Relevant Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Hi I don't really know where to start so I'll start with this. Anyone out there have or have been in a Narcissitic relationship with a narcissist? I am very lost, confused and broken. From my research I am currently in the "no contact" period. I am either being silenced in a silent treatment or discarded. It gets complicated since he's done this to me before and I never know how to act. It kills me inside. I am aching. I just want some advice or suggestions of how to get through it? If anyone is out there that knows what I am talking about please tell me your story maybe I can learn. I just feel so devalued and discarded. I've loved this person for almost a decade and do not understand how in an hour they profess their love and worry and the next you are dead to them. Anyone? Anything would help. Thank you. Link to comment
Betteralready Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Were you broken up with or was this a sudden, unexplained silence? If the former, and neither person is attempting to contact the other, then yes you are in no contact. If the latter, then you are not really in no contact- you're just being subjected to a form of emotional abuse called stonewalling. I have been in both situations. If you're being stonewalled and it hurts very deeply, you need to create a boundary: "I will not stay in a relationship that involves stonewalling. The next time it happens, I will leave the relationship." Share this with him when he resurfaces in a serious, calm manner. Stand by it. If you're in no contact, pick up the pieces, move on, and let it go. No one knows what the future holds, but for now you need to take care of yourself while he figures out how to behave. And if he's truly a narcissist, that probably will never happen. Best of luck Link to comment
Relevant Posted February 7, 2015 Author Share Posted February 7, 2015 Thank you for your reply. This relationship has been for years. He would always give me the silent treatments. It was excruciating until I did figure out what it was but by that time he apologized. I only looked at it further now. He litterally left me for dead for surgery. He was my fiancé and had power of attorney and for a week the hospital could not get a hold of him. All my friends couldn't either. My parents both have been dead for years prior to this. So when I woke up and my friend alerted me of what happened and how they had to go to court and get emergency *fill in legal jargon here*, it shocked me. I am still shocked I don't know what to think. The doctors did confront him if he was loyal because things were off they said. He said something to them nothing but vague nonsense and stormed off. Didn't deny or ask for cooperation. He just said they didn't understand our history. ( Our history is simple he cheated on me I worked with a psychologist he refused to go and I took him back). I am home for the first time and just aching. No one can reach him he doesn't even know if I am alive or dead. I am in a fog and just shocked. So in my head no contact. The only thing reasonable is if he's lying in a hospital somewhere (don't worry we checked no one of his name is there). So right now I am just taking one step at a time. He was my best friend. He did however "stonewall me"/ pretended I didn't exist the last time he ran off with someone at work. I'm just not strong enough. He was finally treating me well and poof! I wake up and find this out. Clearly there's more to the story. In your experience what usually happens? How do I even start to comprehend any of this? I mean really? I'm still in the state of what happened? I called when I woke up from the hospital. I had them block the number and of course he didn't answer. I figure if he left me there when the doctors needed his permissions. He doesn't deserve to know if I survived. Other than that I'm trying to wrap my brain of how someone could do that?! And research any books or anything because so far what I have found his games the torment the way he chose to Communicate/ vs not communicate, react is exactly every symptom of a narcissist. Any books of the matter that helps this phase? Will I ever understand? Do I need to understand? Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Eek. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope you get some therapy and stay away from this guy, he sounds toxic. We only get one life that we know of, you know . . . Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Relevant, you might want to search this site for narcissist threads. I recall there have been many and they usually have pages of posts. Link to comment
Elliee Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 You need to take care of yourself first. He will not make a decision for you that is in your best interest unless it benefits him. Make sure that anyone else is your next of kin. Your heart will ache to be in contact with him and that will stroke his ego. He wants to keep you in a state of high anxiety. Once he knows your weak and back for more, he'll discard you and go after a new supply to break, for his own entertainment. He does not feel what you feel. He cannot love. If you can live with this, you can have a one sided relationship with a Narcissist. I have a one sided relationship with a Narcissist. I am an empath that became very co-dependant. I have learned through my own pain to start to break the attachments that keep me at his bay. I feel stronger emotionally in my relationship now and the transition took about a year once I decided I couldn't let him destroy me. I am working toward emotional freedom. He doesn't know it yet, but I've planned my exit and I'm building toward it. I have to spend so much time analysing my decisions and responses to every situation. Read whatever you can. Educate yourself. Remember, your not crazy. Your reaction is a normal response to an abnormal amount of bull. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 You might want to check your bank accounts...you gave him power of atty....and he has disappeared. I think you need a lawyer. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Does it matter if he is a narcissist? He cheated on you and then left you for dead in a hospital. Has he actually been diagnosed as a narcissist? I think the urge to diagnose people is more harmful than helpful. I think you should end this once and for all. Go back to the psychologist if you haven't already, and get yourself some real help. Link to comment
mg22 Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Hes sounds like a typical Narc to me. Simple to figure out, Narcs will never be around when you really need them, your no use to them so they run to the next supply. These people are cruel and have no feelings. Get an attorney and stay away from this bastard !! Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 You might want to check your bank accounts...you gave him power of atty....and he has disappeared. I think you need a lawyer. Thinking it was only medical power of attorney Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Those are know as Healthcare Proxies...hope OP is listening. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Does it matter if he is a narcissist? He cheated on you and then left you for dead in a hospital. Has he actually been diagnosed as a narcissist? I think the urge to diagnose people is more harmful than helpful. I think you should end this once and for all. Go back to the psychologist if you haven't already, and get yourself some real help. Totally agree! I don't understand why you still deal with this guy! He has clearly shown YOU that he is not there for you, or LOYAL. Please get some counseling to understand why you accept this treatment. Time to love and respect yourself, as this guy does not. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Those are know as Healthcare Proxies...hope OP is listening. No it's not. A health care proxy re. life support Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 Medical POA is for making medical decisions when the patient is unable. I have done both for my brother and father There are POAs' for finances. I have this with my mother, in addition to a medical POA Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I signed one for my mother...who had dementia. It allowed me to make all medical decisions with regard to her care. POA...either durable or non durable...are used to give someone the right to make legal transactions. Link to comment
NIN2000 Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 If you truly were involved in a narcissitic relationship then I advice you to seek therapy. You will recover much quicker, wiser and you will see things in a different light. The confusion you feel sounds like you dated someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. It sounds like you were walking on eggshells in this relationship, no matter what you did it was never good enough and behind closed doors you were a punching bag for their emotions. You were in love with someone "who mirrored what you like, enjoy and who you are". In reality the other person uses such tactics to "hook you and addict you to them". The truth is that such people have no personality and that is where they are pyschologically dificient. Do not hesitate and see a therapist. You will get over this much faster and you will see life very differently. Good luck. Link to comment
gone Posted February 8, 2015 Share Posted February 8, 2015 I've been in relationships with narcissists before. While they're all the same, they can have different fronts, and it's really hard to figure out what you're dealing with, especially if the person has many likeable qualities (which he probably does, otherwise he wouldn't be able to get away with it...these people have been getting away with this kind of behavior for a very long time, possibly it started at home). It becomes harder as time goes on and you get sucked in by a force you cannot see, and you only have your limited vision to judge by. But what matters is not the likeable qualities the person has, but how well they treat you. This guy obviously has shown his real colors, and it sounds like you acknowledge he is trash and should be treated as such (ie thrown out and forgotten), but the battle is only half-over once the Narc walks out of your life. I think therapy can be helpful if you find a good therapist, but what can also be helpful is your own willingless to take a hard, long look at yourself. Ask yourself these questions: 1. When did the red flags crop up with this person, and how did I respond to them? 2. What is it I want from a relationship? What is unacceptable behavior? When I know something is unacceptable to me, I will enforce it by ______________. (and then do it) 3. Do I admire my boyfriends, if so, what is it I admire them for? Is it something about them as people, or is it how they treat ME? 4. Am I worthy of love? If I think I am not, why would I think this? Please PM me if you want to talk about my experiences and hear about the things I learned about this 100% Always damaging (to you) disorder. Link to comment
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