saluk Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 "I have her up on a pedestal and she should know it." Well putting someone too high on a pedestal is usually a bad thing. Sure, it's bad for you, because when she does something that takes her off the pedestal it can badly affect you. But it can also be bad for the person - especially if they are at a time of low-self esteem. You would think that praising someone's good qualities will make them feel better about themself, but sometimes all that praise can feel like pressure, that they have to live up to what you've said about them. "Unfortunately there are things about her over the last 8 weeks or so that I can't discuss in an open forum. Without being too specific she's been mostly house-bound recovering from an injury. Things were great beforehand. Then this. I've been supportive and by her side as much as possible. The meds she's on my be an issue, cabin fever perhaps, boredom maybe, depression...I don't know." All of the above are contributing. She's obviously in downward emotional direction, sucks that she's saying it's your fault. I think it has to do with the work of being in a relationship, she can't handle that right now. It's really not you. Timing, the 7 month hump, and just her emotional state/maturity sound pretty low. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Ok, you took the pedestal comment a little too literal. I only said it to show the contrast between what I feel she said and the way it really is. There's been no word from her since Saturday afternoon, haven't seen her since last Wednesday. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 There might be some differing opinions here, but what about Christmas? I feel I should have a little something wrapped and in the car incase she has something. If for no other reason I don't look like an ass. Link to comment
1a1a Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 What's her love language? Maybe yours and hers are different and there's a failure to communicate there. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Love. Language. ? Not sure what u mean but I think we share a love language. Link to comment
1a1a Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 It's worth researching a little, there's 5 of them, touch, words of praise, gifts, kind acts, I always forget the 5th one, it might be making quality time for each other. My love language is very definitely touch. My last partner, his might have been more like kind acts and quality time and he had issues with physical affection. I'm not sure if he felt loved by me but in the midst of a physical affection drought (so severe I would Ask to be held and be met with a no or I'd go to kiss him and he'd back away) little things got blown out of proportion. I've never felt so ugly or dumb or gross as I did imagining myself through his eyes and I think if he'd been able to speak my love language I could have weathered a lot more. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Check, check, check, check and check. However circumstances have an effect on frequency of the physical. Link to comment
1a1a Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Quite frankly, I think if you were successfully covering all those bases you wouldn't have the problem you have now. Maybe you need to give your own actions some more thought. Maybe you need to ask her? Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Um, yeah. I did ask her. Haven't talked to her since Saturday. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Frankly as far as In could tell during this conversation, her mind is made up and there isn't anything I can say or do. It wasn't an angry call, she just apologised profusely because she felt bad, told me multiple times how much she really loves me and how great I am...but... I was mostly silent other than to ask what it was I said or did. I don't know if she misses me and is waiting for my call or waiting for me to pick up my stuff. In that respect I don't feel like doing that before Christmas. If she misses me, she's probably getting more angry by the second or thinks I don't care. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 It sounds like at the heart of it, there is a communication issue. If it were me personally, and my partner (or anyone) said I didn't make them feel good, I would want 5 examples of things I said or did that back up that claim. (I'm an academic, lol). So that from that point, I can assess if it is me and my behavior, or if my partner is being unreasonable or over-sensitive by my standards. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 12, 2014 Author Share Posted December 12, 2014 Emailed a couple days ago just to clarify things, did the 'apology for the way things turned out' kinda thing and said that I'll leave it to her to decide whether there's anything else left to discuss blah blah. Hasn't answered yet. I guess there's a chance she hasn't seen it, but it's the email she uses. Bottom line is if it's done, then she needs to communicate at some point so I can get my things. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 13, 2014 Author Share Posted December 13, 2014 Sent a text message this morning. Said everything I had to say or could think to say about the relationship a/o the current situation or whatnot. I was kind, but didn't grovel. Didn't ask her to reconsider or any of that. If she doesn't respond in a reasonable amount of time, I guess the only way to get a response is to finally ask to make arrangements to pick up my things. I haven't gotten upset about this at all. I almost lost it once a few days ago only when I thought about laying with her, nose to nose staring into each others' eyes. Good times. But how can you really feel anything other than anger in these circumstances, at this time of year? (but I did cry during a dog-rescue video this morning) I know maybe I haven't waited very long. But there's a fine line between 'long enough to put things in perspective' and 'too long to do anything about it'. Even then I'm not sure how I'd like this to go. With any relationship there are ups and downs, but which are stronger? I miss her, but I've also enjoyed more time at home with my things and my dog rather than having to run back and forth or packing clothes before going to work or... ...whatever. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 14, 2014 Author Share Posted December 14, 2014 She did respond same-day, late at night. No idea what it means but it's a same-day response nonetheless. "sorry i haven't said anything...not sure what to say right now...feel horrible...don't want you to think I'm ignoring you". Whatever. Just tell me if I should pick up my things. It's the time of year you know? I don't want to pressure her either way Because I'm still not sure I know how I want it to turn out. It's easier to stay in a relationship than to go online and tell my story all over again. But then on the other hand, are we going to do this again in another three months?? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Sounds like this relationship has run its course. Sorry! Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 Sounds like this relationship has run its course. Sorry! I agree. But it's still nice to have answers. To be accused of unknown behavior sucks. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 Bit the bullet...said a few things and asked if we should arrange to pick up my things. No response yet. Been a few hours. She'll probably till long after I'm in bed. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Sounds like this relationship has run its course. Totally agree. Definitely not compatible. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Totally agree. Definitely not compatible. The hell?? There are lots of forces acting against this relationship. If it were just she and I, I'm sure we'd be good. But there's my horrible work schedule, her kids, her mother, my mother, her injury. Anyway, I'll be picking up my things some time this week. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 The hell?? There are lots of forces acting against this relationship. If it were just she and I, I'm sure we'd be good. But there's my horrible work schedule, her kids, her mother, my mother, her injury. Anyway, I'll be picking up my things some time this week. In a word ----- life. Anyone can love in isolation. It is when reality steps in that the pedal hits the metal. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 In a word ----- life. Anyone can love in isolation. It is when reality steps in that the pedal hits the metal. yeah, i'd say that sums it up! Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Well, it's done. I picked up my things this afternoon. Had to go to a brunch for a coworker's birthday and by the time I was done there *she* had gone to a nephew's hockey game, so I didn't even see her. She was pretty thorough packing up my things, missed one thing though, maybe two. I guess I hoped she'd tuck a note somewhere, but there's nothing. She's not on facebook so that's not a problem. Her sister in law is on my friends list...not sure what to do about that just yet...probably delete her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I've hidden some people like that from my friends list - I don't want to full out delete them because they did nothing to me, but I don't want to see my ex showing up in their photos or whatnot. So, I just hid them from appearing in my feed. Link to comment
Gilson Posted December 28, 2014 Author Share Posted December 28, 2014 So lonely. I try to reach out to friends for conversation or face time but nothing. I did spend a few hours at my best friends place yesterday listening to the LPs I had just bought and had some coffee. I didn't go Boxing Day night like I have every Boxing Day for the last 20 years or so. EVERYBODY else that goes is successful in their careers and married with children. I am none of these. I have found it difficult in recent years to relate Link to comment
DylanMaxwell Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Did she provided any example that makes her feel this way? Link to comment
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