Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Met this guy in the spring of this year online. His profile said he was single and looking for marriage, which I soon found to be a lie. We met in person and talked over the phone and texted several times then he disappeared...just stopped responding to my messages. He reappeared a while later and disappeared again so by this time I kinda told him off. When I did he let on that someone was living with him and he was "supporting" her because she has no job and he said they argued a lot, he didn't trust her, her kids were disrespectful to him in his house, his son didn't like her, etc. Well the day after Thanksgiving he calls me pissed at her that she was talking to him rudely in his house and asked me what he should do? I'm like I can't tell u that is your decision but no on should make u uncomfortable in your own house. so an hour later he calls back and said the police came and escorted her away. so while she is gone he wants to spend time with me and we did. after we met earlier this year and talked I really liked his personality, he was funny, and nice so I agreed to spend time with him and I felt drawn to him more. I was on my way to visit him sunday and he calls and says its not a good idea. He appeared very upset as he said he had feelings for me and didn't know what to do. I was devastated and asked why and after a while he said he was still in love with her and he moved her back in yesterday. He says he has "equity" in her so they should work it out. I find this to be bs because someone that leans on him financially, has been in and out, and has only been around for less than a year is not equitable. Hell equity doesn't stop people from divorcing and splitting. I feel like he is weak and this woman who has nothing makes him feel like a man like he needs a weaker pArtner and that i intimidate him because i work, have my own house and no kids. I feel his relationship is toxic and he didn't trust her from the get go and I don't get why he cannot see this. He wants to stay in touch but right now I have him blocked,...should I keep it that way? Its hard because I really liked this guy. AND he still is active in his online profile...if he is so in love why would he be online using a paid site saying he is looking for marriage??? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 It depends what your life goals are and how much you like yourself. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 It depends what your life goals are and how much you like yourself. I guess it sounds like i'm pretty down on myself to actually want this type of guy to want me huh? I think he lied to me from day 1 Link to comment
greta96 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 He is your typical married man you will find on every online dating site, "looking for love" but in reality looking for some side action. Nothing unusual here, I really don't see your confusion. You did the right thing by blocking him, and yes, please keep him blocked. Unless of course you love drama and being his mistress, and are willing to waste precious time out of your life on a moronic, deadbeat cheat and liar. He won't leave his wife/partner/whatever she is. He is just selfishly looking to spice up his own life, and is trolling the dating sites for women with low enough self esteem, that they would be willing to partake in his extramarital escapades. Hopefully you won't allow yourself to be one of those. Rest assured, he is not looking for marriage, far from it, lol, but it's not like he can advertise himself as "married, looking for a vagina on the side" ! Link to comment
greta96 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I guess it sounds like i'm pretty down on myself to actually want this type of guy to want me huh? I think he lied to me from day 1 Yep, he did lie to you (and how many others?) from day one. Guys who do this type of stuff are very skilled at it, they know how to sweet talk a woman, that's why you liked him. But now you know better, and will leave him blocked right? Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Yep, he did lie to you (and how many others?) from day one. Guys who do this type of stuff are very skilled at it, they know how to sweet talk a woman, that's why you liked him. But now you know better, and will leave him blocked right? Yes i will. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 He's not married she 's a live in gf Link to comment
Nuby Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 He does sound weak but you can't save everyone. People do things...then they backtrack. It's life. The title of the thread should really be... "Why am I still hanging around?" Don't waste any more of your precious time because people who don't value their own time, sure as hell don't value yours. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Funny, the headline in his profile says that he's been hurt so he knows not to hurt someone else...funny since he is in the business of hurting people Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 He does sound weak but you can't save everyone. People do things...then they backtrack. It's life. The title of the thread should really be... "Why am I still hanging around?" Don't waste any more of your precious time because people who don't value their own time, sure as hell don't value yours. You are so right! Can't believe i thought something would progress with me and him. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 I feel like i have to hate myself because i'm not as "needy" as most women and guys don't want me because of this. Link to comment
Nuby Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I feel like i have to hate myself because i'm not as "needy" as most women and guys don't want me because of this. I for one am attracted to women who aren't needy so I completely disagree with you. The vast majority of us though have a huge issue with respecting ourselves - we stay in situations that aren't making us happy. It's no different to staying in a job for years on end that we hate. It's the easy option, not necessarily the right option. However we're happy to complain and moan about it for years too. People who know what they want tend not to have too much pity for those who think they know what's right but do nothing about it. Link to comment
greta96 Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I feel like i have to hate myself because i'm not as "needy" as most women and guys don't want me because of this. No, you should congratulate yourself for that!!! "Needy" women only appeal to a certain kind of men, the abusive, controlling ones, or the ones who need a spineless woman who would be happy to be the side piece. These are not the kind of men you need in your life. Keep being the way you are, it's not that guys don't want you because of it, on the contrary, by being like that you are actually weeding out deadbeats. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 You are so right! Can't believe i thought something would progress with me and him. No, you should congratulate yourself for that!!! "Needy" women only appeal to a certain kind of men, the abusive, controlling ones, or the ones who need a spineless woman who would be happy to be the side piece. These are not the kind of men you need in your life. Keep being the way you are, it's not that guys don't want you because of it, on the contrary, by being like that you are actually weeding out deadbeats. Ok Greta, i know you're right i just have to start believing this, thats where i have the issue is with believing it when i know its right. My friends tell me this, older co workers tell me this so i need to feel it and believe it . U said controlling and i have seen a piece of this from him in the past like he freaks out when i wouldn't answer the phone and he wants to know about the number of men in my life. A bit much for someone he didn't really care about in the end. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 I for one am attracted to women who aren't needy so I completely disagree with you. The vast majority of us though have a huge issue with respecting ourselves - we stay in situations that aren't making us happy. It's no different to staying in a job for years on end that we hate. It's the easy option, not necessarily the right option. However we're happy to complain and moan about it for years too. People who know what they want tend not to have too much pity for those who think they know what's right but do nothing about it. I see your point i guess thats why he uses the term equity in her...which is bs to me Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I feel like i have to hate myself because i'm not as "needy" as most women and guys don't want me because of this. I think you need to re-examine your definition of "needy". You are financially independent, yes. However, after the first time he blew you off --- you let him back in. And when he called and said "she left" ---- you ran to him. That isn't emotional independence in any way. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 I think you need to re-examine your definition of "needy". You are financially independent, yes. However, after the first time he blew you off --- you let him back in. And when he called and said "she left" ---- you ran to him. That isn't emotional independence in any way. Im not financially independent by any means. I do have a house but i am just getting by. Maybe i'm not independent emotionally still doesn't make him a saint. I went to him as a friend to be there for him in that way but things took a turn. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 He isn't on here looking for advice! He's a snake. My point: He treats you with disrespect --- and yet you run to support him. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 He isn't on here looking for advice! He's a snake. My point: He treats you with disrespect --- and yet you run to support him. Yes i did, because at the time i felt that/he was the best i could do. As i said in my previous post i feel like i have to lower myself and standards to get someone. And i know thats a awful way to think. Link to comment
Nuby Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Yes i did, because at the time i felt that/he was the best i could do. As i said in my previous post i feel like i have to lower myself and standards to get someone. And i know thats a awful way to think. Lowering your standards = wonky relationships. Hence your "current" situation Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 Lowering your standards = wonky relationships. Hence your "current" situation Right but people always say my standards were too high! But i guess in this case i didn't lower them i threw them out the damn window . Link to comment
Nuby Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Right but people always say my standards were too high! But i guess in this case i didn't lower them i threw them out the damn window . That's another thing entirely if you're being unrealistic. Take heart from the fact that there are so many people out there who are right for us....just got to stop spending our time on the time wasters. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 That's another thing entirely if you're being unrealistic. Take heart from the fact that there are so many people out there who are right for us....just got to stop spending our time on the time wasters. True, i don't think my standards were that terribly high just seems i threw everything out the window for an attractive, charming, liar. Now that i think back at some of his behavior i see the controlling part. Before he chose to move her back in and he was calling me he would get pissed if i didn't answer the phone. Also wanted to know about any other men i was talking to...smh! Link to comment
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