Breaking away

[zentoCC]

I've been putting off posting this thread for a week or two, funny the thing that swung it for me was not something he did but a Pixie Lott song (Gravity) that popped up on my iPod, in my defence that thing is quite old.

 

My boyfriend/ex are on a break at the moment. We've had a break before that lasted exactly a year. Honestly, I don't know why we even got back together but for the fact I was lonely and he was exactly as I remembered him when we first got together. I really tried to take it slow because I knew what a nice boyfriend he was when he was in the honeymoon phase. I tried to wait for him to drop out of it before I fell for him again but of course I fell way before then. When he dropped out of it all our old problems came back.

 

We had a massive fight about three weeks ago which ended up with us going on a break. He says he's miserable without me that he wants me back etc but I don't see actions behind the words. Our problem has alway been communication and stubbornness. He says I'm just as stubborn as him and maybe in someways I am but it always feels like I'm the one doing the compromising.

 

He is a great guy most of the time but I'm really finding it hard to picture a future with him. He's said a few really worrying things to me such as it being none of my business when telling me that he's going to move and that I should just accept that he can't be bothered contacting me. He also always makes sure he's busy on important family days so he doesn't gave to see my family, including my birthday. He's also lazy and turns up two hours late to dates.

 

One thing that is really hard for me is when we fight he walks off on me and then needs about a week to clear his head before we can talk about it and it always has to be on his terms. Then he wants to make sure to take it slow so it doesn't happen again but it seems like he doesn't change. I don't want him to change in big ways just turn up on time and contact me a bit more, that alone would make me feel tonnes better but he won't, he says I just have to accept the way he is. But do I? When he's in the honeymoon phase he does these things so he's clearly capable.

 

I think it would be best if we didn't get back together. In the past he has always done something that I can focus on to give me the strength to walk away (before he pulls be back) but now there's no push from him. I'm not a strong person, as much as I want to break away I'm not sure I can stick to it. He's my first and only love. He is the only guy I've ever trusted. I know the pain and loneliness to come if we break up because it happened last time and I'm scared. I haven't really got anyone to lean on. So I need somebody here to tell me I'm doing the right thing or at least that I can get through it. Because I worry I'm making a massive mistake or like always I'll get pulled back in.

[Clinton]

Only you can decide which route will make you happy.

 

You will survive a breakup if that's what you choose. It sucks at first but we all get through it. You just have to accept it takes time, often a lot of it, to heal.

 

Some studies put healing time for a breakup from a SIGNIFICANT relationship at about a year to feel better and another 6 months to a year to totally heal.

 

It sounds like a lot but it passes quickly and before you know it you're better.

 

Hang in there and best of luck

[SooSad33]

How about some therapy to work on yourself and self esteem?

Sounds like you need some help getting going and moving on from him.

 

You don't feel you two are compatible, do you? Then may as well admit it, accept it and work at moving on with your life.

 

You need to start feeling okay on your own.