opalmind Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 No matter what I can't seem to stop thinking about him, like wondering what he's doing right now and how he's coping with all of this, to thinking about stupid good memories with him that don't even matter anymore. I think about him with other people and how much it's going to crush me when he actually starts dating someone seriously again. And he's still in my dreams, normally it's of us getting back together but this time it was him with someone else, one of my friends actually, and I can kind of see them getting together, I know he's tried before when we were apart. It's awful. But I can't seem to cry. I feel the urge to but at the same time I feel numb, I haven't felt any anger towards him yet just sadness which is odd for me because I'm normally quite a hot tempered person. I've realised that my ex is just a person, that him and our relationship isn't and wasn't as great as I'm making it out to be and that going back to him wouldn't be pleasant. I don't feel the urge to see him or talk to him because I know that it would just make me feel bad. And I guess feeling like that is good right? But no matter what there's always a little part of me that's clinging to the hope that we'll get back together and everything will be fine and he'll change, but then I start to thinking that maybe it's all my fault. I know that if I bump into him, if I see his face and hear his voice it'll just break me down into tears there and then and I don't think I'd care about any of the bad things he's done I'd just end up taking him back within a second. I don't know how to keep moving forward away from him, I just feel like every time I make a tiny bit of progress I take 10 steps backwards. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 You're doing great and your feelings are normal. You go forward one day at a time and stay as NO CONTACT as much as humanly possible. This is imperative. I learned the hard way and it cost me half a year of healing. Don't make that mistake. Eventually he will fade away. It's miraculous when that happens, and it will..! Take care Link to comment
chamachama Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 You're doing really good. Keep up the no contact. My question would be what have you done since the breakup that's new in your life? Any new activities? Plan any trips? Are you hitting the gym? Meeting new people? Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 I will stay NC, I've only been NC for 1 or 2 days now, but I don't feel the urge to speak to him, I'll just get ignored or something nasty back. It's just the dreams and constant thoughts. -.- Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 I haven't really done anything, I've not left my house in a week, which is really bad I know, I'm forcing myself to go into college tomorrow, and made plans with friends for the weekend. I want to take up a new hobbie or learn a language something like that but I don't really have the money. Link to comment
Funkyartist Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 You can get through this. I'm going through the same thing right now; I broke up with my ex for good reason, but I still think if all the good times and miss him. Take it day by day, and lean heavily on your friends and family. Be honest with them when it's feeling really dark and you need some uplifting. Try not to contact him; I didn't contact my ex for a month after the breakup, and finally talking to him (or rather, him yelling at me), just added to my baggage. You can do it. Hold onto the moments when you feel ok and make them last. Happy to talk if you need it. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 I can't really lean on my friends and family about this because me and my ex have been on and off basically through out our entire relationship, and they're all sick of it probably. I know I am. So really I have only myself and the internet to turn to, I don't want to push my friends away by talking about it too much, and I'm not close with my family, they don't even know that I'm upset about him. I won't contact him. But I do work with his Dad, and I'm going back into work at the start of next month and I might have to bump into my ex a few times. Not quite sure what to do if he speaks to me. I know I shouldn't be working with his Father, but I'm really stuck for money and getting another job with pay this good is basically beyond impossible for someone my age. Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 What we focus on grows, the more you think about something the brain makes a bigger connection to it. It's easy for me to say don't think about him you wouldn't be human if you didn't it but it takes a conscious effort and mind set to move on. Like others have said focus on you and throw yourself into new things and know with each day your placing a building block to a healed happy you and soon you'll have a full wall. Yes it will have ups and downs but remember to lay the brick. Plus you don't need money to do stuff. Go for a walk, jog, run. Go to a meet up group for things your interested like learning a new language, get involved in college projects and your field of study. Yea i would advise looking for a new job even if it doesn't pay as much it's in your best interest to not deal with contact either directly or indirectly with your ex. It's a college job it won't be what your doing forever. Link to comment
chamachama Posted January 8, 2015 Share Posted January 8, 2015 I haven't really done anything, I've not left my house in a week, which is really bad I know, I'm forcing myself to go into college tomorrow, and made plans with friends for the weekend. I want to take up a new hobbie or learn a language something like that but I don't really have the money. Go to link removed and see if there are any groups that peak your interest in your area. When I went through one of my tougher breakups I used that site and found a really cool volunteering group. Making new friends and helping others always helps put things into perspective for me. There are tons of new things you can do. The more new things you do, the faster you will heal. Be proactive about stopping the pain. There are jogging groups, biking groups, computer groups.... you name it, its out there. And if you haven't already, join a gym. Getting into shape (or if you are in shape already, keeping in shape) always helps as well. Link to comment
opalmind Posted January 8, 2015 Author Share Posted January 8, 2015 I don't think meet up groups would be all that good for me, I have social anxiety and the prospect of meeting new people all by myself is absolutely terrifying. Although I could ask a friend to come with me I guess. And I am going to look for a new job, but in the mean time I don't really have a choice about working with my ex's Dad, I have to give my Mum money to keep the house otherwise we're basically out on the streets, so until I find a new job I can't quit. It's a rubbish situation. Link to comment
chamachama Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 I don't think meet up groups would be all that good for me, I have social anxiety and the prospect of meeting new people all by myself is absolutely terrifying. Although I could ask a friend to come with me I guess. And I am going to look for a new job, but in the mean time I don't really have a choice about working with my ex's Dad, I have to give my Mum money to keep the house otherwise we're basically out on the streets, so until I find a new job I can't quit. It's a rubbish situation.[/quote There are things you can do for yourself. You're just refusing to take "yourself" into consideration. Once you do, things start getting easier. But you're obsessed with your ex and your world is still revolving around the thought of him. Things like going to the gym, joining a new group activity, even taking kick boxing classes or going on a wine tasting tour in your area are all things that you do with yourself in mind that have absolutely nothing at all to do with him... does that make sense? Once you start doing things for yourself, you'll start to fill that hole he left with new cool experiences... Try it! What on earth do you have to lose? As far as the job, look for a new one. Get into it. Make it a job in and of itself to find a new better job. Make your life better both physically and mentally... Link to comment
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