To Block or Unblock (fb)

[harleyman]

Hi enotalone,

 

Need some advice from you wonderful ppl but let me quickly fill you in about the story first. My ex and I broke up 4 months ago and it has been 3 months of absolute NC (and it feels great!). About 2 months after the break up, she unblocks on fb and blocks me again a couple days later. I thought nothing of it. Now just recently, I've noticed I have been unblocked yet again. Unfortunately I noticed her new profile pic which has her new bf in it. It felt like a huge slap in the face. Now I have the opportunity to block her which leads to my question: should I?

 

I'm on the fence about this one because I want to block her so I don't see anything related to her anymore but at the same time I feel I should be indifferent about it and just keep moving on with my life and not give a hoot. Opinions on what I should do or why she would unblock me again?

 

PS: also I feel like she might just reblock me yet again but that's just an assumption.

 

PSS: title doesn't really make sense but it sure is catchy

[HeartGoesOn]

Of course you should block her, she's no longer a part of your life. Also, by the same token, and to each their own but there's the Facebook world, and there's the real world, therefore choose wisely.

[staysound]

mhm I don't know, sometimes blocking can be seen as a game between two people, and the message one sends can sometimes come accross as 'he/she still cares deeply enough to not want to see anything about me'.

I know people will mostly disagree but still, I have found that in previous endings of relationships, once I unblocked that person (after the same amount of time you are in now) I don't go back to blocking again.

I want the message sent accross by keeping them unblocked thus uninformed about my state of mind about them more important than a picture of that person.

What you càn do is put up a filter in your settings of your browser, so that when you want to hit that certain fb link, the browser automatically goes to google or something.

That way you keep yourself from seeing nasty info and you also don't give out the message you can't handle that certain info.

Just a quick IT idea

[SooSad33]

She could be unblocking you so you can see her 'new' man? Get a reaction etc, which is ALL inconsiderate & immature.

 

Either way, don't 'react' to it all. Your choice on whether you block her from now on. IS it hurting you? Bringing back painful memories? Then maybe it is best to block her someway.

 

You're wanting to move on now, right?

[harleyman]

Staysound, my thoughts exactly. I feel like if I block her, she may assume I still care enough to want to block her and I'm not trying to give her any satisfaction at this point. The problem isn't my wanting to search her up on fb (which I haven't done in 3 months) but rather that when I'm trying to search someone else up, her name will pop up in the suggested names (for example if I type in "w" to search up "will" but it suggests "Wendy" instead - fake names of course) which is how I noticed I was unblocked again in the first place.

[harleyman]

SooSad33, I want to say I'm 90% of the way there in regards to moving on. Seeing that picture put me back to maybe 87%. I wasn't exactly sad when I saw that picture but felt more shocked like the feeling when your brand new iPhone 6 slips out of your hand but you catch it midair.

[staysound]

well, then that plug in for your browser could be a good idea, I have done this myself to protect myself and not the other Look it up for your specific browser, there are plenty about.

 

Things like 'block this site' or something, you can fill in the url, even an fb url. Or as many url's as you like.

[weathergirl]

Of course you should block her, she's no longer a part of your life. Also, by the same token, and to each their own but there's the Facebook world, and there's the real world, therefore choose wisely.

 

Why not just unfriend her? Or is that the same thing as blocking?

[harleyman]

When you block someone, fb automatically defriends them. Or so I believe

[staysound]

that is correct. It would be good for facebook if they would enable it so that you could put some people in special categories so they don't show up in your search section and friend suggestions and all of the other sections actually for this very reason.

Blocking is, for various reasons sometimes a too big a message or too drastic. I have had hilarious experiences where once me and my ex were commenting on the same post by a mutual friend but we ourselves couldn't see each other. Painful back then, hilarious now.

So you still get what I mean about sometimes it really is okay not to block somebody, but there are other effective solutions, as I have mentioned before.

[staysound]

that is correct. It would be good for facebook if they would enable it so that you could put some people in special categories so they don't show up in your search section and friend suggestions and all of the other sections actually for this very reason.

Blocking is, for various reasons sometimes a too big a message or too drastic. I have had hilarious experiences where once me and my ex were commenting on the same post by a mutual friend but we ourselves couldn't see each other, everybody else could notice we had blocked one another. Painful back then, hilarious now.

So you still get what I mean about sometimes it really is okay not to block somebody, but there are other effective solutions, as I have mentioned before.

[Dcgent]

why did you want to keep her as a friend on Facebook to begin with?

[HeartGoesOn]

Why not just unfriend her? Or is that the same thing as blocking?

 

I have no idea, I don't have Facebook, and I'm still alive.

 

:surprise:

[ivan11]

Here's what I've noticed about the "no contact" issue for girls I've been interested in but for whatever reason it cant happen (they're taken, they're too far away, they're ex's):

The time you really need to practice NC is also the time that is hardest to do that but its really important for NC to be there.

We're feeling horrible and we cant resist taking a peek and there we go, we see their new picture with their new partner and we take a hit.

I would say make a pact that every time you want to look at her make a pact to look at something else, play a computer game or something else to distract. You'll see that when you've successfully done NC, you'll feel great about yourself after a while. This is because your inner self knows that you were successful at protecting yourself and your mental health.

 

I was involved with a girl who was really bad for my mental health. I would take peeks at her profile and it was always bad for me and I'd tell that to myself and then block her again. After a few 'cycles' I am now past that stage where I dont think about her too much and I know its good to keep her blocked because I remember the pain of every "cycle" and I know it will come back and then its back into the well that took a long time for me to climb out of.

Life is really short and one day she'll be gone and so will I so she doesn't really matter. There will be a time when both of us will cease to exist.

Those are also some rationalizations I use to help myself resist and "protect" my mental health.

 

So yea keep her blocked and it doesnt matter if she blocks you or not. She can just like you can. Search for some other girls to distract yourself (some other older ex's where things arent that raw because those are relatively older events so they wouldnt have a hold on your heart anymore like this issue does).

 

I feel like if I block her, she may assume I still care enough to want to block her and I'm not trying to give her any satisfaction at this point.

Let her think what she wants to think.

 

The problem isn't my wanting to search her up on fb (which I haven't done in 3 months) but rather that when I'm trying to search someone else up, her name will pop up in the suggested names

And. yea that makes the recovery last longer. So yea I'd say block her and dont think about what she thinks of it.

 

Here's a good thing. It may be that you block her now or you may keep doing the cycles like I did. Regardless, after a few years you'll be fine and it wont be raw and it will be easier for you to keep NC. So eventually things will be fine. But if you can do the NC right now you will save yourself some trouble and be able to spend some of that mental energy on other things.

[John John]

She could be unblocking you so you can see her 'new' man? Get a reaction etc, which is ALL inconsiderate & immature.

 

Either way, don't 'react' to it all. Your choice on whether you block her from now on. IS it hurting you? Bringing back painful memories? Then maybe it is best to block her someway.

 

You're wanting to move on now, right?

 

I agree with this. I have blocked and ignored my ex almost from day one (it would have been day one if we didn't live together).

 

I vote to keep her blocked indefinitely.

[harleyman]

why did you want to keep her as a friend on Facebook to begin with?

 

We were never friends on fb after the breakup.

 

Thanks for all the feedback guys, but just to clarify the situation, I never had her blocked and am thinking about doing so. But seeing as I'm not alone in thinking blocking will only show I still care, I think I'm just gonna leave it be and continue with my life

[AaronSG]

Personally for me, due to all the drama and tensions that Facebook was brining me after my breakup 2.5 months ago, I went ahead and 6 weeks ago I deleted my account. For a while there after the breakup I found myself tempted to keep checking my ex-fiancés Facebook page. The final time is what did it for me, for before the breakup I had wanted to take my ex fishing, she knew I wanted to do this for her. Well, it didn't quite happen and she left me, a few weeks later she changed her cover photo to that of one of a lake in her area and she was fishing. To me it took it as a slap on the face, it hurt, at that moment I knew I couldn't keep doing this to myself. Rather to live my life in ignorant bliss than to live my life in temptation pain, for what has been seen, can't be un-seen! I didn't mess around with the whole "unfriend" or "block" thing, I just deleted the darn thing. Since doing so I have been doing much better not knowing a thing about what she's doing on Facebook.

[Allipie]

THIS.

and, OP, if you're not comfortable fully deleting, try just deactivating for a bit. that way, when you're ready and in a good place, you can re-activate and still have all of your friends etc.

[LilyCuster]

Block. You're not missing anything worth missing. And there's more than enough time to catch up on things down the road.

 

You're working on tomorrow. That Facebook stuff is so yesterday.

[toby17]

You should do what's best for you regardless of what she might or might not read into it.

[Ms Darcy]

It doesn't make sense to keep someone on your Facebook just so she doesn't think a certain thing about you. Suggests that you are less healed than you think.

 

Block her and be done with the mind games. It's not like you guys are friends in real life.