Sometimes it feels like I'm one inch away from breaking up

[CrazyKing]

A little background: She's 25, I'm 28, we've been together for one and a half years, met online. She's the first one I've been with longer than just a month or so, but she had just left her boyfriend of three years of a disastrous relationship and has had a few relationships prior. We've been living together for 10 months already and it has been fine until...

 

I started to not accept that I'm sexually frustrated like all the time - we do have sex on an irregular basis, but she has that pathological "something is wrong with me" (I mean her) attitude all the time - she's constantly worried about having some kind of illness (she doesn't), she always says "be gentle" when we start making love and that bugs me so much because I've always been gentle in the beginning.

She says she wants to go out, have fun, but anytime we get somewhere she starts whining about wanting to go home, not feeling comfortable, the only places we can go to are basically concerts, exhibitions and never stay longer or doing something afterwards, just home. She says she wants to walk outside around the city and as soon as we get to some place she'd start whining about wanting to go home.

I like the company of her mother and the partner of her mother, but I can barely ever say anything when we meet them while she's nearby - I can say like one or two sentences when I'm being asked about something untily I'm being interrupted and she'd start loudly talking about something else, one sentence after the other. Even her mother feels uncomfortable about that kind of behaviour.

She desperately wanted a cat, of course, I'm an animal lover too, so I accepted that, we've trained our cat to walk with a leash so that our cat is not only imprissoned in our small appartment, but I'm the one who has to take the cat for a walk outside, always - she cynically said that she just doesn't want to do this.

Even if I am completely exhausted, she just won't listen - I often work about 12 hours a day, usually 10, monday til friday, sometimes on saturdays (I have a demanding job) and doing renovation works in our appartment too - still, if I say that I've done enough for a day and want to do something the next day she'd start complaining, whining about wanting to have done something faster. Same thing was when we went to a small music festival, I had eaten something bad and was feeling all the time like vommiting was immitent, no matter how often I told that to her, she called me a sissy for not jumping with her to a band and then having to leave the venue.

Another thing is pot - she likes to smoke it from time to time and I do (like once or twice a month), helps her to sleep and eat, helps me to cope with the huge stress I have after a hard week at work - I have been smoking it with literally hundreds of people during my lifetime but she is the second or third person ever whom I literally can't stand while she's high. While I remember having fun conversations with my friends, walking around, making photos, learning to play an instrument, being creative, she would just watch cartoons, pictures of animals etc. (although she made the impression in the beginning that she's a creative person)

I'm often bored with her, but she seems to like being a couch potato.

Out of all movies I ever chose for us to watch, we have watched only a few. She barely ever likes pictures I take of her and would just delete them without even asking me.

Now we have to decide how we want to paint our living room, no matter what I suggest - it's bad.

Of course, there have been quite good times and really romantic ones and I love her, but when there is more of the things that tell me that I'm together with somebody so egoistic and childish it kinda makes me feel that our relationship won't bring us anywhere.

Plus of all, my health has been deteriorating, I have never been so exhausted like after establishing this relationship... I kinda don't think that it is okay - I blame my stressful job for that, but what if it's this relationship I'm in that sucks all of the energy I used to have?

[SooSad33]

Sounds like you're pretty frustrated with her.. and the relationship.

She seems selfish and dis respectful.

I'd say it's draining you emotionally now..

 

I would also put into account of the fact, she went into a relationship with you SOON after her BU with someone else. And that was a toxic relationship.

 

If this isn't working out for you, you could 'try' couple counselling.. or even just for yourself?

But, DO take care of YOU here.

 

Relationships have no guarentee's. All we can do is say we tried.

If it's too much you have to admit it.

[laninaperdida]

These all seem like very minor, specific things she's doing that bother you, but put them all together and I can understand how they feel like too much to deal with.

I think relationships are like that:

They either have one major issue (cheating, baby momma drama, etc) or a bunch of small ones that, when compiled, end up being major.

 

Maybe you're trying to get her to have fun the way YOU think a person should have fun and that's why she wants to go home?

Perhaps she's just agreeing to do whatever it is you guys do and she doesn't actually want to.

That's a communication issue.

A little tough love wouldn't be a bad idea in this specific situation.

Tell her, straight up, to bring cab money the next time you guys are doing whatever because if she wants to go home she can go - you're staying.

 

Also, is she a couch potato that she does nothing or just doesn't want to do what you want to do?

My boyfriend and I had a misunderstanding earlier because he wanted to go be apart of this family hike whereas I chose to stay in.

He's all "you want to stay and watch tv?

I'm like as opposed to walking in the pouring cold rain? Yes, lol.

He sees me as wanting to skip that activity as missing out whereas I think he could find so,ething better to do.

Sure enough he came home in pain because his feet were soaking wet and he got blisters.

 

I I tagged myself from 99% of his sisters weddings photos... I didn't like how I looked.

We usually watch the movies I pick because if I don't enjoy the one he picked I'll read whereas fine he doesn't like the one I picked he'll suffer through it.

It just sounds like you want her to respond to these little situations the way YOU want her to.

 

She does sound a little high maintenance, I'll give you that.

I'm not sure it's worth ending it, though.

[Ms Darcy]

Of course your relationship is hurting your health. And I am going to guess that you don't really bring up these issues directly with her as they occur.

 

Remember when you were so so lonely a few years ago? Be careful what you wish for lol.

 

Look, moving in with her after 6 months of dating was a bonehead move. It takes time to figure out if you are sexually compatible as well as compatible in terms of emotions, energy, personality, values, goals, etc. You could have figured out the sex thing, which is a dealbreaker, without living together.

 

In my opinion, you are pretty much stuck with someone you aren't particularly compatible with.

 

Lesson learned.

[SophieGrace]

Sounds like the two of you aren't compatible. If it were me, I'd end it and look for someone I had more in common with.

[oneman]

If your health is suffering, then you either explain to her how it's happening or you get out. What's the use of being with somebody who makes you unhappy? While you state you have a stressful job, don't you think you deserve to be able to return to a caring environment where you can relax? If you weigh up the pros and cons and you can't change the balance of it all for the better, then why bother?

If it continues, you will eventually walk away, worn out from the stress and possibly ruined by it.

Going by your post, she comes accross as a disrespectful and selfish person who couldn't be bothered trying to make your relationship together better. She has basically stopped putting into it.