Zander1ni Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 So my ex-gf is bipolar/ i think she has borderline personality disorder and we dated for 4 months it was sometimes turbulent but the highs of it were really good. All along we had issues relating to me getting jealous, possessive, insecure, obsessive, always whining and complaining to get my way etc....so finally she had to break it off and said the negatives outweighed the positives....so we decided to start over as friends and see what happened all was well fora few days until we went out drinking and i blew up on her and had a major tantrum over her being all over me and when i reciprocated she reminded me we were not in a relationship it was like she turned on for 10 mins and then totally off. i then got obsessive and called and texted way way too much and we almost fixed things enough to go on our holiday to hawaii but then she finally canceled and she is not going and made a point to say she is going with "her man" who lives there but isnt in a relationship with him...then things started getting really nasty although i never said anything mean i really annoyed her by wanting to keep talking and just bugged her a lot. I just dont get the whole major change and extreme reactions to be a bit much since just days before she was saying how i was the nicest person shes dated, really sweet and caring etc... some of the things she said to me are..."What the ###$ you are are Literly crazy. You don't get it, were done I don't want to hear you convince me or ask me to ######6 dinner....... We don't need space....I requested space a month ago but noooooo you always have to to get what you want. I got absolutely NOTHIG out of this relationship. It was a completley waste of my time. Your voice Literly makes me cringe. I learned not to date anyone obsessed with me. We have nothing in common......we are completley different people and I can't stand you " "You're the most irritating person ever. You're so retarded and say the stupidest things. I would never go back to you. I can do better. I'm smart pretty and have a great personality I can do a lot better I'm not settling for you " "You're weird, nerdy, short, complain a lot, a show off, can't dance, have bad style, socially inept...... Need I go on ...." "I don't like you as a person. You're crazy and do everything wrong, you aren't a good boyfriend, you about everything. Honestly maybe you should date a guy bc you act like such a girl. You're not man enough for me " "You need to relax. Do you know you're coming off as a stalker weirdo..... You are like bi-polar. Like one day you're non stop creepily texting me and trying to follow me on instagram and liking all my tweets and adding me on Facebook. And then you are freeking out and going out of your way to contact me about a text book hahaha. Seriously, it's over. Move on.....you're not getting your stuff back and you never will. I threw it away because I hate you and you're a psycho. Go ######6 cry about it. I don't have time to deal with your #######4 nor was I ever going to mail you/drop off a ######6 book you don't use.....like get over it. It's a book n some fins like the way your acting is laughable....... Grow up and move on with your life. You don't need fins to do so.......You're out of my life and it's done. You're a huge and so retarded......I regret spending any time with you and I actually hate your personality and everything about you. You're a #######5 person. Go buy a new book if REALLY need it. You're a joke. NEVER contact me again you ######6 creep" That really nasty contact came about 1.5 weeks also I have contacted her on friday and got a half assed response " A: Hey how are you? Not sure if you're going to Hawaii the same dates we were but if so hope you have a good trip E: Thanks I will A: Good! I'm sure you will How's everything? What's new?" So I am having trouble 1) Why would she even respond at all? 2) Seems odd to open contact but then not respond when i ask about her 3) Does this mean she has gone from angry to totally indifferent or is it an improvement from the previous messages since she is not blowing up on me I am thinking to contact her again after her holiday asking how it was. This is in about a week...does this seem to be a bad idea? How would you guys proceed? Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Why would you contact her again? Link to comment
weathergirl Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 In all honesty OP...given your over-the-top, obsessive, stalking and crazy behavior, I don't blame her one bit for saying "you don't get it, it's over," "you're the most irritating person ever," and the other things she said. Mean as they were... given you would not let up... IMO they were necessary. I've been the victim of that type of obsessive behavior and it DOES make a person crazy...but NOT because the person (recipient of the obsessive behavior) is bipolar or borderline...but because it's annoying as hell and when the person continues it makes us feel totally 100% repulsed, irritated and TURNED OFF and all we want is for him to GO AWAY. And when he won't go away... it makes us crazy and causes us to say things just like your ex said to you. Are you sure YOU are not the one who is bipolar or borderline? Why did you continue behaving obsessively, bothering her and stalking her when she had made it clear to you it was over? That is what is crazy! Link to comment
Zander1ni Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 In all honesty OP...given your over-the-top, obsessive, stalking and crazy behavior, I don't blame her one bit for saying "you don't get it, it's over," "you're the most irritating person ever," and the other things she said. Mean as they were... given you would not let up... IMO they were necessary. I've been the victim of that type of obsessive behavior and it DOES make a person crazy...but NOT because the person (recipient of the obsessive behavior) is bipolar or borderline...but because it's annoying as hell and when the person continues it makes us feel totally 100% repulsed and all we want is for him to GO AWAY. Are you sure YOU are not the one who is bipolar or borderline? Why did you continue behaving obsessively, bothering her and stalking her when she had made it clear to you it was over? That is what is crazy! In all honestly I am not the one with a major mental health issue...she is the one who has been getting excessively drunk, using more drugs than normal, extremely sexual to the point of it being out of the ordinary, being extremely self confident and self centered, prior eating disorder, on again off again relationships etc.... Post breakup i was obsessive and kept going because she wanted two weeks of space and to still go on vacation together and i thought for thatto happen there were a lot of things to talk about (in my mind) but in actuality looking back they didnt matter so i just kept pushing to get my way and it thats when the amicable breakup turned out to be very hostile It was not only me who did the stalking she has done the same unblocking me on instagram when she found out iwas going to las vegas, having her cousin unblock me on facebook etc... Well I did stop contacting her...I needed to get some things back from her and that's when the crazy response came from her...in all honesty her text is a bit of an embellishment. I get that obsessive behaviors push people away but even so you would never respond in that manner to what were otherwise civil messages from me. My therapist agrees that those are not normal responses. I am getting help for all of the issues I had before and and during the relationship and am not putting life on hold for her. I just don't get why she would even respond to me at all if she really hated me and wanted to not talk to me and have nothing to do with me. I would think she would block my phone number like she did with social media. I cant tell her response is some type of improvement or not. I have stopped being obsessive and am giving her the space she needs. Link to comment
amipushy Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 So I am having trouble 1) Why would she even respond at all? 2) Seems odd to open contact but then not respond when i ask about her 3) Does this mean she has gone from angry to totally indifferent or is it an improvement from the previous messages since she is not blowing up on me I am thinking to contact her again after her holiday asking how it was. This is in about a week...does this seem to be a bad idea? How would you guys proceed? Sorry but she didnt open contact and then not reply, she replied to YOUR contact and by not replying futher her silence means "Dont push it, I'm not starting this up again, its over, just go away". She has calmed down but still meant what she said. Read her words over and over again because you clearly aint getting it! She had made it perfectly clear that is over and she has had enough of you and your stalkerish obessive behaviour. And I also wonder if its YOU who is borderline, because she just sounds extremely annoyed that you wont eff off! So if I were you I would leave her alone, now and forever before she takes out a restraining order on you. Dont contact her again!!! Edited to add...YOu have NOT stopped contacting her, you text her on Friday. I really dont think you CAN stop. Prove me wrong! Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 In all honestly I am not the one with a major mental health issue...she is the one who has been getting excessively drunk, using more drugs than normal, extremely sexual to the point of it being out of the ordinary, being extremely self confident and self centered, prior eating disorder, on again off again relationships etc.... You are self-admittedly insecure, jealous, possessive, obsessive and whiny. You were exhibiting stalker-like behaviors. I would consider what is going on with you. If anyone is showing bpd like behaviors, it is you here. I get that obsessive behaviors push people away but even so you would never respond in that manner to what were otherwise civil messages from me If that person previously was constantly contacting me, I wouldn't see a civil attempt as something friendly or to respond to kindly. It was not only me who did the stalking she has done the same unblocking me on instagram when she found out iwas going to las vegas, having her cousin unblock me on facebook etc... Looking up Facebook or other social media isn't "stalking". It's when you reach out and continuously contact someone who does not want to hear from you that is. Link to comment
Zander1ni Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 You are self-admittedly insecure, jealous, possessive, obsessive and whiny. You were exhibiting stalker-like behaviors. I would consider what is going on with you. If anyone is showing bpd like behaviors, it is you here. If that person previously was constantly contacting me, I wouldn't see a civil attempt as something friendly or to respond to kindly. Looking up Facebook or other social media isn't "stalking". It's when you reach out and continuously contact someone who does not want to hear from you that is. I have reason to be the way I was prior to the breakup but it doesn't make it correct...I am fat from BPD and am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist who seem to think that I am fine... Also a civil set of messages to get my belongings back never warrants such extreme behavior I get that but if it was unwanted don't you think she would ask me not to contact her or just not respond...it's quite easy to block on the iphone Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Who cares ----- she responded angrily to you. Stop contacting her...forever. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I have reason to be the way I was prior to the breakup but it doesn't make it correct...I am fat from BPD and am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist who seem to think that I am fine... The only reason to be that way is if your mental health is suffering somehow. Nobody can "make" you that way, if that's what you're suggesting was the reason. Perhaps your therapist and psychiatrist are not getting the full story from you. Link to comment
Zander1ni Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 The only reason to be that way is if your mental health is suffering somehow. Nobody can "make" you that way, if that's what you're suggesting was the reason. Perhaps your therapist and psychiatrist are not getting the full story from you. I have given my mental health provider the whole story...they have seen more than you so trust they are correct...although i do have some issues to work through a lot of my actions were triggered in response to the way my ex had acted...I am getting help for those issues and the existing ones before i knew her. i am in no way suggesting either of us are in the right in the way we acted. Sure it was wrong of me to text her on friday but is she is no dead set to never talk to me again why not just not respond or block or request for me not to respond. I feel any response that is not hostile is an invitation to continue talking unless they ask you not to...maybe once again i could be in the wrong here an absolutely overthinking this. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Any response that is not hostile is NOT an invitation to continue talking. Please learn this. Link to comment
Zander1ni Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Any response that is not hostile is NOT an invitation to continue talking. Please learn this. ok makes sense then still waht is the point of her responding at all as indifferent as it may seem? i have asked this and nobody has made sense of it any replies as the response seems out of character for her? Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Continually trying to analyze a mere response is indulging yourself in your obsessiveness. You need to start switching the focus. Link to comment
Zander1ni Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Continually trying to analyze a mere response is indulging yourself in your obsessiveness. You need to start switching the focus. very very true...i tend to get stuck on things very easily and over analyze things which the reason i want to get other people opionions because i think of every possible thing it could mean in my mind and go over over and over Link to comment
bulletproof Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 ok makes sense then still waht is the point of her responding at all as indifferent as it may seem? i have asked this and nobody has made sense of it any replies as the response seems out of character for her? Because maybe she's being polite. Because she was bored. Because she felt bad for you. Who knows? It really doesn't matter, though. Her responding means nothing because you are not continuing the relationship anyway. And if she's truly bipolar as you say, then what does "out of character" even look like for her? I imagine that her behavior would be somewhat unpredictable given that situation. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You need a new therapist then because clearly the one you're seeing now sucks. It's OBVIOUS you're not "okay" and any so called therapist who tells you that you are needs therapy themselves. And for the record, it doesn't matter what someone does or does not do to you... OBSESSIVE and STALKING behavior is completely dysfunctional under ANY circumstances. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Zander...what do you want us to tell you? That the reason why she responded is because she's madly in love with you and desperately wants you back? For cryin out loud, who gives a f*kk why she responded? It doesn't matter. She has made it very clear on numerous occasions that she wants you to GO AWAY. So go away and leave her the hell alone. And find a new therapist! ETA: See now you're starting to get ME crazy and all I have done is read a few posts from you! LOL Link to comment
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