I just need someone to talk to

[Anonymous22]

Hello,

Firstly I want to say welcome to my threaded discussion and was hoping I could talk to someone, and the reason I came to this website is because I know there are great people out there who help one another out. Also, because since HS i've been to strung up on concentrating on myself and not really interested in making friends (due to the fact of having bad experience with friends). Though I do have a few buddies, but they are out there doing their own thing, and spending their amount of time with their girlfriends.

 

Well, I am here now hoping someone can hear me out. We all know that every relationship are different, in the aspect of love, time, and patience.

I am here to get some insight and opinions on others. I know I have posted about this girl in my past time being in this website, and well I wanted to say that I am still with her. Going to our 1 year and 5 months on April. Yea, I would say our relationship is rather odd because we are in college I am guessing, and also because we still live under our parents roof. We aren't the greatest couple, but I am sure to say we both are determine of being together and having a family together. We always talk about our future and sometimes I tell her if she would ever marry me, and she always responds with a yes with a big smile on her face. We have our great times when we spend time together because we aren't the type of couple that spends time with each other every day. Like I said, we both live with our families and even though she still makes time for me. Especially her because her parents don't know about just yet. I know this part is an issue, I know, but I am being understanding and placing myself in her parents shoes and her shoes. Fathers especially are over protected with their daughters. Although I feel as if she isn't really fully committed just yet, but that is just MY train of thought about the situation. This is just a brief summary of how her and I are and our relationship.

 

In this paragraph I will simply explain my though of MY perspective and not hers. I love her... a lot believe me when I say this. My feelings for her are genuine, and I'm the type of guy that takes relationships seriously. Even though I've only been in two (first one was just all fun and games because it was in middle school). She knows I love her too because I have always been by her side for the 3 years she kept me in a pedestal. Though her reasons were legitimate of not giving me a chance, but I stood there waiting for her to prove her my love. After those 3 years she finally gave me a chance, and yes, we had our ups and downs but she always came back to me with a more lovable/caring approach. She's changed, and her love has grown in terms of loving me. It really makes me happy! it does, but from the hardships I have gone through this girl, the pain, the loss, the breakups etc. everything... has effected the person I am. I have changed, and I am not the person who used to be. I have never been in a serious long term relationship, and before this relationship I always looked forward to having a girlfriend and always kept trying with girls (but they ended up rejecting me) although during this time my heart was made of steel. I always came hop back on my feet fairly quickly, no sadness, but mostly with joy of the feeling of seeking love. But now that I have found love I feel like I have become really vulnerable, always on the look out of hurt. Especially with this girl, and i say that because I personally feel it in my heart. I am afraid of hurt, and I am also afraid of losing her. I look back... and wonder how the strong guy in the past can withstand hurt and pain, and now I am just merely weak and fragile. I am always mixed with negative thoughts, of losing her, of her hiding things behind my back again and putting me in that pain again. Believe me... I believe her 100%... It's just that I feel that it's scary that she has changed this much and grown out of the phase of lying to me, hiding things from me, and not caring for me. Now it feels as if she is sincere, shows me her phone and explains what she is doing and where she is at, and mostly cares for me a lot. But even though in my thought I feel as if there is another side of her that I don't know of (not calling her a two face) I feel like part of her is still a mystery to me. I hardly see her, only when she has the time and isn't busy with her studies. I used to see her 1 day every week, but now the days are becoming longer 2 to 3 weeks tops. The only difference is when I see her, she shows me passionate love, she hugs me, tells me she had miss me so much. She holds me really tight, and it feels so good because I just don't want to let her go. I get saddened when she departs from my sight, because I feel as if I won't see her for a very long time.

 

So overall I need opinions of what I can do... to avoid my negative thoughts to be more relaxed with confidence that she won't do these things to me again. I need your opinion in making my relationship better. Please and thank you!

[jasmin123]

well, it sounds like to me that your relationship has moved into a new place. if you are spending less and less time together and it doesn't feel right, then maybe you should take the next step.

 

the next step being telling her parents about you as a couple. it sounds like you both have been through a lot and that she has matured as a person and that is good.

 

and there is nothing wrong with waiting for the right person. it takes a lot of patience to not be in relationships that waste your time or you know that are not good for you.

 

so again, relationships do teach us about ourselves and what we want from our partners and sometimes we may have been influenced by really good role models that we practice patience and we wait for the right person to come along. so i say kudos to you for having patience and not diving into bad relationships.

 

from what i am reading, love is complicated. love does make you vulnerable but love is also the most beautiful feeling you can feel. when i am in love with someone, i don't feel weak. i know what you mean by weak but weak to me is when you are around that person and you just let down your guard because you trust them.

 

so weak to me positively is letting down your guard. vulnerable, yes, love does make you vulnerable. you are trusting this other individual with your heart. to me, if you keep feeling insecure about her, she will lose her patience with you. it sounds like to me that you should take this relationship to the next level. it sounds like to me that she isn't cheating or doing anything that would cause any concern from what i read. so to me, i think you should take the relationship to the next level.

 

are you comfortable supporting each other? to me, the next step could be the both of you getting your own place and really supporting each other as a couple. from what i read, you have been with her for over 3 years so I think you know if she is the one or not. I would really think again about taking this relationship to the marriage level. I believe i read you did discuss marriage and how she does actually think it is a good idea. So you actually might be ready to make that plan solid and that means taking it to the next level.

 

you are forced in your situation to either go forwards or back... that only means address your worrying and if she is not doing anything disrespectful, then the problem is you. so when you feel insecure, if she is not doing anything to make you feel that way or if u feel you are losing her, then do what you can to make the relationship PERMANENT.

 

so it is more about you doing something about the feeling you have of worry. my only suggestion again is to propose marriage and get your own place. you have to ask yourself what are you comfortable doing but obviously your relationship has moved to a new level and you are needing to acknowledge that by making it more permanent.

 

The last thing that came to me is if you are not ready to get your own place, then get engaged, set a tentative date of obtaining your own place and start preparing for your wedding. Weddings take a lot of preparation and it will definitely get you to focus on your future.

 

let us know how it turns out