Feel like im going crazy.he is married to his family

[maaraishuk]

I'm at a whim with what to do with my marriage. I feel like im married to someone who is just married to his family. Is this how it is supposed to be?

 

My husband is extremely selfless and can apply his mind to most things. Having a few siblings there is always something that needs to be done.

 

His brother is unwell so i understand why he wants to help him. But he is literally doing everything. Before work, after work, to help him build a house.

 

I feel like my husband is always on edge just to do things for his family. His attitude towards me of recent hasnt been great. He is abrupt.

 

He says i restrict him. I make a face every time he has to do something for his family. That it's in his nature to help people. He only has got to where he has because of helping people.

 

I know when his brother's house will finish there will be somehing else. His sister will need something.

 

What about my jobs? What about our weekends doing something? He is constantly getting calls from evryone asking him to do stuff. Since we have been married i have seen this.

 

Im so sick and tired of it. We have never even been on holiday. I feel like if we were to, we would have to make sure we werent interfering with anythjng going on with my inlaws.

 

He says im selfish. But i put him and my kids first. Difference is he always puts his family first.

 

And it's hurtful comments. If anyone says to him, 'can u do this for me?' His response'dont worry. Why are u worrying for. Il sort it out'

 

Only yesterday we were talking about cars and i said 'i wouldnt mind a new car' his response..'well u better start working harder then'

 

I told him this today. He could see i was extremely upset. And he just walked away and was totally fine and happy with the children for the next few hours. Like he doesnt care.

 

I wish i could just detach him from his family

 

Feel like driving off a cliff sometimes. My head hurts

[Edmund Exley]

No, its not how its supposed to be. You marry your spouse to make a life with them, not to add another member to your family. Family should be integral, but they shouldn't be primary.

[relevart]

He's not going to detach himself from his family. You know that. Probably some part of what attracted you to him in the first place was his loving, can-do attitude that he shows his family. It's just that for whatever reason he doesn't appear to be showing you the same respect. You need to sit down and talk it out with him. Don't lay down the law, don't be overly critical of them. Ask that he start giving you and your kids at least two weekends a month and a few nights a week.

[Mari]

Is his brother available to do the jobs he doesn't do Seriously though you two need to work out a schedule as to how much time you need from him and how much time is his to do what he pleases with it. Same thing for money, how much is his and how much of it is yours. And if you want to donate all of your share then great, he can run the house with his share. If you want to spend the time that's for you on things for your family also fine. But you two need to come to an agreement as to who gets what. Otherwise you can explain to him that you can work it like him too. Just dump the kids and be out all the time helping someone else.

[Lester]

This is the VERY common Mama's boy disorder. The cure is him is him losing, or almost losing everything that is important to him.

 

The cure:

You have to tell him his marriage and then family come first. (Yes, he doesn't know!)

Pick a no chance of interruption time and place.

Expect resistance but persist. If he flees, write it down and leave it on the table for him.

 

Next comes the progressive pushing him out the door.

Stop all intimate relations.

Make him sleep on the couch.

Make him move out.

File.

 

The above is done over a six month or more period.

 

fyi,

Mama's boys can change. Don't lose hope.