New Here....Need Advice on NC....please

[TTSS]

Hi there,

 

I have been reading this forum for a few weeks now and have read some very good advice......I'm really glad I found this place.

 

Ok.....so......I had been seeing a girl for about 9 months(i'm 34 ,she's 29) and 2 weeks before Christmas she dumps me(over the phone) out of the blue...things were going fine as far as I knew...we never fought. It took her a long time to tell me that she loved me. In fact the first time she told me was about 2 weeks before she broke it off.The reason she broke it off was that she "could not see a future with me and finds herself attracted to other guys lately and that she loves me as more of a friend".

She dumped me on a Sunday and made arrangements for the following Friday to exchange our belongings and the Christmas gifts that we had bought for each other.

She calls me a couple days before Christmas to inquire about getting some pictures that she had emailed me....she needed them put on a cd as she does not have them anymore.

This is when I find out she is seeing someone else.....I told her that I think she is pretty low and she said forget about the pictures.....I said ok....bye. I cooled off the next day and called her voicemail and left a message stating that I made her the cd and she could call me to arrange picking it up.She never did call about the cd.

We had NC over the holidays and I will say that it was a major downer to say the least.

 

The 1st week into the New Year she emails me to ask if she can pick up the cd that day after work. I ignored the email for 2 days then I replied to her that I had been busy and she could pick it up today if she wanted to(that was last Friday). She picked it up.....I was pleasant....it was short.

I had not heard from her and had not planned to but today she sends me an email saying "how's it going? I just wanted to say Hi. Have a good day"

 

Part of me wants to just ignore the email......part of me wants to reply " Hi....things are going well ,thanks"

Another part of me wants to tell her to get lost.

 

I don't want to read too much into her email......I think she feels guilty. I don't think she wants to get back together with me.

 

Any input would be appreciated.

[DN]

Ignore the-e-mail, ignore any other contact. The quicker you can just get over her and move on the better it is for you. Even if she wanted to get back together at some point would you really want to be with someone who could casually hurt you just like that. Guaranteed she would do it again.

 

When somebody reveals a side to their character like that rermember that this is also part of who they are. You just didn't see it and fell in love with only part of the person - not the whole person. In other words, with someone who didn't really exist and never will. So mourn the loss of the fantasy person and then find someone real.

[tim horton]

if you still have feelings for her you should keep some kind of contact with her. if it took her that long to say "i love you" she may be someone who has never really had that kind of feeling for anyone.she may have in a way goten cold feet. She might think that this is it this is the guy but then thinks that she cant settle down just yet. This might be her way of slowing things down and now starting it up again a little slower.. be nice to her. at worst you have a good friend.

[ShuShu Fontana]

Ignore the email. If you want to move on with your life ignore any communication with her. It's only going to hurt in the long run. Ex's were not meant to be friends. You need a lot of time apart and with no contact.

[HajiMaji]

Aye yi yi.. Im sorry that you are going through this its no fun.

 

Unfortuneately i vote for ignoring as well. I know someone said maybe you should keep some contact because she probably just freaked out. She said i love you, and i bet she did/does. It sounds like she isnt stable in her mindset, like she doesnt know what she wants.

 

There is a fine line between helping someone through their commitment problems and lingering on just to get hurt. The way i see it is if she really wants you back it is not your responsibility at all to keep contact or be patient. She needs to do that on her own, so really you can loose nothing by looking out for yourself.

 

Man, this is how i see it. If i had an awesome girlfriend and i felt like i made a mistake by breaking up with her for some bs reason, i would do a lot to try to fix the situation. Im not saying id be all like, "ooh baby i still love you im so sorry please forgive me" - thats crazy.. Im saying id just do whatever i needed to do to make it right. I wouldnt neccesarilty try to get her back either, id just do whatever i needed to do to feel like a good person. Keep in mind that you really deserve that. I guess this is in response to the idea that you should maintain contact.. I dont think you should, i say grow yourself, because there is nothing to gain from staying in contact with her.

 

What would you do if the situation was reveresed? Would you just email her and ask her casually how she was after you hurt her a lot? I doubt it, i bet youd try to make some good out of the situation. She can do that without your responses. If she doesnt do that (which is likely) then at least you are already healing and not lingering.

 

Much love dude, good luck with your situation. Sorry for the scattered logic in my reply. Hang in there!

[PrincessLinzay]

I agree with the other posters. I would just ignore her. If she was that callous and unfeeling, you really have no reason to be her friend or anything else. I would let it all be water under the bridge and move on to someone who's more worthy of your time!

 

Good Luck!

[TTSS]

Thanks alot for the replies .....you folks are great.

[Iceman26]

Sorry to hear about that man, that sucks. Ignoring her and never talking to her again is a good idea. Dating sucks as you get older, so I can sympathize with you. Keep your head up though man, a year or two from now you will look back on this situation and laugh about it.

[TTSS]

Thanks alot guys/gals......I'm not going to reply to the email.

[TTSS]

Well.....exactly 2 weeks after the email I wrote about she sent me another one(just this past Thursday).

It basically said "Hello,You never replied to the last email I sent you... If you don't reply

to this one, I wont bug you anymore... Just wanted to know how you're

doing... Did you find a job? What's new with

you?????

 

Have a good day!"

 

I did not reply and don't plan to. I plan to let my silence speak for itself.

It's hard sometimes but I know that she is probably just feeling guilty and wants to see if I am ok just so she can relieve her guilt a bit. It sounds mean but I'm not going to give her that after the way she handled things with me.

Just figured I'd vent a bit.

[Iceman26]

Way to go man, good for you!

[TTSS]

Thanks bro.

[ajk]

i think it's fine to email her with the 'hi, i'm doing fine, thanks' comment, but don't ask her how she is. the reason i say it may be okay for you to email her is just that you will feel less guilty if you at least respond. there's a way in which not responding at all may be part of the impulse to punish her and make her regret, etc., which is not a good frame of mind for you to be in.

 

the only thing about emailing her is that you have to do it feeling that you don't want to talk to her right now, and that you are just being polite and still don't want contact. it's really about you not contacting her and not putting yourself in a mode of desperation.

[ajk]

woops--sorry, i posted without reading your update!

would it help you at all to tell her that you don't want to talk to her because of how she handled things?

i mean, it's upsetting to ME how she handled things with you...breaking up over the phone, for one thing...i'd love to tell her myself! LOL

[TTSS]

lol....thanks ajk. There is a part of me that would REALLY like to tell her off and give her a piece of my mind. But I think that would just give her more reason to justify her leaving.Not to mention the fact that someone that cold probably wouldn't get it anyway. She is a very attractive girl who gets alot of attention from guys and I think that ignoring her completely might be just the treatment she deserves. Who knows.

I will let her wonder(if she does) and let my silence speak volumes. I have to.