opalmind Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 We were together for 3 years, broken up for just over 2 months, NC for 1 of those months. Broke up over a stupid argument that could have been handled better and we've talked it out and both apologised for what happened. We bumped into each other a week ago and have been talking ever since. Neither of us have said we want to get back together we both just agreed to try and be friends. Although he was making up excuses to touch me and was talking about us getting back together in the future (could have been a joke I'm not sure). Anyway I went to a party last night and got drunk, there were loads of couples around me and I got pretty upset because it brought memories of my ex back. There were people there that I hadn't seen in years and they were asking about my ex, I just said we'd broken up and refused to give anymore information. When I got home I was so upset and memories of my ex were flooding my mind so I thought f*** it and messaged him. I told him that I still love him and that if he doesn't feel the same way to just say the word and I'll go because being just friends is too hard for me right now. When I woke up he'd messaged back saying 'please don't do this he said he didn't want to talk about it over text so I asked if he'd talk about it in person and he said yes and now he's coming over to mine next Thursday to talk about things. I know I shouldn't have messaged him drunk, especially not a message like that but it's happened now. I'm kind of glad because this is my chance to find out how he feels and if there's a chance of reconciliation in the future. I'm just hoping that him agreeing to come over and talk about things is a good sign that he might want to get back together..but I'm terrified that he's going to just say he doesn't love me anymore, or that he does but he just wants to move on. But surely if that's what he wants he wouldn't bother coming all the way to my house just to say that? I know nobody can tell me what he's thinking or feeling, but I'd appreciate other people's opinions on the situation because at the moment I have no idea how this talk with him is going to go and I'm so worried. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 "I'lol go back to being just friends".....this is what he thought you were. So expect the talk to be..."we cannot be friends right now". Link to comment
opalmind Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 Don't you think if he was going to come over and just say 'we can't be friends right now' he would have just said it over text? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 No...because he thought this wall all settled and now you are drunk dialing telling him you still love him. Link to comment
Clinton Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Who knows. Wait for the talk but if it doesn't go the way you want, go NC permanently. No point in beating a dead horse. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 something tells me if he didnt wanna be friends he wouldnt have said "please dont do this" in reply to you saying 'being friends is just too hard right now'. instead it wouldve been a text saying "ok" or something, in agreement Link to comment
Doofus Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I wish I could be more optimistic, but, I think that, most likely, he's going to try to talk you into staying friends. That's why he said 'please don't do this'. You should be prepared for this, beforehand. Decide what you want to do and, regardless of how it goes, stick to that. People on here will say that being friends with an ex is always a mistake and never turns into more, but, this is incorrect. It does happen. It's rare, but it does happen. You should weigh the risk reward given the fact that your chances of it are well below 50-50. Some people handle the pain of the rejection of not being able to be with someone you hang out because they don't want to better than others. For some people there's nothing they wouldn't do to avoid it, even giving up on a chance of happiness. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Don't you think if he was going to come over and just say 'we can't be friends right now' he would have just said it over text? It's impossible to know what he is thinking...but IMO it's good you texted (hopefully he didn't detect how drunk you were)...because now you get to talk.... and no matter transpires from that....if nothing else at least you will get some closure. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 It is not the worst thing in the world os don't beat yourself up about it ... I have done worse in my vodka days * hangs head in shame* haha ...and as said it has provoked an honest meeting ..however it might have provoked an honest meeting that doens't go in your favour and there is really no way of knowing . I hope it is fabulous though and you can both make a fresh start , I am rooting for you xx Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Ugh, i think most of us have done the drunk texting thing if we're hung up on an ex and deeply regret it... lesson learned! I would guess that the 'don't do this' response was you telling him that if he didn't want to be your BF you didn't want to be his friend. He doesn't want you to dump him as a friend, still wants your friendship and emotional support without the romance. So he is sad at the thought of you cutting him off because he knows he's not going to date you anymore, and you've just told him that if he's not going to be a romance, you're not going to be his friend. So he doesn't want to get cut off from the friendship. I think if he wanted the romance, the response would be more along the line of, 'I still love you too... maybe i made a mistake and we should talk about it.' I think he wants to talk to you to try to talk you into staying friends with him. Or perhaps to talk you into a FWB situation if he wants you around sometimes, but not all the time. But I do believe information is your friend and it is best to know where you stand with him. and if he's not interested in coming back, then you are making the right choice not to be his friend because unrequited love really sucks and you're just wasting your time and slowing down your healing by continuing to pretend it is OK to be just friends when it is not. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 People on here will say that being friends with an ex is always a mistake and never turns into more, but, this is incorrect. It does happen. It's rare, but it does happen. truth. im friends with one of mine, but my feelings to him are indifferent. i used to love him more than anything but now it's truly friends. i think it works so well tho cause my feelings for him are non existent Link to comment
chickadeedee Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 ^^ Trying to be friends only really works if both of you don't care and have moved on. It is not appropriate if you are trying to heal and move on when someone has dumped you and you want to be with them, because you will keep living in limbo hoping they will change their mind as this OP is living. If you get dumped and really want to heal, you need to let go and really move on and cut contact, at least until you are also indifferent and don't care about the person anymore other than as a friend. As long as you are 'in love', it just doesn't work. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 no use in trying to over analyze things right now, just keep the meeting and then decide based on the outcome of that meeting what you need to do. You drunk texted him...I am pretty sure we have all done that or wanted to do that to an ex at one point. Don't beat yourself up. Now that there is a meeting for you to talk, just be open minded and calm. Who knows what he is going to say, but BE A GOOD LISTENER. If he wants to be friends, do what's best to for you. (I would recommend going no contact and healing...being friends is too emotionally difficult and you will get stuck...) If he wants to give things another shot, again, do what's best for you. Be cautious. Link to comment
mrlabowski Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 IMO he either has too many feelings for you to explain them via a message. Or he wants to have sex with you. Or possibly both. I know if I was in his situation & i had no intentions of getting back with my ex.. I wouldnt want to meet up with her in person just to let her down by just being friends. But, that being said.. I dont know what kind of guy he is. Hes obviously going out of his way to meet up with you in person. My opinion is he probably still has feelings for you. Best of luck to you! Link to comment
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