Is it fair to ask this of my friend

[Amp33]

There's a guy I was seeing and developed feelings for, which is a big deal because I don't fall for guys easily.. After we spent time together for a couple weeks he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship but atill wanted to do things together sometimes. I know what that means. I'm not stupid. Anyway he basically stopped talking to me.

 

My friend goes to see him occasionally on professional terms, they've never hungout outside of his work. She also has a long term boyfriend.. But I've noticed they've been talking(texting) a lot. And "snapchatting" a lot.. It genuinely makes me feel hurt. Because she knows how I feel about him. Is it fair if I ask her to stop talking to him? I'm pretty sure he stopped talking to me because he likes her.. (Story of my life).. If your best friend asked this of you, would you accept and understand it?

[agent1607307371]

If she needs to be in contact with him for professional reasons, asking her to stop talking to him isn't fair - she might need to keep that relationship good and that's part of how she does it.

[notalady]

I don't think it's fair for you to ask her to stop talking to a guy that you are interested in (but not interested in you) because it hurts your feelings. If a best friend ask this of me though, I would be understanding, depending on my relationship with the guy (ie if we are close friends or not). Even if your friend can accept your request, doesn't mean that you should be asking. You should be moving on from a guy who is not interested in you.

 

However if you feel concerned about your friend's relationship with this guy given she has a bf, you can feel free to talk to her and make sure she isn't doing something silly that will ruin her own relationship.

[greta96]

I've been in your shoes a few times with different people, and the first few times I didn't say anything, thinking it wasn't my place to tell my friends what to do. I was hoping that they would refrain from chatting up the guys on their own, knowing that I had feelings or a history with them...but that didn't happen. So the most recent time I was in this situation, I spoke up and nicely told my friend how her actions made me feel and how much I would appreciate it if she scaled down on the communication with the guy I liked. She did cut it down.

It depends on your friend, and how much she values your friendship.

However, if your friend needs to stay in touch with the guy for professional reasons, there is nothing she can do about that. Although I doubt snapchatting has anything to do with work.

I vote for speaking up, she can't read your mind and maybe she doesn't realize how much it bothers you.

[lavenderdove]

Rejection hurts. It just does. But you need to learn how to be resilient and deal with it.

 

So if your friend has legitimate business reasons to talk to this guy, then you can't ask her to stop just because you feel rejected. It is OK to ask her to stop talking about him and tell her it is painful and you don't want to hear anything about him at all so she shouldn't bring him up, but she doesn't have to stop talking to him just because you're feelings are smarting a bit now.

 

Tell her to please refrain from texting and snapchatting him when you're around because it is painful to be reminded of him right now. That is a very reasonable request from you and she should be able to respect that easily.

[SoulTaker]

Unless the two of you have an agreement in place to avoid men that the other one has shown interest in, you don't have the right to ask her not to be with this man (professionally, or romantically).

 

You gave it a shot and it didn't work out. The issue is why you became so infatuated with a man who you only knew for a couple of weeks. I would think that the first few weeks would be for you to see if the two of you were compatible, and whether there was any chemistry between the two of you (and not only you). You might even have broken your own rule in falling for someone so quickly, and easily.

[eskimobobseal]

I totally understand your view OP, however, if your friend needs to be in contact with this guy for professional reasons there's not much you can do. Don't think about it, I know it hurts but you only knew him for a few weeks and - lets face it. You're a woman. Its easier for ya'll, I'm sure another guy will be more than happy to go out with you eventually