Romance in the Office

[MisUnderstood9]

I am going to be the take over agent for the office I work at. Right now, I am just the co-owner and I'm not officially taking over for 2 more years, but everyone in the office knows I am their boss (sort of).

 

Anyways, we hired on a new staff member a few weeks ago. She is intelligent, good looking and around my age. I hired her because she reminded me of myself and I want more staff in the office that are hardworking, "go getters".

 

I introduced a pretty strick rule in the office in February due to 2 employees who decided to date and then had a nasty break up and it was affecting the office atomosphere and work of everyone else and themselves -- NO DATING YOUR CO-WORKERS.

 

Simple enough I thought. How hard can it be to keep it in your pants at work, all of the staff agreed this was a good rule since the dynamics of the 2 employees break up pretty much ruined the office and it came down to having to let one of them go just to get the nastiness of the break up out of the office -- she got very obsessive and harassing him.. almost had to file a harassment suit (it was horrible).

 

Well, the new employee is well aware of this rule. She made it clear that her goal is someday be my partner so, no way was she going to let a romance come into the work place.. well it's happening with the guy who was the dumper in the LAST staff relationship. He's been taking her to lunch, volunteering to help her get used to the computer.. being very "buddy buddy". I am not stupid, I can see what is going on and have been told by other staff members "its happening again", "hope this one doesnt end like the last one".

 

Now, my issue is... what do I do? The other owner/boss is not here very often as he is about to retire and comes in only to make a quick appearance so I have to deal with this, and soon. I dont know 100% there is something serious going on if he is just being friendly to the new girl, I cant even tell if the new girl is into it also or also just seeing as he is being nice. I dont want to accuse without proof I guess, but if he is trying to date her or something along those lines, that is break office rules and I will have no choice but to suspend him without pay for 2 weeks.

 

What would you do?

[DancingFool]

Verbal warning to both and document that in their respective files, followed by written warnings, followed by suspension, followed by letting both go.

 

In terms of written warning, I would just sit each one down individually and tell them point blank that it has come to your attention that some of their behavior has been questionable and appears to be in violation of office dating policy. You'd like to remind them of the policy and hope that it is followed. Give them a copy of the policy in writing and have them sign off on that as a reminder and to cover yourself that they were indisputably aware of the policy against in office dating. Make it matter of fact. Do not turn this into a debate and don't even open the door for that. You are basically delivering a polite warning and reminder.

 

If they both carry on and it becomes clear they are involved, aka it reaches the point where they will need to be fired, make sure you let them both go. Treat both equally and that's important.

[Seraphim]

I would check with human rights before you get into murky water.

[MisUnderstood9]

Thank you DancingFool, the male was already verbally warned after letting the other women go back in February. Even though, he tried his best to not let the break effect his work, the ex didnt do the same and thats why she was let go and he wasnt.

 

I had a large staff meeting when I brought this rule into effect and had every sign new office policies/contracts with this rule in it (as well as a few others we had to place in due to other issues). I have been montoring it and so far it seems harmless, that he is just trying to help her but, if it seems like more than that I will be addressing it with a verbal warning for her and a written warning for him. I have a 1 verbal, 2 written, suspension, termination rule. All of my employees are aware of this.

 

It's hard to know the proper action as being a young boss, even with my education and background knowledge.

[MisUnderstood9]

I would check with human rights before you get into murky water.

 

I have checked with all the necessary boards before we even introduced the rule to the office Victoria. We are not violating any laws or rights, as it is a necessary step to keep the office and work atmosphere as professional as possible.

[abitbroken]

I have checked with all the necessary boards before we even introduced the rule to the office Victoria. We are not violating any laws or rights, as it is a necessary step to keep the office and work atmosphere as professional as possible.

 

There is a big difference also between coworkers who work together for 10 years gradually and naturally having a relationship based on mutual trust and deciding to date and keeping things out of work to test the waters versus what seems to be - this guy is sort of targeting this new woman right off the bat - wining and dining her as much as you can at work.

 

Honestly, if you have known this guy for long, I would tell him that you are aware that he is pursuing the new employee, or at least that is what it seems. It does not look like mentoring. If he truly wants to help her, and not be misconstrued, he needs to invite other coworkers out also or encourage her to get to know other coworkers and tell her their pluses that she can learn from. Is there another woman on staff who would be a better mentor?

[Mari]

I have checked with all the necessary boards before we even introduced the rule to the office Victoria. We are not violating any laws or rights, as it is a necessary step to keep the office and work atmosphere as professional as possible.

 

I don't think you should have this as a rule as some people may have a good breakup and some people would have a good relationship without breaking up. I think having a rule that it doesn't affect work is good and warning people of what happened in the past is good.

 

But if you really want to go down the prevention path then you might as well segregate the office. That's the only sure fire way to prevent people from working on the same projects and developing feelings, otherwise you will be back at this question every time something potential could happen. If that guy was a girl helping this girl out you would've been grateful, but because it's a guy you have to guess at whether he likes her or not. And if he does, then he doesn't get rewarded for that help, he gets reprimanded. So then every guy in your office will be less willing to help a girl and vice versa to avoid the risk of being reprimanded? That's not a good team environment.

 

If the cost of policing the office is minimal, then that may work well. Otherwise, segregate or warn people of bad breakups and only take action when it starts affecting their work.

[mhowe]

There is no need to segregate the office! Most adults are capable of acting professionally and since this is a rule that they sign off on for employment....they realize that the office is for working and not a dating pool. I would talk to them separately and if it turns out he is being more than friendly to the new hire let them both get a warning.

[DancingFool]

If that verbal warning was before the new policy came into effect, you would wise to do a verbal warning to address this particular issue with him.

[Mari]

There is no need to segregate the office! Most adults are capable of acting professionally and since this is a rule that they sign off on for employment....they realize that the office is for working and not a dating pool. I would talk to them separately and if it turns out he is being more than friendly to the new hire let them both get a warning.

 

What do you mean no segregation I thought that advice would get taken the second I proposed it Maybe she's just all that. Maybe she's worth breaking rules for, and all he has to do is lie that he's not dating her and it'll be all good.

 

"Hey are you putting the moves on that new attractive coworker we just hired, with your helping her every second and laughing and talking all the time even though I told you not to?"

 

"No."

 

 

[PaintWithLight]

I don't think you can regulate someone dating a coworker, can you?

 

I knew of someone who worked with a casino and their policy was if you dated a coworker, the couple had to sign paperwork to that effect with HR. This was an attempt to eliminate the fallout if they ended things on a bad note.

 

But seriously, documenting and firing someone because they date a coworker? Think of all the marriages that have been formed on the job. I am not saying it is a good idea of introducing romance in the workplace but the fools that cannot handle their lovelife are probably also marginal employee for lots of other reasons.

[Heather Dawn]

I didn't know that employers could make a rule about not dating co-workers if there wasn't potential for it affecting their jobs in such a way that they or others could be harmed (i.e. partnered cops are not allowed to become romantic, as far as I know).

 

Regardless, I think you need to have another meeting during which you emphasize that you did, in fact, institute this rule and that anyone found to have broken it will be disciplined according to the level of the offense (1st, 2nd, etc.). However, I would think that you have to be 100% sure that they're dating before you can take action. They ARE allowed to be friends. At my place of work there are currently seven of us - two women and five men - and we've all become very good friends. On any given day, a random pairing or threesome will be going for lunch together, and it's just because we work closely together in a fairly intimate setting (in terms of it being a small group) and we're friends. And all of us - with the exception of one of the guys - are very happily ensconced in relationships of varying levels (newly dating to married) in our personal lives.

[browneyedgirl36]

One of my relatives works for a company -- a major retailer -- that doesn't allow people who are in romantic relationships to work at the same location. She and her longterm boyfriend -- now husband -- could date, but they could never work in the same place. The result was that for a lot of their relationship, they lived in entirely different cities. He finally left the company (retired, not because of this situation). Employers CAN make these policies. I'm not sure how well enforceable they are -- people often just sneak around -- but they policies like this definitely can be instituted.

 

I dated a co-worker; previously, he had dated another co-worker. It never affected my work performance, but seeing him all the time after he dumped me was really bad for my morale and overall well-being. I never let it interfere with my job, bit it was pretty excruciating. I don't recommend dating a co-worker unless you don't have to see him or her regularly (i.e. if the two work in different locations). And, it's never a good idea, IMO, for a supervisor to date someone under him or her.

[browneyedgirl36]

I don't think you can regulate someone dating a coworker, can you?

 

I knew of someone who worked with a casino and their policy was if you dated a coworker, the couple had to sign paperwork to that effect with HR. This was an attempt to eliminate the fallout if they ended things on a bad note.

 

But seriously, documenting and firing someone because they date a coworker? Think of all the marriages that have been formed on the job. I am not saying it is a good idea of introducing romance in the workplace but the fools that cannot handle their lovelife are probably also marginal employee for lots of other reasons.

 

I agree with this; I think that people who let their relationships interfere with their work and disrupt the workplace generally have a lot of other issues. I work with an ex, and our relationship, though it ended and I was devastated, didn't negatively impact our job performance. We never talked about it at work (except when no one was around), and even though I was pretty badly hurt by the whole thing, I acted like nothing was wrong -- everything was normal -- so no one knew what was happening. In fact, no one at work even knew we had dated, though one colleague did ask if we had because she said we seemed really close and that there seemed to be "interest" there on both of our parts. I told her the truth and asked her not to disclose it, and she hasn't. The key is that we kept the drama OUT of the workplace. Many people CAN do this, but the ones who can't are the reason behind policies like this one, which, sadly, are necessary in some workplaces.

[Alezia]

The policy is typically there in the event where you need to take action to stop the impact of a negative relationship in the workplace or reprimand the individuals involved.

 

As a manager, I would recommend that you ignore their behavior until you can observe a factual relationship and its impact on the work (ex: absenteeism, favoritism etc...). While they may just deny the romance if they are lightly involved and not ready to communicate that they are in a relationship; they will most likely think you are down right crazy if they are not. You don't have much to gain by creating a follow-up at this point in time.