More than friends or not? Long Story alert!

[JuggernautJay]

Ok, I'll back up to the start. I met this girl called Kayleigh in December 2010. Just before Christmas. She was a close friend of my friend Matty. I was hanging out with Matty and some of our other friends (Harvey and Connor) and they introduced us to Kayleigh and her boyfriend David who joined us for the day. Me and Kayleigh got on really well and we began talking on a regular basis. I never thought of her as anything more than a friend as I was in a relationship at the time.

 

As time went on, Matty and David had a big fallout which led to a fight where Matty ended up putting David in A&E. I don't know what it was about but because of my close friendship with Matty and the fact that I hated David I ended up taking his side in the incident, which caused me and Kayleigh to fall out and stop talking. This was around March 2011. And me and Kayleigh didn't speak again for a while.

 

During that time I broke up with my girlfriend (Jemma), had a new girlfriend called Shannon and eventually broke up with her too. Skip forward to around April/May 2013. Kayleigh ended up joining our school as her school did not have a 6th form and by some strange coincidence we ended up in the same Public Services class together. We got talking and ended up catching up on old times. She told me that her and David were now engaged and planning to get married after university. Told me about her GCSEs and I told her what I'd been up to in the years we'd been apart. We became close again and began talking. We started to talk more and more as the months went on. And by September 2013 I had started to develop feelings for her. I never told her due to her and David so I began to avoid her to try and move on.

 

We hung out a few times and she seemed to be flirting with me, but I just ignored it. Then, around December time she called me up. She was upset and crying and told me that she wanted to finish David and she has wanted to end it for over a year but she can't. She then told me how David is manipulative and controlling and would threaten suicide if she ever broke up with him. He had cheated on her 6 times but each time she took him back because he said his life isn't worth living without her. She told me he was immature and was obsessed with sex. She told me that while they're together he makes the whole relationship all about him and never takes her feelings into consideration. Anyways, the day she rung me up he had cut his wrists because she had broken up with him. She had taken him back but started saying about how he knows that he means nothing to her. He tried to make her cut her own wrists to prove that she was sorry for the pain she had caused him. That's when she rung me crying and I told her that it was emotional abuse and she needed to end the relationship and get away from him. So she blocked him from Facebook, deleted and blocked his number and threw away everything she had from him. He kept calling around her house for a while and kept ringing her and her family to try and get her to talk to him. He made several fake facebook and twitter accounts to stalk her.

 

After the break up me and her began talking for a couple of months. We flirted a lot more and I would flirt back because I knew she was single now. I liked her a lot but I never mentioned it. But in April I told my friend Jack and he went and told her, despite me asking him to keep it quiet. She came straight up and asked me if I liked her and I said yes and she said she just thinks of me as a friend and nothing more. I said it was ok and never mentioned it again. It turned out that Jack liked her as well and they briefly got together. I told her that Jack was a close friend of mine and I couldn't deal with talking to her when she was going out with him as it would be difficult for me and I needed to move on. I then cut off contact with her and told her that I would come back when I was over her.

 

About a week and a half later she rung me up telling me that getting with Jack was a mistake. She told me that she cared about me more than she cared about him and she would rather have me in her life than be with him. She told me they had broken up as she was missing me and it was hurting her not talking to me. So I agreed to talk to her again. Jack was not happy about this and him and his two friends tried to jump me and my friends when we went clubbing. We managed to diffuse and calm the situation but me and Jack are no longer friends.

 

So this happened in June and since June me and Kayleigh have spoke every day. I message her as much as she messages me and we meet up a lot. Usually her idea. She has begun flirting with me even more than before and often makes jokes about having sex with me or being in a relationship with me. She kept asking me on a regular basis if I still liked her and if I still had feelings for her. I said yes and I asked her if she had any feelings for me. She said maybe. I asked if it was a yes or no but she just said she wants to keep me on my toes for the moment. She would put around 20 kisses at the end of each message she sent me and usually about 5 love hearts too and I would do the same and she seemed ok with it. And she would often get jealous if I mentioned that I was hanging out with other girls. One particular girl who is a close friend of mine called Cara is hated by Kayleigh. She's never stated why but I get the impression it's a jealousy thing. She also recently opened up to me about things that happened in her life a few years ago that she has never mentioned to anyone other than her family and I am the first one of her friends that she has ever told. But anyways, last Monday I asked her out because I thought she had feelings for me and she said "If things were a little bit different then I would definitely say yes. But I can't..." I asked why not and she just kissed me and said she was sorry and that she was going home. I messaged her that night asking what she meant but she didn't answer. She just changed the subject. I decided not to push it and just chatted with her like normal but she seemed different. Like she was only putting 6 kisses and 2 love hearts and she was just giving one word answers. She then cut the conversation short at about 9 saying "Going bed now, night." and just logged off.

 

I assumed she was tired and tried messaging her on the Tuesday but Tuesday she only sent 4 kisses and 1 love heart. And her answers were even more difficult to respond to. I asked if she was ok and she said she was fine so I told her I had to go and do something and that I wouldn't be on for a few days. I made a joke saying that I've messaged her the last 3 times so it's her turn to message me next time and that I'll be waiting for the message. I say that and things like that a lot and she usually messages the following day. But it's been over a week now and I still haven't heard from her. Is she playing hard to get? Is she genuinely not interested? If so why won't she just say it? I don't know I really need advice. I'm sorry that this is so long and I thank anyone who takes the time to read it

[SooSad33]

" Is she genuinely not interested? If so why won't she just say it? "

- I think she did, in her own way.

"last Monday I asked her out because I thought she had feelings for me and she said "If things were a little bit different then I would definitely say yes. But I can't...""

 

- You may want to only consider yourself friendzoned. And that's a good thing.

I do NOT think you want to get yourself involved with this gal when she is FAR from ready to date again. She's VERY confused and messed right now.

How about you re-read all you put here and see just how Unstable she is....

 

She would not be able to give herself to you in any sense. She's emotionally & mentally unstable from her break up, and going after your buddy, etc. (who was probably a rebound).

 

Highly suggest you do not follow after her. Back off and see her as no more than a friend. If you can't do that, then consider backing away & move along.

[stuka80]

me and Jack are no longer friends.

Bros before hoes man....regardless, doesn't seem like Jack was much of a friend to begin with, since he basically tried to undermine your chances with the girl by telling her how you felt.

 

She kept asking me on a regular basis if I still liked her and if I still had feelings for her. I said yes and I asked her if she had any feelings for me. She said maybe

oh man...she's using you and stringing you along BAD....I know you wont listen and think that somehow your relationship with this girl is different from the others but take it from me, drop her and move on...She knows how you feel and she's single and yet she has not given your relationship the green light to move further. If you keep playing at being friends(without benefits) with her and putting up with her BS you're the one that's gonna end up being hurt in the end, trust me man. This is clear as day for me, I've seen this scenario plenty of times in my day...none of them turned out well.

[ParisPaulette]

More than friends or not?

 

If you have to ask this then you're just friends, if that. You asked her out, she declined and has now gone radio silent. That's all you need to know. She's not playing hard to get this far into knowing you, she's backing off because she doesn't feel the same. And in all that asking you how you felt about her if she never once came out and then said, "Good, because I feel that way too" then that was just her seeking ego boosts.

 

Sorry, the girl doesn't see you as anything but someone to pass the time with and stroke her ego. Suggest you block and delete her and find a girl who won't leave you scratching your head. When someone is into you, genuinely into you, you know it. And the world does too.