TBinBothell Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'm 46. GF is 44. We've been together for 2 years. Wonderful relationship. Except for one recurring problem. Example... last night we go out for a romantic dinner. We go home and relax on couch and she suggests we go to bed. Great!! I take a quick shower and climb into bed. 5 minutes later I go down to see where she is...sleeping on the couch. I wake her and ask her to come to bed. She says ok.just one second she needs to do some stretching (bad back). Ok. I go back to bed and wait. 10 minutes later I go back down. She's asleep again. I wake her again . She's says Sorry. she'll be right up. I go back to bed for 3rd time. 2 hours later that's where I left her. In morning I tell her how upset this makes me. I feel rejected and say how good makes me feel unappreciated. She says it nothing to do with me.She was just tired. She acts amazed that I'm upset. Here's the kicker....this happens about every week or so. It's not a medical issue. She claims its not about me or our sex life and she just falls asleep. We have a very enjoyable sex life but when this happens I feel marginalized. Am I overreacting? Any advice? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Is she on meds? Does she drink? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 If it only happens once in a while, you are being a little obtuse about it. Link to comment
charity Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Yeah I think you are overreacting. Next time something similar starts to happen just laugh and tell her you're not moving till she gets up. If its a wonderful relationship then I wouldn't over think something like this. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 After your romantic dinner....order an espresso or cappuccino. Problem solved. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 lol..... What she says: "Let's go to bed" What he hears: "let's have sex" What she thinks: "I'm tired and sleepy" What he thinks: "I'm getting laid" Joking aside, yes you are being a bit ridiculous about this. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I'm guilty of this from time to time. I sleep quickly and heavily and there's really no fighting it once it happens. If you have a very enjoyable sex life I don't see the problem with giving her a pass now and again. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 My worst fear is a date who wants to watch a movie. I can't stay awake at night after a good meal anymore. I would say, when that happens, you need to talk to her the next morning about cashing in on a rain check. Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 I sort of had this problem with my ex. I was working while he was unemployed. He would regularly wake up at noon and fall asleep by 4 PM, while I would go to sleep around 11, wake up around 7. So, that caused a problem when he was wide awake and i was asleep. Are you guys on a different schedule like that? Does she have to wake up earlier than you? Is she on any medications which could effect her sleepiness? Link to comment
TBinBothell Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Duh!! Of course that's what I as thinking!!! My GF admits that's exactly what her intent was. I'm very surprised by the responses here. My significant other repeatedly falls asleep instead of having sex (after initiating) and I'm being "ridiculous". Wow. Didn't see that coming. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Her intent has no follow up. That is just smoke! Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Duh!! Of course that's what I as thinking!!! My GF admits that's exactly what her intent was. I'm very surprised by the responses here. My significant other repeatedly falls asleep instead of having sex (after initiating) and I'm being "ridiculous". Wow. Didn't see that coming. We didn't say you were ridiculous. Just wondering what other issues are at play (like meds or opposite schedules?) I mean, if sex is never happening, even when she is more awake, then that's a problem. What happens when you suggest in the morning or afternoon? Link to comment
TBinBothell Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 No other issues @ all. No meds.schedules.etc... Everything else is fine. MOST of the time, the sex is great. My question was to see if I could get others perspective on this kind of problem. I see it as a big deal. If your significant other asked you to bed and initiated sex..but then fell asleep and left you high and dry so to speak. You wouldn't be upset? And I'm not talking about a one time event. That could happen to anyone. I mean once a week. Link to comment
TBinBothell Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 No other issues. No meds. No schedule issues. I would sincerely value a woman's opinion. If your S/O initiated sex and then fell asleep. Not just once but on a regular basis...would you be upset? Link to comment
alli Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Does she frequently fall asleep at unusual times? As a passenger in the car? At work? Naps during the day? Watching tv? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 lol..... What she says: "Let's go to bed" What he hears: "let's have sex" What she thinks: "I'm tired and sleepy" What he thinks: "I'm getting laid" Joking aside, yes you are being a bit ridiculous about this. Yeah the assumption here, OP, was that you were going to bed to have sex and, well, just wanted to go to bed! To be honest, if I was relaxing after a meal and my partner went off to have a shower I'd probably fall asleep too. As Edmund said above, if this only happens once a week then I don't see that there is a problem. We are all guilty of feeling tired on a regular basis. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Duh!! Of course that's what I as thinking!!! My GF admits that's exactly what her intent was. I'm very surprised by the responses here. My significant other repeatedly falls asleep instead of having sex (after initiating) and I'm being "ridiculous". Wow. Didn't see that coming. OP, no-one said you were being ridiculous. That is your interpretation. Still it goes some way to explain communication issues perhaps. You asked if you were over-reacting and some posters suggested they thought you were ... as I also do ... and as I think you are now. Anyhow, if it WAS her intent to have sex with you why did you go off and have a shower? I'd probably go off the boil if someone did that to me when I was up for it. Spontaneity is hot ... scheduling in a shower beforehand isn't. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 No other issues. No meds. No schedule issues. I would sincerely value a woman's opinion. If your S/O initiated sex and then fell asleep. Not just once but on a regular basis...would you be upset? She isn't initiating sex. She is saying "let's go to bed" and NOT heading towards the bedroom. Next time...take her hand and walk together towards the bedroom. Problem solved. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 If your S/O initiated sex and then fell asleep. Not just once but on a regular basis...would you be upset? If he fell asleep two seconds after initiating, most likely ... if it happened a lot. If he fell asleep on the job .... yes. If he fell asleep whilst I went off and had a shower .... no! That would be my bad! Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 No other issues. No meds. No schedule issues. I would sincerely value a woman's opinion. If your S/O initiated sex and then fell asleep. Not just once but on a regular basis...would you be upset? I just don't think once a week is enough to be that annoyed. And I would probably feel bad he was so tired, and if I was that charged up, take care of myself. She is allowed to change her mind, or deny you sex. As pointed out, if sex was infrequent, it would be one thing, but it doesn't sound like it is. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Why not make it perfectly clear that you want to be intimate with her. She hasn't cracked the code. My ex-wife rarely wanted intimacy and i finally gave up trying. later, She tried to tell me that if she put her foot on mine in the bed that that meant something. I thought it meant we really need to get a bigger bed. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Why not make it perfectly clear that you want to be intimate with her. She hasn't cracked the code. My ex-wife rarely wanted intimacy and i finally gave up trying. later, She tried to tell me that if she put her foot on mine in the bed that that meant something. I thought it meant we really need to get a bigger bed. I thought the foot thing was universal code! SMH Link to comment
Fresh Air Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Some people can't wake up easily. Try to intervene before she ever falls asleep. Don't wisk yourself away for a hopeful shower while she sits tired, alone and bored. Link to comment
regular joe Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Has she always been like this. I had one ex that woman needed a minimum of 8 hrs of sleep. If I waited too late into the evening or was slow coming to bed when she said OK. I would get into bed and she was lights out. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Why not make it perfectly clear that you want to be intimate with her. She hasn't cracked the code. My ex-wife rarely wanted intimacy and i finally gave up trying. later, She tried to tell me that if she put her foot on mine in the bed that that meant something. I thought it meant we really need to get a bigger bed. I thought the foot thing was universal code! SMH I must have been really stupid! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.