New boyfriend's ex says she is pregnant

[GG33]

I had been talking to a man for over two months. We had been seeing each other a little over a month. We worked at a previous company together a few years ago and kept in touch. He is 46.

 

Who knows what the full true story is. I feel like he isn't telling the whole truth. But he has seemed so sincere. On December 12 we had had a discussion on if we were seeing other people. He initiated this. He said he does date someone from time to time but nothing committed but wondered if I see other people. He said since he started seeing me he hadn't been seeing anyone else. Only me. I told him I also hadn't been seeing anyone else and he was very happy to hear it.

 

So a week later we had a date planned and very upsettedly tells me this woman he had had an on/off relationship with for the past few years called and said she is pregnant. I don't know how old she is but she is in her 40's. And she claims she takes the pill but thinks antibiotics caused her to get pregnant. He claims that they last slept together before he started seeing me and it would have been october 15 or before that. It has me suspicious because of the timing of all of this, her age, and she waited this long to tell him. He claims that they backed things off over the last few months because it was hard for them to see each other often since they both have kids. (i'm wondering if the truth is he had that conversation with her after he asked me if I was seeing others or not and not two months ago like he implied.)

 

He told me he felt like he has no choice but to stop seeing me and give things with her a shot or at least get a clear head. I asked if he was in love with her and he said he didn't think so because of how he felt about me. I definitely think we were falling for each other and he wasn't being fake. This has been devastating.

 

What are the odds this woman made this up? He said he has his doubts too but has to trust until he can prove things. I don't know what to believe.

[Batya33]

Someone I dated over 10 years ago had the same situation - the woman was in her 40s (so was he), they only were dating a few months, she claimed to be on birth control. I don't think she trapped him -he took the risk by having sex with her - but by the time he met me she was in her last trimester. He did not want to marry her or be with her. I respected him for not doubting that the baby was his (not sure if he had a paternity test). He never got back together with her and they co-parent the child. I ended things with him because the situation was too much for me to handle (I was in my late 30s at the time). I think you should assume that the woman is pregnant with his child and I would step aside for now until it is resolved in one way or another -it's a lot to handle.

[ThatwasThen]

I think HE should not assume anything and ask for a pre-birth paternity test... It can be done with a blood test. They were not exclusive when they were dating "on and off"

 

If I were you, I'd let him go. There are men out there without the drama that this one is bringing to your table.

 

Good luck.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think your guess that he's not telling the full truth, is right on target. The entire story sounds shady, (imo) and with only being a month in, you're better off cutting your losses now, rather than rolling the dice and walking on eggshells.

[Sportster2005]

What are the odds this woman made this up? He said he has his doubts too but has to trust until he can prove things. I don't know what to believe.

 

I think the odds are poor she is making this up. He has gone back with her. I would forget about him. You're going to get entangled in a mess you just don't need.

[Circe]

Well, there are some antibiotics (and some other medicinal drugs actually) which can weaken the effect of contraception such that you could get pregnant while on the pill.

 

So - what reason is there to believe she is lying other than the stereotype that women trap men with lies of pregnancy?

 

I think the only thing to believe here is that this is not the right situation for you. You don't trust him. He's ended things. You only had a month invested in it. Probably best to move on from this one.

[missmarple]

It doesn't matter if she's lying or not. That's for him to worry about. The only thing that matters and what stood out for me in your post is this:

 

He told me he felt like he has no choice but to stop seeing me and give things with her a shot or at least get a clear head.

 

For whatever reason, he wants out...and when someone says he's decided to stop seeing you...just show him the door and wish him good luck. All the rest is needless drama.

[Mellie]

I think there is a good chance she's lying. Either that or the timing is impeccable. It seems fairly obvious he's gone back to her and told her he can't see her anymore and she's dropped that bombshell. But as other posters have said, it doesn't really matter though. He's chosen not to be with you. As for him lying and things not quite adding up, I think when you get that feeling, it's generally with good reason.

 

You have no choice but to let him go but even if you did, I don't think I could be involved with someone who's about to have a child with somebody else. From the birth to everyday ever after, he and his priorities are going to change and you won't be part of it.