Should I remain in contact with old friend?

[Anon03Sept2014]

I'm 23 and I don't have any real life friends.

 

My mother was out a few weeks ago and she ran into an old friend of mine from about 12 years ago. One I'm not particularly keen on meeting up or talking to, due to theft of some of my favorite books, always asked for favors and money, but when I really needed help, was nowhere to be found, and it was always me having to initiate conversations or hanging out. My mother gave out my number and asked my old friend for their number.

 

I don't want to talk to this old friend because:

>Can't trust a thief

>Don't feel like always having to be the one starting conversations

>Friendship feels rather one-sided

>I don't want it look like my mommy has to make friends for me

 

About an hour ago, the friend texted me a generic 'how are you? what are you up to?' text message.

 

Should I respond? What should I do? Am I really being such a gigantic loser? All I really want to do is not respond at all and let the past be the past.

[arjumand]

So don't respond, your mother should not be handing out your contact information without your permission anyway.

 

But this does not change the fact that you need friends -- you cannot exist alone. What do you like to do? You need to find groups that do some of those things so that you can find people like you. Spending all your time without friends is very unhealthy.

[ParisPaulette]

You are not obliged to stay in contact with anyone just because you once knew them and/or your mom ran into them. I'm sure she didn't know about the stealing from you and the mooching or chances are good she would not have given out your info. Most likely said former friend is thinking, "Oh man, I've burned all my other bridges. Wait, weren't they a sucker before? Time to schmooze then ask for a loan! Score!" If your mom says anything more just say, "Oh yeah, the t

 

In other words, no don't respond. Unless it's to maybe to say, "So I'm still waiting for you to return my books." And watch the silence sound with a loud "thud." But really just don't bother responding, this former friend is counting on you not remembering what they did before. You do, end of story. And no you aren't a loser for any of this, the guy probably schmoozed your mom and she doesn't know the full details or has forgotten.

 

Friends like that, you don't need enemies is the truth.

[HeartGoesOn]

You don't have to respond, and you don't have to give a reason, either. You're an adult who is capable of choosing your own friends, as well as having the common sense to not involve yourself with a thief.

[Flyer79]

Or you could respond and say you don't appreciate how you were treated in the past and don't wish to continue contact.

[catfeeder]

It makes no sense to accept the contact when it's not what you want. You'll only come off as hostile, which defeats the whole purpose.

 

If you've been isolated, your Mom is worried about you. I would be kind to Mom and tell her that I understand her concern and appreciate her efforts. I would tell her that this particular person is not someone I'm interested in befriending again, but I acknowledge that it would be a good idea to pursue a friendship with someone who interests me, and I will take steps to do that.

[CeeLambrini]

If you don't want the contact, then that's up to you. However, being a similar age I've learnt that old friends can come back. They can also drift apart. But it's quite important to remember that you are judging a woman on her 11 year old self, if you haven't spoken for 12 years. Kids can be immature, and nothing like their adult selves. I'm sure you did things when you were 11 and upwards that you're not proud of.

 

Let the past be the past if you want. You may be missing out on a nice, new friendship.

[user4000]

Everyone deserves a second chance. 12 years ago? Meaning she was 11 when she stole from you? She might have changed!! The thing is that you never know what will come of it. Maybe you will start being her friend and realize she is a really cool person. Maybe you will meet someone because you are hanging out with her who happens to me more up your alley. Maybe you will hate her. You never know. I always say it can't hurt. When you are an adult, making friends is kind of the worst because you aren't sitting in a school of 1000 people your age! I say that if she cared enough to send you a message then maybe she deserves a chance. Also, who cares if your mom is out there making friends for you. It is a conversation starter! "I can't believe my mom is handing my number out all over town...just waiting for the serial killer to show up!"

 

And hey, even if you decided not to respond and this message changes your mind, I wouldn't think it is weird to respond a few days later. Just say something like "Sorry I took a few days to respond, I'm the worst texter! My mom told me she saw you, do you want to catch up over coffee?".

I guarantee people don't analyse things as much as we think they do!