He's started talking to me again?

[opalmind]

We were together for 3 years, we broke up just over 2 months ago and were NC for 1 of those months.

We had a stupid argument which was blown way out of proportion and we ended up breaking up and then just not speaking about it again.

 

Well I bumped into him the other day, and he came and said hello, we had a short conversation about what we'd both been up to recently. And then he said that if it wasn't for that argument then we'd probably still be together now he also asked if I was seeing anyone and told me that he isn't. It threw me off track a bit but I carried on talking like a normal conversation. Just as the conversation was coming to a close he said that we'll end up getting back together in a few years anyway and getting married one day. Sort of in a jokey way but also not...I could tell he was looking at my reaction. So I just laughed it off in a nice way, he pulled me into a hug and asked if we could be friends and I said maybe and then we parted ways.

 

Later that day I noticed he unblocked me on Facebook and everything else and re-added me as a friend. I accepted and we've been talking on and off ever since.

He's not the type to talk a lot over messenger because he doesn't really like it. But he seems to be making an effort with me.

 

He's almost always the one to start the conversation, it's lighthearted and fun, but not flirty. We don't really speak about our past relationship tbh, although we have spoken about a few of the things that went wrong and been able to resolve some of the past issues that we had.

 

He says he wants us to be civil to each other first before becoming friends just to see if it will work out.

And it's my birthday in just over 2 weeks and he's asked to come to my birthday meal with my family which I'd love.

 

But I want someone's opinion on this. Do you really think that he might want me back in the near future or do you think he really just wants to be friends?

I know a lot of you will say if he wanted you back then he would say so. But he doesn't seem to like that approach idk. We broke up once before for 3 months I think and he never mentioned getting back together. He decided to be friends first so that we could ease into the relationship again slowly.

 

I'm just not sure if this is what he's doing again? I do want him back.

[CatsMeeoow]

He might be testing the waters... or he might truly just want to be friends.

 

It sounds though that you clearly want more than friends. So you are setting yourself up for heartbreak not knowing his intentions.

 

Honestly as hard as it is I would be clear about the bday party and let him know that you still love him and hope for reconciliation. If that is not his plan he needs to leave you alone.

 

A. If he is looking only for friendship your better off not putting yourself on display at the bday party. B. If he really thinks one day he wants to be with you it will force him to be honest and step up to the plate.

 

I hate to see you go through your break up all over again.

[opalmind]

I know that he likes to take things slowly, we've both hurt each other, and I guess he just want to make sure that the same mistakes wouldn't happen again if we did get back together.

 

I am eventually going to tell him that I want to reconcile with him, and find out his intentions but I don't want to say something too soon because we've not even been talking a week yet.

 

But yeah if he doesn't want the same things as me and just wants friendship then I'll explain that I need space until I've moved on completely before that can happen.

[CatsMeeoow]

Good Luck!

 

Could he be looking for an apology? Everyone makes mistakes. Breaking up over an argument such as you want to raise kids catholic and he wants jewish upbringing is a legitimate reason to part ways as it could lead to resentment years down the road if someone did compromise. If the argument was over whether to squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the middle or roll from the bottom... well... that can be worked out (usually by buying 2 tubes of toothpaste!) Anyway, have you dealt with the argument yourself? Have you made peace? Have you researched other ways to deal with conflict in a relationship? If you get back together it will because you both choose to get find other ways to get past this. Make sure you have done your work before expecting him to do the same.

[opalmind]

Thankyou!

 

What happened was we were at a gig together seeing my favourite band. He prefers to sit and watch bands while I like to be right in the middle dancing around. We went up to a balcony and got front row seats but we were so far away from the stage and seen as it was my favourite band I was upset. I kept asking him to go and dance for a bit but he said no. I guess I shouldn't have pushed him out of his comfort zone but he would have pushed me too if the roles were reversed.

 

I asked him if we could leave earlier because we were going to miss our train home but he said no and that there was another one. Turns out it was a bus and he blamed me for us missing the earlier one. He left me on the platform on my own in the cold, he went off to buy food on his own because he was in a mood. I was crying in an absolute state but he was annoyed with me and we both said stupid things and didn't talk again after that.

 

We both could have handled the situation a lot better. And I'm going to apologise for my part in it but I need him to apologise too.

I think what works for me and him because we have large tempers is to just sit in different rooms for a while till we've calmed down so that we can talk the problem out properly. Hopefully we'll be able to work through this.

[tattoobunnie]

He sounds like a total "it's all about him" tool bag. It was your favorite band, and instead of being supporting, he rips into you all night, then abandons you. He's an abusive jerk. PLEASE DO NOT get back together.

 

YOU've DODGED A BULLET!

[CatsMeeoow]

Ok... just some very simple advice from a woman who is married.

 

Disagreements and hurt feelings are going to happen - accept it now. Its how you deal with it that determines if your relationship will survive.

 

If you see a need to apologize for your own behavior... then do so and immediately!!!!

 

However... do not walk around with a need for him to apologize... don't do it. If you apologize and he does not reciprocate it and you expect it you will become angry and resentful plain and simple. If you accept that you have been with this man for 3yr and this is not normally how he treats you and you can admit that there were events that were snowballing to the end result then you have to let it go. Hopefully he does also come full circle and say he is sorry for how things turned out but your relationship won't stand a chance unless you let it go.

 

Now, if he treats you like this all time then you have to ask yourself why is it you want to stay.

 

When you wake up and realize you would rather see your favorite band with him or not go at all... when you realize that back row seats with him are way more awesome than front row seats without him... then maybe it becomes not so much about you but about the two of you is when a relationship has a chance at long term.