From attraction to repulsion in just one text

[Olivia99]

For about 4 months I've been flirting with a guy at work (A 9 years younger one...)

We both smoke so cig brakes were really fun and full of smiles, looks into the eyes (attraction was obvious)

In a work drinks we made out. It started to get weird right after tbh but we worked our way out of it. We texted a bit and I invited over one Sunday. He replied at night explaining he had been moving and he was sorry he had missed out, that maybe sometime that week...)

He got sick and did not come to the office till Friday (bit of awkwardness but alright).

Next Sunday I get a text from him at 6 am asking about my day. I replied when I woke up, talked for a bit of stupid stuff and I asked if we wanted a drink later. He answers that depends on how the hangover goes. I say ok, but was expecting some kind of update that never came... So I got out of my mind a little and texted him obviously pissed and acting all paranoid and desperate tbh.

Now is not that he obviously does not want me anymore, it's even like he's repulsed by me, like I bother him if I'm around. Instead of staying with me till I'd finish my cigs, he just smokes very quickly and leaves.

Does this mean I should start avoiding him? Can't we go back to be smoking buddies? Might this change with time or will he just ignore me forever because he just does not care at all anymore? (I know no one can answer these for sure, but while I write this I beat the temptation on texting him! Arrgggh!)

[weathergirl]

>>I say ok, but was expecting some kind of update that never came... So I got out of my mind a little and texted him obviously pissed and acting all paranoid and desperate tbh. Now is not that he obviously does not want me anymore, it's even like he's repulsed by me, like I bother him if I'm around

 

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Well that's what happens sometimes when people become obsessive and start shooting off nasty text messages because they're paranoid, desperate and insecure.

 

I've had guys do that to me...and hell yeah, I became repulsed by them too.

 

Speaking personally I have no desire to be around anyone who is repulsed by me. So if I were you...I would just pull back...even finding another place to take my cig breaks, and just avoid him altogether (for now).

 

If he eventually wants to go back to being smoking buddies, he knows how to find you.

[bulletproof]

Did you apologize?

[t1lersm0m1]

NO, it's over, you can't even be friends, let alone smoking buds. He owed you nothing, and you sent him anxious texts. It's over.

[ParisPaulette]

All you can do is apologize and give him space. You became needy and nasty when he didn't really owe you anything and you two were just in the getting to know phase. Nothing will make a person, guy or girl, run faster than that. It's over, move on.

[mhowe]

To answer your question ---- yes, in one nasty, bitter text.

[weathergirl]

Olivia...you also might want to think about why it is you become so anxious, paranoid and desperate whenever a man you like doesn't respond the way you expect him to. Or maybe it was just THIS guy you became that way with?

 

In any event, whether it was just this guy or every guy...it's not normal and it's extremely dysfunctional behavior on your part.

 

Instead of focusing on why this guy is ignoring you...I would focus on your own behavior and why you acted that way....

[Olivia99]

Thanks all for taking the time to reply. The truth is never in my life I had been that forward with a guy b4 so never felt that kind of rejection (don't think I'm generally needy)

When I got no answer whatsoever I felt like he had given me a 'polite no' and honestly, when I have had to reject a guy I have felt weird around him afterwards, so I assumed he was feeling like that and when trying to make things not awkward is when I messed everything up. It was nothing really nasty I said, but rereading the conversation all my "it's all cool, I get it" really comes accross as "I'm pissed you did not come, I thought you liked me more than you do..."

I'll do my normal routine at work having as less contact as possible with him and even though I'd love to explain myself to him I know now it would only freak him out even more! (I might try if repulsion switches to let's say indifference...)