Is it over or my relationship can be salvaged?

[cloud1]

I have met a girl at uni and we became good friends over time. I started to have feelings for her but she was in a relationship with her bf (now her ex) for 3 years. I did not say anything to her and at that time, her bf cheated on her. I was there for her and slowly I confessed my feelings for her. She asked me why I did not tell her earlier. I just said that I am not the kind of guy who breaks other's relationship. We dated on and off because she could not cope with others eyeing our relationship. At the end of uni level, we had a dispute where we went NC for four months. It was hard for both of us. But we met at graduation and and started to be friends again.

She told me that she dated a guy but things went wrong because she still has feelings for me. We started to get to know each other and by chance we were working in the same company but in different locations.

We started clearing everything and by June we started our relationship..Everything went well - we were seeing each other like twice or thrice a week after work...However couple days back, she was distant and I knew this because she told me at times that she would not talk and so on. She phoned me on Monday and told me that at times, she really likes my company but at times, it's as if I'm invading her space and that she feels suffocated. I told her many times that we both should and have a private life. But she told me that after her breakup with her ex she started to love her single life but at times needed someone by her side. She said she does not want to hurt me and she does not want to break up with me but following this discussion it's as if she was distant all the time..She told me that she had trust issues and that she does not have the same feeling she had when we were both at uni..

 

However, she started to phone me regularly and she seems much better than 2 weeks back (we have not seen each other for 3 weeks told me that she already moved on about what she said to me and now she is feeling much better but the fact that we have not seen each other for 3 weeks is bugging me (well i do know that we are both working) but it's as if she is not making time to see me.... I have been diagnostised with hernia and she phoned me everyday and yesterday told me that she was sorry we did not meet because of work schedule (well we both have busy schedules)...

She phoned me everyday saying that she was sorry,that I am a good guy and that I don't need a loser like her in my life..I told her that no matter what I'm not here to make her suffer but rather make her come out of her barrier.I reassured her that I am not here to hinder her because I want her to realise that being apart will do us no good but.........Well i don't even know what is to be done

[ChrisD]

The quick turn around in mood very much sound like something has happened on her end. From what you've said it sounds like she was preparing to get rid of you then rubber banded back. That sounds odd to me. I had a girlfriend do that before, and I later realized it was a sudden rush of guilt she had and was compensating.

[SooSad33]

If you two had gotten together soon after her BU of her long term BF, then most likely you were a 'rebound'.

She was not ready for a relationship yet, trying to get over her BU. So she was mentally & emotionally unavailable to you.

 

One needs time to deal with that 'loss'. Can take many months.

 

So, I suggest you either accept her at friendship level or if you can't accept that, look at moving along.

[cloud1]

At first we did nit initially date until after 1 year but she told me that it would be preferable that we do this after university...So here we are now,after 4 months of NC,we cleared every little things..when she proposed me,like finally she was ready but she constantly moves back into her past..Well she does see her ex(who is getting married next year) but now i do think it's well over even though if she tells me now she wants nothing...