UStudent Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Hey guys, So I started graduate school last September and met this girl who I really like. It took awhile but we eventually were able to start talking together and we seemed like a good fit. She seemed interested in me and I have been interested in her. Eventually I asked her if she wanted to study together and she seemed excited about it and agreed. So we studied in the library and talked for awhile and it went well. I asked her for her number which she gladly gave and I was about to ask her out except she said she'd like to study again sometime. I figured well I got the number this time so why not ask her out next time. I didn't feel like I had to rush since things were going well anyway. Anyway, we said bye and that we'd see each other in class the next day. My plan was to sit next to her and start to build a bit of a relationship before asking her out (a week at most). However, the very next day it was impossible to sit next to her. In fact, everyday after that there was never any seat available next to her. It made talking to her difficult but not impossible. Eventually we were able to sit next to each other in a club meeting and afterward I asked her if she wanted to study. She said yes and that we could figure it out when we got closer. But she seemed angry (presumably because I never sat next to her or talked to her like it was inferred we would even though it was impossible for me). I tried again after class one day with the same result only she said I should text her. So I did but she actually never even responded. I know you're thinking she just lost interested but I'm not stupid and this girl definitely uses her body language to tell me she's interested. It just seems like she feels like she has to play hard to get. I decided to give it a break because talking to her didn't seem to be working and try again later. Over winter break she started dating someone else. Now she still seems interested but I'm at a loss for what to do. We see each other sometimes at out of school events (bars, clubs, etc.) and we're actually lab partners. She even seems to try and make herself available to talk to me after class but I've been hesitant because she's in a relationship and I don't know how serious it is (though I don't think it's reached boyfriend level?). My thinking is that I should just talk to her. Explain everything that's happened from my perspective and just tell her that I feel frustrated and don't know what she wants me to do because I'm in a awkward position. At least then she'd know I was still interested and understand that she needs to meet me halfway to make it work. And depending on what she says either start dating or move on. Do you guys think this is a good idea? Any suggestions on what to say? Thanks! Link to comment
alli Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Meh I don't know. Sometimes you might think you are on the same page with nonverbal communication but each person might have a completely different take on it. Spilling your guts (clearing the air, whatever) could make things awkward if she doesn't respond well and you still have to be lab partners right? Also I'm not sure how your school is set up but in mine, the people in my grade are in nearly every single class with me until we graduate. That could make for an awkward couple of years. I mainly say this because she is seeing someone right now which really decreases the odds of this turning out in your favor. Also the fact that she told you to text her and when you did she never responded. I don't know what she is thinking but I don't think it's what you are thinking. Link to comment
UStudent Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Maybe talk to her but don't play all my cards at once? I'm not turned off by the thought of making it awkward. I've been in situations like that before and have been able to handle it fine. I feel like it's now or never. Anyone have any suggestions of what I say to her? Maybe I should try being less accusatory (who knows maybe she's just shy?) just say something like, "I'm not sure why it hasn't worked out between us, but if you're still interested I'd like to start over." Yeah??? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 There isn't a "start over"...nothing got started! You never asked for her number or asked her on a date. Link to comment
UStudent Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 I did get her number. I know I had a long first post but it's in there haha. We were definitely heading down the road to starting a relationship. She just started playing hard to get and it got out of hand is my thinking. EDIT: I know some of you will tell me to " walk away" and to only pursue it further if she follows. But I have already tried that. And she did. I'm telling you she legitimately likes me. She just doesn't seem to be able to communicate it well. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 You hadn't had a date! The road to a relationship is about 25 miles farther on the map! Link to comment
UStudent Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Fair enough. Then what should I say/how do you think I should I word it? EDIT: Please believe me that I'm right and that she does like me. I know we haven't been on a date. What should I say then? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Next time you see her...make time to talk. Or text before class and say "can I catch you for a minute after class"...and then ask her for a date! She will either say yes or no. Stop waiting for life to offer the perfect opportunity. Or someone else may step in and ask her first. Link to comment
UStudent Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 And you think I should be this direct knowing that she is dating someone else? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 You "know" no such thing. Even if true...people can date more than one person. You aren't asking her to go steady. And if she is involved romantically with someone...she will likely give that as a reason why she won't date you. Link to comment
UStudent Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 Are you saying I should do this under the pretense that I pretend to be unaware she is dating someone? Because I've been in the same room as her when she was with this guy so that's out the window. She knows I know. I agree though your idea still makes more sense then what I was thinking. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 They may just be friends. You won't know if you don't ask. Link to comment
alli Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 What if you just invite her to coffee? Rather than calling it a date. Link to comment
UStudent Posted March 25, 2015 Author Share Posted March 25, 2015 In reality I'm certain that's not the situation and she definitely knows that I know that. But I guess just ask her out. Then if she's more interested in me or at least wants to give me a chance she'll say yes, and probably say he's just a friend if it comes up? alli-yes I would at least agree. Invite her to do something innocuous then ask her out to something that's obviously a date if all goes well. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 25, 2015 Share Posted March 25, 2015 Are you saying I should do this under the pretense that I pretend to be unaware she is dating someone? Because I've been in the same room as her when she was with this guy so that's out the window. She knows I know. I agree though your idea still makes more sense then what I was thinking. Before asking her about dating you, I'd inquire about the BF and whether she's in a relationship. Find out if she's free to date. Link to comment
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