DaisyHope Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I think send - as long as you're sure you want to!! I don't know your back story but so long as you're 100% send it. Then go NC again! Link to comment
Draven8 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 You dont even need any input from anyone now. You already know you are being suckered in. Dont send it unless your now enjoying the drama, have no respect for yourself and want to continue with the anxiety. Youve been here how many times now ? How many more times are you prepared to be here ? Everytime you send you continue wasting your life. When you ask someone if they love you do you want them to say "Well I'm trying too or I'm not sure" Move on you have said all this before. Youv probably already sent it ? It's so old. Link to comment
chamachama Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Your message is meant to continue the drama. Things wont change and you know that. If you wanted to heal for real, and eventually find someone who's a better fit for you, you wouldn't even entertain the idea of replying or contacting him in any way. You aren't done with the drama yet. You haven't had your fill just yet. Eventually you will have had enough though, but probably with a bit more pain and crap built up from continuing... Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 You know he is not up to the "monumental task" of reconciliation. You know you don't trust him. So ---- what would be the point in replying. Ignore. He knows you read the email from another acct. Block that one as well. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 I did not send the email. I blocked the other email now too. I'm done. I hate this anxious feeling. I think it helped crafting the letter for myself. I realize that it does no good to say these things to him. He isn't listening anyway. You're right. He is not up to the monumental effort it would take. Ugh. Okay - letting go. Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I have reconciled with my bf ---2x. And IT IS a monumental task --- even when trust hasn't been broken. In our case --- life happenings --- caused a break in the storyline of our relationship. But relationships are living things --- and you cannot drop one and pick it up months later without dealing with a lot of stuff. Reconciliation (at least successful ones) ain't for the faint of heart. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 I agree. We would have a lot to deal with. He is unsure we would be successful. I don't know that we would be but I wanted to try. He remains on the fence. I guess that says all I need to know. Link to comment
Draven8 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 I agree. We would have a lot to deal with. He is unsure we would be successful. I don't know that we would be but I wanted to try. He remains on the fence. I guess that says all I need to know. You are correct Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 He cannot even go a week without disrespecting your request for space. "We need to talk" ---- for the 1,432nd time ----- about "I don't know". No, you don't need to talk about it again. Thanks Draven8- Ok - I need some help here. I've gone NC- blocked his phone, text and emails. Well- just sent me another email from a new address so it would reach me. Says he wants to talk!! I don't want to get suckered in again but if he really wants to reconcile what do I do?? Link to comment
mhowe Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 Don't you think if he really wanted to reconcile --- he would show up on your doorstep, and not "phone it in"??? Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Absolutely! I agree. I'm so frustrated with his nonsense. I'm glad I am, it gives me the right perspective. Link to comment
Draven8 Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 It's your nonsense too Have you ever seen Frozen ? Let it go, let it go Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Ha! Yes- I suppose you are right. I'm letting it go!! Link to comment
DaisyHope Posted November 25, 2014 Share Posted November 25, 2014 New phase of my 'healing'... A sense that it never even happened, accepting that it's not going to happen, telling myself he doesn't miss me and telling myself in times of weakness and wanting to get in touch that even though I don't think there is anyone else I've told myself he's with a new girl. It's enabled me to Stay strong in NC and not contact him and also given me some sort of reason for this having happened....weirdly I now have this odd sense of calm... So for anyone else struggling with NC tell yourself the he or she is with someone new.hard as that is it helps... Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 25, 2014 Author Share Posted November 25, 2014 Have not heard from him. Breathing a sigh of relief. I'm letting go of some of the anxiety. It feels good. Link to comment
Dead874 Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Have not heard from him. Breathing a sigh of relief. I'm letting go of some of the anxiety. It feels good. Well done, proud of you Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Thanks. I'm feeling strong. There is peace is having blocked him in every way possible. I have no expectation of hearing from him now and I will not contact him, so I can relax. Plus I'm 400 miles away for the next 5 days so I know he won't just show up and mess with my head. Feeling good!! Link to comment
chamachama Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 Good job!! Nicely done=) Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 Thanks chamachama It helps to be back in New England with family. One step at a time! Link to comment
redsox22 Posted November 27, 2014 Author Share Posted November 27, 2014 It's been over a week now of NC. Today was hard being a holiday but I kept myself busy with family. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm feeling optimistic in general and feeling strong and like I have my self-respect back. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Does this get easier?! I'm back home from being away visiting family for the holiday and now I'm starting my daily routine, getting kids to school and going to work. It's hard to ignore the absence of him in this daily routine. I miss him. It still hurts just as much. I feel like I'm white knuckling it this more. When does it ease up?! Link to comment
chamachama Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Does this get easier?! I'm back home from being away visiting family for the holiday and now I'm starting my daily routine, getting kids to school and going to work. It's hard to ignore the absence of him in this daily routine. I miss him. It still hurts just as much. I feel like I'm white knuckling it this more. When does it ease up?! It comes in waves. Let it hit you, move through you, and then in back of you. You're going to be ok. Just breath and hit the gym (hit it hard). Eat, Drink, Gym, Breathe....don't forget to breathe!!! "The best way out is always through." - Robert Frost Link to comment
redsox22 Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 I'm going to go for a run after work. It does come in waves. Most days I feeling I've accepted things, other days I wish he would come back but the reality is that don't really want that either. I'm looking forward to feeling indifferent. That's what I need. Link to comment
redsox22 Posted December 2, 2014 Author Share Posted December 2, 2014 I need to remind myself that I cannot hold out hope. I have to let go for good. I saw his jeep today on my way to work. He usually works from home these days and it's a bit far. But he has an office near my work. As far as I know he has no real reason to come to the office. He used to work there vesus home if we were going to get together. Anyway, I passed him on the way to work this morning. Soooo....all day I kept thinking he was going to reach out to me. But no. Nothing. I can't reach out to him. It would not make sense to. I asked him not to contact me unless he made up his mind to try again. After a few breadcrumbs he has given me peace for about 10 days now. The only way to reconcile is for him to decide it's really what he wants and is willing to work hard at it. He was unable to say so last we spoke, hence the NC request from me. So why did I spent my energy today hoping for something that isn't going to happen? Ugh!! Link to comment
chamachama Posted December 2, 2014 Share Posted December 2, 2014 It probably wasn't his jeep. I remember seeing white Lexus's everywhere and thinking it was her. I remember visiting SF and thinking to myself "omg... I know for a fact that none of these white Lexus's are her!! lol Plan something fun and new soon.... That will help. Link to comment
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