brigirl92 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I'm starting to think NC isn't for me. I spend more time thinking about my ex on the days that he doesn't contact, than on the days that he does. It is weird. I know everyone says it is best to go NC in order to heal and get over, but I don't know...In my case talking to him every now and then helps. It's just so hard jump from constantly talking to someone to going NC I hate it. If you haven't figured out yet, NC was broken today. Ever since we broke up, it's been NIC on my part, minus one time just two days after the BU. Is there benefits to being NIC and not NC? What are cons? I know, I know NIC puts myself in the position to be strung along. It's just NC is so tough to follow through. I, thus far, have preferred NIC. Ugh...this is my first breakup, so I admit, my approach may not be the best. Link to comment
Rihanna Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Everyone sucks at NC at first and feels drained from thinking of the ex but it's because the brain is trying to hold on, it's a trick. this is why NC is not done for a few days it should be done for AT LEAST 30 days cos in time you start thinking about other stuff and doing other stuff... Plus, you shouldn't be talking to your ex at all during that time... What's NIC? It's ok to fail your first attempt at NC you're not the first but now you have to start again. Strictly NC starting from today!!! 30 days minimum... Force yourself to ignore him but at first it's ok to think about him so don't be too hard on yourself Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 What you are feeling, everyone has felt. I thought communicating with my ex made me feel better but instead I felt worst. It took me 3 weeks to fully start no contact and I'm happy that I did. There really isn't any benefit in staying in contact with your ex right now. Remember, they chose to walk out of your life. Could you really deal with hearing about your ex moving on? Eventually he will and you will still be at the place you are right now. However, if you are completely over the relationship and your hopes of being with him, then maybe staying in contact will work for you. Removing the source of pain WILL make you feel better sooner than later. You could then potentially have a friendship in the future. Link to comment
brigirl92 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Everyone sucks at NC at first and feels drained from thinking of the ex but it's because the brain is trying to hold on, it's a trick. this is why NC is not done for a few days it should be done for AT LEAST 30 days cos in time you start thinking about other stuff and doing other stuff... Plus, you shouldn't be talking to your ex at all during that time... What's NIC? It's ok to fail your first attempt at NC you're not the first but now you have to start again. Strictly NC starting from today!!! 30 days minimum... Force yourself to ignore him but at first it's ok to think about him so don't be too hard on yourself Thank you for your words. NIC means no initial contact, meaning he'll contact me but it's my choice if I want to respond (which I almost always do). The one time I initiated contact, I had too much expectation on my end, how would he respond, how often, etc...it sucked. I don't feel that way with NIC. I usually respond, it's short, and I go on about my day. But I do understand that I'm putting myself in a position to be convenient It's like I'm depending on him to reach out and check in with me. Whether I want to admit it or not, that's not fair to me. I agree, I can't be so tough on myself. It hasn't even been two weeks since we broke up I'm starting again, and hopefully I can last longer this time around Link to comment
brigirl92 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 What you are feeling, everyone has felt. I thought communicating with my ex made me feel better but instead I felt worst. It took me 3 weeks to fully start no contact and I'm happy that I did. There really isn't any benefit in staying in contact with your ex right now. Remember, they chose to walk out of your life. Could you really deal with hearing about your ex moving on? Eventually he will and you will still be at the place you are right now. However, if you are completely over the relationship and your hopes of being with him, then maybe staying in contact will work for you. Removing the source of pain WILL make you feel better sooner than later. You could then potentially have a friendship in the future. I agree, it's just hard to accept I miss him and our relationship so much that it is hard to let go, but I can't put myself in the position of trying to keep him in my life. Because when he moves on, which he'll eventually will, I'll still be in the same place. I guess I still haven't accepted our breakup yet Link to comment
Brokenhart84 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I agree, it's just hard to accept I miss him and our relationship so much that it is hard to let go, but I can't put myself in the position of trying to keep him in my life. Because when he moves on, which he'll eventually will, I'll still be in the same place. I guess I still haven't accepted our breakup yet You might always miss him. I miss my ex as well...dearly. I'm almost 30 days no contact and I still have episodes of crying. But I love me more than I love him. Link to comment
kathy679 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Breaking contact is like breaking an addiction to crack, heroin etc. Once u start nc, u have to get that person out of your system to see the benefits. This is extremely hard, and you may give in, but don't give up. You have a rollercoaster of emotions ahead but take it a day at a time, it will get easier in time and u will benefit if u r patient Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 It's difficult to do NC because you're NOT doing NC. You are prolonging your pain by not cutting ties. Link to comment
No1 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 If this is your first break up, then stepping away from the situation is the best thing. Learn the basics and for now the basics is you. We know you miss your X, NC is hard and its not easy but it can be done. I think you are still far too focused on your X when you should be doing for yourself. Link to comment
chamachama Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 What the heck is NIC? Sorry but that makes no sense at all. NIC is not a method for healing from a breakup. Its nothing at all. You're playing a game. Stop playing games and stop contact with him and you will finally start to heal. "Any" contact whether it is contact initiated from him or even looking at his FB page or pics will stall your healing and stop you from moving forward. Every time you see a text from him it will hurt more. Tell him not to contact you anymore and block him. That will slow the pain down a bit. NIC does absolutely nothing at all. Better off just contacting him and getting your heart torn from your chest over and over again. Same thing anyway. Link to comment
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