Help for when the ex is with another

[Clinton]

People come and go in and out of our lives, you can't keep someone chained to you forever. Even in a marriage.

 

I cringe every time I see dumper/dumpee titles being thrown around like we (real people) are some sort of garbagers and garbagees...

 

 

 

Clinton, you seem to be too hung up on " dumpers' " happiness( I can see where you are coming from with the story of your ex's rebound lasting 20+ years). It sounds way too selfish when I read it. No relationship should be one-sided and depend on one person's "happiness" and feeling "in-love." Nobody owes anybody anything, especially a constant ability to keep another person "happy." Whatever that means.

 

I have no idea what point you are trying to make.

 

I'm saying a dumper owes a dumpee nothing after its over and the fact they move on quickly to find happiness is not a character flaw.

[miss_sunshine]

larthur I'm sorry but I just have to respond one more time haha. Clinton, yes sure we do not owe anyone anything in this life at all and I know what you are saying that once the relationship is over they owe the other person nothing. However most of this conversation has been about how dumpers should at least have respect and treat a dumpee well when breaking up with them and not just cheat on them, give them no closure etc, especially when they have been together for years or decades.

 

And besides the way you leave a relationship and treat the dumpee when it ends says everything about your moral integrity and very little about the dumpee. If you are a person who thinks after spending 10 years with someone that as soon as you say it is over you owe them nothing then that is all about you and how cruel a person you are. To me if you can just one minute be promising the world and then next minute just be promising it to another person, then yes you are not a very deep genuine person. And hey if that is how you want to live your life then fine.

 

If I found myself falling out of love with someone who I had been with for over 10 years, my first instinct would be to talk it through with them, to try to make it work and work on the issues. It would not be to just talk behind their back about it with someone from my workplace and then cheat on them and totally blinside the person I was with, and at the same time come home to them every night tell them I love them, continue to look for a house to buy together, talk about marriage etc. That is a moral flaw because you are two-faced and a liar and care little for anyone elses feelings other than your own and what makes you happy. And like I said, if you think that you owe someone nothing after all that time then who am I to say that is wrong, that may be right for you but personally I could never do that. When I love, I love deeply and care about that person and always will and would always try my best to makes things as easy on that person as I could at the end because in the end all they did was love me more than I love them and they do not deserve to be made a fool of, or lied to.

[Ms Darcy]

These types of discussions always get very muddled.

 

People speak of a dumper breaking up and then dating others as the same thing as being unhappy in a relationship and seeking someone else. One is not cheating; another sounds like at least emotional cheating to me.

 

There are a lot of different scenarios. In some, dumpers are jerks. In others, dumpers are just humans doing what's right for them.

 

I always suggest that dumpees read "Uncoupling: Turning Points in Romantic Relationships" (I believe that's the exact title). Gives a little more insight.

[mandeelove]

Its only wrong if the dumper moves on after they say the ending of your relationship is due to their issues and not "you". That they can not have a gf anymore because they are stressed out over personal reasons and then a month later they are with a new person so happy. If they say they lost love for u, then moving on is fine. Its expected. But that first example is about me. I asked my ex if he lost interest in me and he insisted he did not. and wants no other gf....He said he had to figure out his life before continuing and then in one second he had a new gf . U have to be honest when u end a relationship because if u move on quick, u just look BAD.