Charlotte Heim Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 So we work in the same service in that firm and spend a lot of time together every day, quite logically. He is gentle, a genuine guy, he walks me every evening to my bus stop, sometimes he even makes a detour and takes it with me to keep talking. He knows the area better than me so he also shows me around and we have lunch together very often. He's had flirty gestures (putting his hand on my lower back, when he hugs me goodbye he lingers a bit and has soft eyes, once or twice he even softly kissed my cheek), he compliments me sometimes and he seems caring (the other day he went ou without telling t to buy me coffee as i was tired) etc. We get along well, talk a lot, including about relationships, he never mentionned a girlfriend... but on Friday night as we were leaving work and walking as usual, i asked him what he was gonna do that evening. At first he said he was gonna meet with some friends, but after walking a few more minutes, he confessed to me that he actually had an appointment with his gf to dump her cause he he didn't love her anymore and he needed to have the honesty to do it. I was shocked, he never mentionned her. They've been together 2 years apparently. But still, before meeting her he spent 2 hours with me. But what should I think of that? Why did he delibarately not mention her? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 In order to cultivate you. It isn't that complicated. He has been moving in on you and developing your interest so he has a new fish on the line IF he dumps her. I would reign it in and tell him that you find his actions disingenuous. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Probably because he is/was interested in you. Link to comment
eskimobobseal Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Maybe he liked you and he thought mentioning his girlfriend would mean you'd distance yourself. That's immature - but it wouldn't surprise me. To be honest, I was guilty of doing this sometimes, female attention is always great. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Yeaaaahhh, riiiiiight. So he's been chatting you up, going out of his way to walk you to the bus stop, his hands linger on you sometimes and he brings you coffee--all while forgetting to mention his girlfriend for how long? The one he's been with for two years. And then just happens to conveniently mention he's breaking up with her the very night you express an interest in going out with him? Why how convenient and utterly coincidental this all must be. NOT-NOT-NOT. And my BS meter is screaming loud and clear that he's had a girlfriend all along and isn't breaking up with her, only feeding you that line so that when he asks you out it'll all be in the clear. Except it's very likely it won't be, because he won't have broken up with her. Only gotten the clear signal from you that now you're ready to accept whatever story he feeds you. And then when you do find out he hasn't broken up with her next will come the sob stories--she's sick, she threatened suicide/blackmail/we have a kid together/we're married (oopsies) blah-blah-blah." And so of course he loves you, but oh won't you wait just a little while until he can extricate himself from the situation. And then five years go by and you find out you're the office joke. Yes, I am skeptical. Because a really good guy with honest honorable intentions would have mentioned a girlfriend pretty early on in your friendship, being proud of her even. He wouldn't have taken the time to carefully groom you into thinking he was single and interested and then just conveniently going to be breaking up with her the very second he knows he has you in the bag. Run, run very far and fast away from this one. He's either a) a class one manipulator or b) developed feelings for you and kept you and his girlfriend in the dark about each other until he knew he had a shot with you, meaning loyalty to a girlfriend comes second to new flavors of the month. Neither of these makes him good relationship material. Advise you to start distancing him and tell him you make it a policy to not have anything, even friendships with people who've just gotten out of a relationship for a solid year after they break up. And then be professional, polite and distant. Like I said, treat that "oops, forgot to mention I had a girlfriend" like the giant red flag it is. Link to comment
Doug73 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Could not have said it any better than Paris. Agree completely! Link to comment
happpybear Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Agree with everything written above. I can't stand people who do this sort of thing. I had a similar situation recently, met a guy, we hit it off, had gone on a several awesome dates, he told me on first date that he was a divorcee...well. Didn't he lie! He finally admitted that he was seperated for only 6 months and he had "complicated feelings" toward his wife.....but but..he really liked me and that they would be divorced soon officially and we could make this work in the meantime.... I was outta there so fast. Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 In order to cultivate you. It isn't that complicated. He has been moving in on you and developing your interest so he has a new fish on the line IF he dumps her. I would reign it in and tell him that you find his actions disingenuous. Nicely put mhowe (cultivate). He must be a smooth operator (hands on lower back, kiss on the cheeks, flirty gestures, close hugs,...). Tell me Charlotte, do you still feel that these are the actions of a gentle, genuine man? Some of the stuff he does, a man can't even do on a first date. Why did you allow any of this to happen, especially not knowing his situation? Something isn't right here. Were you hoping that he could be your bf? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.