My mother is beyond insane and I can't live with this anymore!

[Lovelavie]

My mother and I never had a good relationship. In fact, we have gotten in more fights than healthy conversations throughout our whole life. Ever since I became a teen, she started making my life hell. Let me start this story by saying she has been the only reason I still have to this day, thoughts of suicide. She can turn my life into hell even on the most wonderful days. I have had depression because of her and have serious relationship problems. I'm very needy with people who give me the least of attention and I'm also very sensitive. I have gotten a lot better, and worked a lot on myself, however everyday is a battle for me.

I have kind friends, a nice family (they live far away though), and a loving boyfriend. I'm finishing college and I'm working at a place I very much enjoy, even though I don't make much money yet. I'm moving on with my life and chasing after my dreams. I'm doing everything right, I don't bother my parents, I make my own food and keep my room clean.

 

You could say I'm a person that doesn't cause any problems at home, but my mother still finds reasons to complain about me. No matter WHAT I do, I'll always be an awful person. No matter WHAT I do, I'm still worthless. She has called me any name you can imagine, anything, any kind of rude and offensive comments you can think of she has made. She has hit me in front of my family members and she's yelled at me in front of an ex and friends. She has threatened to kill me, and she even grabbed a knife one time she was really mad at me. Every time she gets mad, she threatens to hit me. (Saying that you like blue when she wants you to like red is enough to make her SERIOUSLY mad.)

 

I'm 21, I'm not a child anymore. I have my own job, my own car, I have a life! However, I don't have enough money to move out just yet. I'm seriously thinking about moving in with my boyfriend since I stay there during the weekends and one day during the week. However, that would really upset my dad.

 

My dad works an hour away, so he comes home only on the weekends. He doesn't really know what it's like at home, and he doesn't really seem to care. I know he loves us, but he can't do anything about it. I miss him and on the weekends I don't stay at home because I want to be with my boyfriend and I can't stand my mother.

 

I came home from work today, I was super stressed, hadn't eaten in 8 hours and asked my mom if there was dinner and she mocked me and made a nasty comment. I told her she didn't have to be rude, I was just asking, and then I left and went on to make a meal for myself. She then started yelling at me because I didn't want to eat the pasta in the fridge. I told her I just felt like eating something else. That was enough for her to start yelling and saying nasty things and threatening once again to hit me. I then called my dad, trembling: I had to let someone know. She heard me on the phone and started mocking me and said that if I didn't hang up she was gonna come and take the phone away and hit me. I hung up and sent some texts to my dad. He called her and I heard her saying that she can't wait to be "free" and that I was a problem in her life. By that time, I didn't even feel hungry anymore and I felt really sick.

 

Let me also say that I don't tell this to anyone anymore. I have tried seeking help with friends and family but none of them understand and some of them simply don't care. So the only person I had to call was my dad. I don't even say these things to my BF because I only want good things between us and this would only make him sad for me and wouldn't solve anything.

 

I'm going insane... I HAVE gone insane. I just don't understand how a mother can have so much hatred towards her daughter, how can I irritate her so much by simply existing? And she's like this also with my 13 year old brother, they fight every single day and about stupid things. I don't really care about our relationship anymore, I have no interest in being friends with her anymore. I just want this to stop!

[Ms Darcy]

I think your mental health and safety, you should move out. Many if not most young people leave the next when they are 18 for college. So move out; you are an adult now and you need to live your own life as you see fit.

[shellyf62]

Can you rent a furnished room somewhere close by? Maybe you can help do chores around the house for a cheaper room rental?

 

That way you can still see your Dad for a coffee or a meal on the weekend, and not have to deal with your Mum.

[SoLost12]

Wow. Your post was all hauntingly familiar.

 

I lived with an abusive mother, and have only recently started to chip away at the long-term effects of her psychological/physical abuse. It feels like picking gum out of my hair, half the time I don't know where to start! What you're living is a constant threat. Can't stress enough how detrimental this is over time. The longer you stay in that environment, the harder it is to break out of the impact that it has (and will continue to have) on you. The lack of money is an illusion. You can make it happen, you NEED to. It sounds like survival. And maybe you'll have 3 roommates and a closet of a bedroom, limited internet or no TV- but you WILL have peace of mind. Priceless. Just do it. You need to start living for yourself... your Dad may not feel like he can speak up- but he will understand. Or he will eventually. I think he may even be relieved for you.

 

I ran away at 18, to live with my boyfriend at the time-it was a horrible relationship. I ended moving back home to heal & focus on school (I was shattered and felt like I had nowhere to go) but within time my Mom returned to exactly what she was before I left. And I let so much damage take place, a lot of which I'm trying to recover from now. (I'm 30) I'm trying to live a life where I see options now, so that I don't lock myself in a similar prison (as I have with bad relationships, bad jobs, etc.)- live less out of fear and more out of love for myself and what I deserve. I really hope you find a way to do the same and find your sanity...

[bulletproof]

I agree with those saying move out. But don't move in with your boyfriend; try to find something with roommates or another discounted situation. There is always a way. It might be more challenging financially but emotionally it seems worth it.

[Willywagtail]

Is there any possibility you can move in with your dad?

 

Do some reading around narcissistic mothers - that's not a 'diagnosis', it's just a suggestion so you can get a broader perspective on what you're possibly dealing with.

 

She's toxic, and the only way to save you sanity is to get away from her.

[Chia girl]

I think you do need to move out of home if you can - at 21 it's a good time. But please, whatever you do, DO NOT move in with your boyfriend. From reading your other posts about him, I think that would be out of the frying pan and into the fire. Find some other girls to live with. That will give you distance from your mum, and also will mean you don't become dependent on your boyfriend. I get the strong feeling that your relationship with him is not actually particularly good for you.