praying ever since for God to come and take me away to him (I believe suicide is a sin and will get me into Hell). A friend of ours Steven lost his wife of 8 months (pregnant with their first child) 6 months earlier. We have since found each other, and have been a tremendous support to each other, but no-one can be Stefan, my soul cries out for him every day. You see we spent 24 hours of every day together, living and working together, calling each other on the phone 10 times a day when we are working or out to see clients. And we both loved it that way. We were in our own little cocoon away from the rest of the world -I felt protected. We had an enormous circle of friends who have been fantastic towards me since I lost him, they are still my friends, but have you ever heard sombody say how it is to be lonely in a croud?? Thats me.

 

 

 

Now how do you recover from a loss like that?