Day 1

[happyplace]

Well she's not making it easy for you that's for sure, but women seem to have that talent I feel. But I think you're golden with the letting her reach out. I'm trying to do the same thing with mine, its only been a day since we talked but we both know it isn't exactly easy. It's like waiting for a text that may never come, but I think we need to think of it more like were dangling the option for them to get in touch with us as opposed to waiting for their next one, if that makes any kind of sense.

[pfbsurf]

No, she's not but in a way this is good - i can take my time and figure out what I want.

 

 

hey - just went back and read your original (first) post on your situation.

 

(One of the things we have in common is this "need" for affection. In general i have found the more that I suppress this, the better. I think it is one of the killers in a relationship. Doesn't mean you never will get affection, but it should be natural...)

 

Remind me, what is your NC/LC situation? When did you break up and how often have you communicated?

[happyplace]

We broke up about 2 weeks ago. She was texting me about every other day (I broke down and texted her once but I've held off since). She said she misses me and thinks for now the breakup was right to do but its too soon to tell.

 

And about the affection, I love affection, but with her it wasn't like I needed it 24/7 she just never gave it. She even said to me that when she realizes she hasn't been loving in a while she feels bad and I'll get a day or so of super love and affection then back to the norm.

 

I actually posted about it in the forum if you wanna read in detail. I admit I wrote in in a bit of anger and it's settled since then but its more or less what caused us to set a breakup date.

 

Here's the link to the thread if you care to read:

 

 

 

Pardon the kinda sappy stuff towards the end of that thread though, the people on her straightened me out a bit haha.

 

But I wanna hear your thoughts, either on this thread or message me, whatever you wanna do.

[happyplace]

Re-reading what you said, did you already read that post or were you referring to my post in your thread? Sorry for the confusion.

[pfbsurf]

Did read your post and got the gist of your situation. Sometimes too much detail clouds the issues. ALL of the stories on this site center around the same few themes, and generally have the same answers - basically that our own individual happiness is what is most important (and attractive)...

 

There is a great quote - "the only relationship strategy is self improvement"

 

you are in a very good position to figure out how to be a better, happy person - on your own. If you do this, and then reconcile, your ex will notice this and you both will be better off for it. That is my general advice - not rocket science/

 

As for specific advice, I will also say that 2 weeks with her texting you is way too soon for you to really be able to assess the relationship. I was 10 weeks and it still feels too soon. When we saw each other it was like all that time (and pain) evaporated. This is not necessarily a good thing.

 

Consensus is that 30 days full NC is a very good start. Its painful, trust me. I didn't really do it myself bc she reached out a couple of times, but i will say i held my ground about LC... Still though, i wonder where i'd be if i'd don the full NC.