cozydesign2016 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Last night I went out on a date with a really awesome guy. I meet him online about two weeks ago and we've been steadily chatting and texting then finally went out last night. The date was great. Great conversation (only a few moments of silence), but time literally flew by. He drove me home, looked for parking for a while so he could walk me to my front door. He gave me a really nice hug and said we should keep talking and I agreed. He waited till I got inside as well. I texted him that same night to say that thank you for the date and that we should go out again and he agreed. I texted him today to see how his day was going and he responded and ask about mine......but after I did that I thought, omg I hope I don't come off desperate !! I know I need to play it cool.....I should wait for him to text me.....I just want to know if I sound desperate ? or I'm okay as long as I play it cool for now on and that I'm over analyzing.... thanks ! Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Too much! Stop with the texts already. Let him take the lead. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Yes, wait for him to contact you (text and/or call). Don't take over. Link to comment
Deciduous Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 I texted him that same night to say that thank you for the date and that we should go out again and he agreed. I texted him today to see how his day was going and he responded and ask about mine......but after I did that I thought, omg I hope I don't come off desperate !! I know I need to play it cool.....I should wait for him to text me.....I just want to know if I sound desperate ? or I'm okay as long as I play it cool for now on and that I'm over analyzing.... thanks ! Hi Cozy, Uh-huh! Best you take that foot off the gas. I think you already know that. Texting twice in the space of 24 hours does not help things along. If anything it slows progress down. How's he meant to miss you and reflect on your date, when you haven't given him a moment to collect his thoughts? Great courtships are like fine red wines. THEY NEED ROOM TO BREATHE!! Step away the phone. When you are feeling this intense, it helps to go distract yourself with something else. Get busy with your own life. Go to the gym. Hang out with friends. Visit your mother, take the cat to the vet. ANYTHING! But fill up your time, you must. Some mental discipline is needed. Change your focus. Bring it back to you and your own life. Deci Link to comment
cozydesign2016 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Okay thank you for the advice. I don't know if this is a silly question or not, but did I ruin my chances already by texting back to quickly ? Link to comment
greta96 Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Okay thank you for the advice. I don't know if this is a silly question or not, but did I ruin my chances already by texting back to quickly ? No, you didn't. You made it clear you were interested, but it's not like you sent walls of texts. It would have been best if you didn't message him today, but don't fret, it's all good! But like everybody else said, now back off and let him initiate. Link to comment
Deciduous Posted March 14, 2015 Share Posted March 14, 2015 Hmmm! I see the Getting-Busy-With-Your-Own-Life plan is really not working well for you. I don't know if this is a silly question or not, but did I ruin my chances already by texting back to quickly ? I don't know, luv. I can't tell the future. But what I can tell you is that you need TO GET BUSY WITH YOUR OWN LIFE Change your focus. We can ponder that question until kingdom come and still not come to a definitive answer. But by re-investing in your own life, you bring back the focus to yourself. What will be, will be! Deci Link to comment
cozydesign2016 Posted March 14, 2015 Author Share Posted March 14, 2015 Thank you Deci, I do have a lot to do actually (i'm in grad school)....I get a little over eager when I meet someone really great....I've a dated a few duds in the past.... Link to comment
Gilson Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 (Another?) guy's perspective...or at least mine. If I'm interested, you're not going to hurt anything by text in 5 minutes vs 5 days. But, if I'm really interested, it's ****ing awesome to see a text before I even get home. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 First of all, I don't think you ruined anything. If he liked the date, he liked the date. If he didn't, he didn't. I've been on many dates and what the guy did next (text/call or not) didn't really matter to me. If I had liked the date, I was excited if he contacted me. If I hadn't liked the date, I couldn't care less if he texted in 5 minutes or a week later. The only case in which I think it matters is when someone is so and so about a date. In that case, too much texting/calling right after the date can put someone off...but you only texted twice..that's hardly excessive. The real issue here, is, in my opinion, what type of guy you are after. If you want the guy to take the lead, no, you shouldn't text him first. If that's something you don't really care about and you're fine with being the one who initiates, then, no problem. Just relax, make sure you know what you want from a guy and then act accordingly. Good luck! Link to comment
cozydesign2016 Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Yes thank you for the advice....I tend to super over think things and it's only been a day really since I last saw him. I feel like if I really had ruined things he would just tell me that he didn't want to see me anymore. I would like for him to text me first more often, but I've been the the one initiating contact since we started talking.....he's been super busy with work and moving. I picked out where to go and what time/day....We both technically live in philadelphia, but I live in the city and he lives in the suburbs, so of course I would have an easier time of picking out a place. Anyway, what I just wrote shows how much I over think situations. I'm going to just wait to see if he'll set up the next date or I'll contact him in a few days to set it up. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 You are like me and I struggle with this too. I am learning to just relax a bit and let them take the lead. If they aren't into you, they won't contact you. So going "dark" as bad as it is, is a sign that they are not in to you at all. I had a discussion with my daughters boyfriend about this last night. I said I don't like when you are dating someone for a short time and all of a sudden they go dark, no contact, everything stops. I told him I would rather they tell me...I don't want to see you anymore, then I know where I stand and can move on. He said for him, its best to just go dark. He said he feels that if a women isn't into him, silence is better. I was shocked. So maybe for men, going dark is better. Anyway, let him contact you and let him set up the next date. Good luck. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 15, 2015 Share Posted March 15, 2015 Make sure you play it cool, and he'll play it cool, and you'll both think the other isn't interested. Then you can both wonder later what happened because you seem so interested in the beginning. Time can't literally fly by, it doesn't have wings. It can only fly by figuratively. Link to comment
cozydesign2016 Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Thank you for the advice, everyone ! I'm completely calm about now....I was so worked up after the date that I almost went completely overboard with texting (I tend to do that a lot when I like someone). But I'm going to keep cool Link to comment
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