So I Got Completely The Wrong Signs

[SonyTV73]

Hello, It's been a few months.....

 

2 weeks ago on the first day of my holiday I received an email from my ex girlfriend after 3 months.

She requested to pick the rest of her stuff from my house in a friendly email and even with a 'x' on the end.

I responded politely to say that would be fine and if I could arrange to do it when I got back. Foolishly we sent back some friendly emails.

This screwed up my whole holiday.

By the last day I got very drunk and emailed her a picture of the wine we used to drink when we used to go away together.

It backfired as I had no reply sending me crazy and upset. - Thanks alcohol!

 

On the weekend I got back I was driving and I saw her car in the distance.

I stupidly followed her and lost her only to find that she had parked in a local hotel car park.

I now had lost the plot and waited for her.

After waiting 2 hours(!) I went home with a tail firmly stuck between my legs. I feel very stupid and ultimately I had stalked her.

After a sleepless night I went BACK to the hotel to wait a further 3 hours for her and she didn't show.

I am now officially a stalker. I hate myself for this.

 

I cried all the way home and confessed all to my counsellor who I had an appointment with that very day

I then emailed my ex to say to pick her stuff up that weekend. She responded quickly and said she can't as she had a wedding (one that I was invited to many months back) and I asked if she'd like to meet for coffee (aaaaargh!!!). She agreed to my astonishment and we met up today for the fist time in 3 months of NC.

She looked beautiful and I fell straight back in love.

I was careful with what I said and made her laugh.

She asked me if I was seeing anyone (I'm not) and I swore blind I wasn't going to ask her the same thing but I did.

She has fallen in love with her boss (I know him and his family) and who is married and I then couldn't hold my tongue and let out all my undying love to her asking her back and if she loved me etc etc etc.

WHY WHY WHY?????!!!!!!!!!!! I've been SO good of late. She told me she didn't love me and doesn't want me back.

I feel like the world's biggest idiot tonight.

 

I am DEVASTATED.

I have cried all day and really need some cheering up. To top that I crashed my car tonight as well.

 

It's now nearly 4 months since I've been broken up.

I am a broken man and I can't move on and accept the relationship is over.

[SonyTV73]

I'm also 40 years old and feel like I'm 16.

[YouCanDeleteThisAccount]

I can understand why you feel awful for allowing yourself to break contact and confess you are still in love, but honestly, you shouldn't beat yourself up too much for being human. Understand that you aren't upset for what you did, you are upset that you have had further confirmation that it's done and she has moved on while you still struggle handling this. I'm 46 years old and my breakup made me feel like I was 16 as well, but that's just because, at this age, we tend to feel more comfortable in our beliefs of who we want to spend a long/life-term relationship with.

 

Nothing can be said to make you feel better, but try to understand this isn't bad for you. Regardless of what she thinks about you, or any ego boost she got out of this, you have placed yourself in a higher state of understanding that you have to get through this and learn to do this without her. By pushing her away further (which you unfortunately did), you are now in a better position to remain NC and get past your emotions for her. As everyone will attest, it does get a tiny bit easier each day, and one day you will not feel this pain for her. If you are anything like me, the longer you go without hearing from her, the more you realize how glad you are that you haven't and how hopeful you are that you don't have contact any time soon. Anger is a stage,and these stages don't happen in exact patterns. NC for me is a blessing right now.

 

Let her live her life of unicorns and rainbows right now; things haven't gotten better for her. Being the other woman is a life of lies. Much like a hard drug, the "amazing everything" she is having right now will need to continually escalate to maintain the excitement of the high until it finally implodes. I've read enough on this site to know there is a common agreement that the cheating man rarely ever leaves his wife and someone gets hurt. Especially when he is trying to get out of the relationship when he tires of this thrill that is no longer fun. I may sound vindictive, but I have NO tolerance for people who cheat. Including the person who they are cheating with.

 

She'll think of you again in the future...

[HONEYHONEY]

I feel what you are saying Jamesde is right, no point of beating yourself up.

 

start the NC again, and i highly recommend this book

 

link removed

 

great read!

[Stay_home]

There is forever the temptation for us all to appear that we are doing better than what we really are once a relationship ends. I don't know enough about your relationship to make an official call. But if you've only been apart three months and she's in love already with a new man maybe she never was really yours in the first place, you know what I mean?

[SonyTV73]

I haven't slept much since May and I'm back to an hour's sleep again because of the ruminating and worry.

Her boss is a lovely guy (naturally his wife doesn't know) and ultimately this now has nothing to do with me.

I told my ex we can't be friends for now and my friend will drop over her stuff at the weekend to save us the grief of seeing one another.

My ex was a very pretty girl...in fact the prettiest I've ever been out with and to say I'm heartbroken is an understatement.

The thought of them touching one another does nothing more than make me feel sick.

I'm now worried I'm damaged goods and at the age of 40, I'll always be alone.

The pain I'm feeling now is unbearable.

I really don't ever want to fall in love again.

 

[Ms Darcy]

Back to no contact man. No contact, no contact, no contact.

[Clinton]

You are going to be fine, it will just take time, maybe more than you'd want. My ex left me after 13 years together. I was in my 40s then. It took me a couple of years to totally heal, but I did and have been in a relationship with a marvelous woman for 4 years now. Very happy and very much in love. So don't give in to despair, take the time to heal and you will find happiness again

[SonyTV73]

It's been now more than 24 hours since I found out my ex is in love.

I am now sitting on my bed in floods and floods of tears that have not stopped all day.

The jealous thoughts of them being together are killing me. I am so upset.

I have support around me but it's really hard as I'm putting on a front for my 10 year old daughter.

Everybody tells me it is the best thing I know as it is closure as for months I've been pining for her return thinking she'll come back when all the while she is in the honeymoon phase of a relationship.

 

I don't think I have ever been this upset in my whole life.

[Clinton]

Hang in, this is the worst part but it gets better

Good on you for staying strong in front of your daughter, that's important.

At least you can start the healing process now, no more false hope.

Stay active, and just get through a day at a time.

It seems like forever now but you will move on to a better place.

[reinventmyself]

My ex was a very pretty girl...in fact the prettiest I've ever been out with and to say I'm heartbroken is an understatement.

The thought of them touching one another does nothing more than make me feel sick.

I'm now worried I'm damaged goods and at the age of 40, I'll always be alone.

The pain I'm feeling now is unbearable.

I really don't ever want to fall in love again.

 

Text book catastrophic emotions post break up.

You WILL look back at this moment in time . . when you are sitting accross from your future date, enjoying yourself and smiling and you'll think about this moment and realize that you did survive.

It's tough, I know. .we all know how it feels. You swear you will never feel normal again but it's far from the truth!

You aren't the first to have your heatbroken and it may happen again.

Just know you will get through it. .be patient and kind to yourself

[SonyTV73]

Thanks for the replies - It does help.

 

The support I have had has been fantastic.

The downside is the dark moments that bequest me.

 

I don't eat, sleep and quite function for many months all over a girl I still love and have had so much history with.

The worst part about my crappy summer is the fact she has not thought about me once!

 

This is my second heartbreak......and I feel like I'm a normal bloke too!

[Ms Darcy]

This too shall pass ...

[SonyTV73]

I am wide awake after 2 hours (woo hoo!) sleep I can think of nothing other than my ex and her boyfriend in bed now. I've eaten only half a bowl of cereal and an apple today and yet still I feel sick.

 

At the age of 40 I feel my life is incomplete.

I've lost my girl of 4 years to again someone who earns a lot more money than me and who is her boss.

I've been having suicidal thoughts of late as the thought of everything is not great.

I'm on 30mg of citalopram and yet all I've done is cry.

 

I'm really sorry to go on......

[sky09]

I am wide awake after 2 hours (woo hoo!) sleep I can think of nothing other than my ex and her boyfriend in bed now. I've eaten only half a bowl of cereal and an apple today and yet still I feel sick.

 

At the age of 40 I feel my life is incomplete.

I've lost my girl of 4 years to again someone who earns a lot more money than me and who is her boss.

I've been having suicidal thoughts of late as the thought of everything is not great.

I'm on 30mg of citalopram and yet all I've done is cry.

 

I'm really sorry to go on......

 

get a grip on yourself, man. life is not over, until it is. get out and do stuff. go hit the gym, work on yourself, read a good book, travel, find something you enjoy doing (in a group or by yourself). what will suicide accomplish? nothing. be strong, things happen for a reason.

write your thoughts here, as this might be a good outlet to pour your heart out, even if people don't respond.

[SonyTV73]

Get a grip on yourself?

Thanks for that.

 

I've had 3 hours sleep this evening and now want to kill myself more than anything in the whole world.

[sky09]

Get a grip on yourself?

Thanks for that.

I've had 3 hours sleep this evening and now want to kill myself more than anything in the whole world.

 

This is serious. Get some help.

[reinventmyself]

This is serious. Get some help.

 

Telling someone to `get a grip' who is reaching out for help is painfully insensitive.

Sony. . .I hope you are ok today.

 

I am glancing through some threads this morning after not logging on over the weekend.

Though I may not agree with how some people navigate their personal life I know they probably came here in pain much like I did the first time and looking for support.

 

I am saddened at the heavy handed and at times very brutal responses people feel inclined to throw out to those who are reaching out.

Advice is sometimes hard to hear but please folks be careful with your words.

 

There are some threads that get under my skin and I may have a strong opinion about. These are the very ones I think it best to not comment about.

. . .Just a thought

[SonyTV73]

It's ok reinvent, I've had worse.

Sky is only saying what a load of other guys would say and to be honest, my father is pretty much saying the same but I know for a fact he'd be in the same position if my mother ever left him!

 

When I wrote this post I was having a breakdown.

I admitted myself to hospital literally half an hour after this post and am now under the care of my local mental health unit.

I'm a normal guy but I've really struggled with my emotions after my ex left me.

It makes it worse that I went through something similar 5 years back.

 

I'm very depressed and hope to get better in the future.

I came on here to vent as I am lost.

Seeing my ex on Thursday broke my heart and sent me back.

I emailed her saying that I don't think it's a good idea if I ever see her again. I must stick to this now for the ongoing future so I can rebuild my pitiful current life.

 

No hard feelings Sky - I'm not sure where I am to be honest.

[reinventmyself]

Hang in there and I am glad you are getting support!

[sky09]

I'm definitely not insensitive to your issue, man. I, myself, am coming out of a 5-year live-in relationship and know first-hand how hard it is. Nonetheless, we can't just surrender to our emotions - that is what I meant by getting a grip. Please, continue posting, as I've noticed it helping my own situation as well, instead of having mental fights inside of my head.