Ex leave me after 7 months to have fun with friends and play mind games with me

[Timbreezzy]

So I met this girl at my job, she is 27 and I'm 22, and we had a sexual thing for each other. I haven't had a relationship with someone since 2010 and she never had one at all. She always use to the whole have sex and get left because guys would always do that to her. So when she met me she thought I was gonna be the same way an she was fine with that. But when we started talking, i felt more for her than just have fun. So we started talking and I took her out on dates. And must I remind you she never been on a real date before. So to fast forward, we grew stronger with each other after 2 months and we had a lot of fun with each other. But during the first 2 months she never posted pictures of me neither talk about me on Facebook. And she had a lot of guys after her and I wanted her to let these guys know she not available anymore an to back off. But she would always tell me they know and stuff but I'm here like how would they know when you don't post anything about me? I posted 2 pictures of her on my profile and girls knew I wasent available. So on our 3rd month things got rocky. She would act suspicious hide her phone and would reply to guys on social network. And must I remind y'all I'm a jealous person like a regular guy that has true feelings for someone. And I didn't like that, so I told her why are you hiding your phone and stuff and she would say "I'm not hiding anything I promise" and I let it go. But it kept happening, so eventually I told her I'm done an I can't do this but she cried and beg to not leave her. So I felt her compassion and didnt leave. But than the other problem was her friends aren't really there for her. She told me she had countless nights of her feeling alone and stuff and she felt like if she told her friends things about her life or problems she will feel like she is bugging them or they wouldn't care and that's weird to me? Like why would you feel that way if they are your friends. Maybe she just needed to open up to them more. But they were the type of friends to have fun to party and that's it. When your friends should know everything and anything about you. So it got to the point with her guy friends. I never in my life told a girl she couldn't talk to her friends neither talk to guys friends but these days now, guys are not "friends" anymore that is rare lol. So they would always call her cutie or sweetie all the time and that bother me. I let it slide a lot of times but they kept doing that and I told her I ain't letting no man call my girl cutie or sweetie, they must like you or something. So than she introduce me to one of her girl friends and she was weird. We went out to eat and she didn't even ask me one question about me. She didn't even get to know me lol. I was getting to know her than she was to me. And that's weird. If your girl is faith someone wouldn't you want to make sure he is a good man for her?? lol so I told her that's weird she didn't get to know me and she thought the same. So one day after work, i check her Instagram comments and seen that she was replying to these thirsty guys on there and I had enough. I texted her saying you spend to much time talking to other guys than me and focus on other stuff than rather talk to me. I'm done. So she drove to my house again beg an cried. So I told her let me see your phone and she wouldn't let me. So I told her you play to much games I can't do this, so she told me I'm sorry, I'll delete everything. Social networks and delete all my messages and delete guys numbers on my phone. So she did, and since than I posted pics of me and her on my social networks and stuff. And she stop talking to her friends because they weren't doing much for her and she felt the same. So the 4 months we were happy and things were good. Until she started lying to me about her ex and stuff. She told me she didn't have feelings for him but she had his number in her phone which a sad face over it. I ask her who that was she said it was so other Guy until I found out she lied to me. That hurt me really bad because that guy wasent even her ex, it was some guy that made her into a SIDECHICK and mess around with her for 2 years straight and played her. So I got tired of the lies and wanted to leave but she did the same thing and cried and told me to stay so I did being the good man I was. She never really had anyone take her on cute dates or go with her to theme parks or even treat her right. So on our 5 month we did better than ever. She was a whole new person, she stop lying to me, she showed me her phone told me if someone texted her or if someone called her. She was basically honest with me and it was a whole new her. Than the 6 month came and things went down hill from there. She miss her friends and I told her you can talk to them but not the guys because I didn't trust them. And she said okay, but than she started to go back to her old self and started to lie to me and do suspicious stuff. Than one day she just told me I'm done I can't and that was it. I was so hurt that as many times I wanted to leave I didn't leave but one time she just lets me go without working anything with me. But deep down inside her heart she knew it was a big mistake because I busts y back for her I did anything and everything for her. I did everything first for her. Treated her right took care of her and loved her. But her friends kept convincing her to leave me and have fun and party. So thus she changed and treated me like . She would give me 2 word texts when I'm here writing a sentence to her and she would got to clubs like crazy. Like every weekend or weekday, and the craziest part is that she would go to clubs than hit me up and say she up and misses me. An I said it's okay everyone makes mistakes and she said okay I want to be with you again. But after that day she would stop talking to me for 5 days and repeat the process. She would even call me crying saying she mess up and do the same thing. I felt like I was there just to comfort her when she is lonely since her friends aren't there than leave me.. Everyday got worse because she would go have fun when I'm here suffering and sad. So I recently had to cut it off because this treatment was crazy. I tried 20 times to bring back us but she said the same thing every time. "I need to work on myself" but how are you when you are going to clubs and party's?? So I just 4 days ago stop talking to her and I seen that she still going to clubs and hanging with her guys friends who "supposedly" don't like her like that when I seen messages of them tryna flirt with her. I know right now she wants her freedom and have fun with her friends but it's really mess up how she left me just for that and I'm here being faithful to her and was always honest with her. So my question is what do I do. Should I leave my social networks block or unblock so she can see me and miss me more? Or should I keep continue no contact until it hits her. But I'm afraid if I do that than she will stop hitting me up and move on and I want her to be with me but I want her to treat me better. It's hard to explain lol. What do y'all think?

[fireflies]

NC is for you, not her. She doesn't need to miss you more. You need to heal.

 

To her you're like a safety net. She knows she can always come back to you for the price of a few tears. No matter how wonderful you've been to her, what she really wants is the attention of all those guys. Until she outgrows that need, she's no good for your or herself.

 

For your own sake, let her go.

[Jehst1987]

I think you should stick to No Contact, but as Fireflies says above, it's to help you move on from her, rather than a tactic to ensure she misses you.

I know how you feel here mate. You want to be enough to make her change her ways/see what's in front of her, etc. You treat her well, give her what you think she needs, but ultimately she's not willing to commit and it's an ego buster. I've been there.

Fireflies is right that you're her safety blanket and if you let her, she'll come back to you each time she's had enough of partying or isn't getting the attention she needs from the other guys in her life. The danger there is that you're constantly in a state of jealous (wondering who she's talking to, partying with, seeing, etc.) and anxiety.

I was in a similar situation and in the end I had to tuck my ego in and walk away from it, otherwise I would have been that safety blanket until ultimately there was a shift. Do you want to let yourself be 'used' that way until she finds someone else, or do you want to take responsibility and control over what happens next?

 

By the way, if you want more replies, you might want to break your post down into paragraphs to make it easier for people to follow.

[Timbreezzy]

Thank you guys for the advice, and this is my first post so sorry for the long stuck together story lol.

 

But it's been 3 days so far no contact. My problem is now I keep looking at her Instagram and Twitter to see what she is doing just incase she came back to me saying she didn't do anything.

 

Because she did that before and I already know she was lying to me seeing it on Instagram. I know i should stop looking at it, but fuuccck I guess you can say I'm a really caring person and I still love her till this day and it's gonna remain like that until I die because she was my first love.

 

The strange thing is that, I want her still in my life no matter how up she treated me, people make mistakes. Ima still go NC but idk how long should I do it for? What do you guys think? An I don't wanna lose her from doing it but right now I know it's best to let her know I'm not gonna be there

[fireflies]

Not to be rude, but 3 days of checking her Instagram and Twitter postings is not NC. It's playing mind games with yourself.

 

It's normal to want her back in your life, but the 'mistakes' she's made aren't out of innocence and naivete. She's lied repeatedly to have you and her 'cake' too.

 

When you add in the fact that she's 27 years old, her behavior seems less like a 'mistake' to me and more like the pattern of her life. If you're fine with that, then great... break NC, but from an outsider's point of view, you're in for a world of hurt.

 

You might find this discussion helpful. The OP wanted to know " When exactly is the soft spot for breaking NC?"

 

[Jehst1987]

You miss her now because you're used to having her around, but in 3-4 months of no contact, will you still miss her after how she's behaved?

Let it go mate. There are plenty more options out there. She disrespected you. Why put up with that? It wasn't a mistake, she meant to do all of it. It's her choices.

Deactivate your twitter and Instagram accounts for a little bit... Go on websites like this, news, YouTube etc when you'd normally visit twitter and Insta. Checking her account sets you back each time. I know the temptation but don't.

[Timbreezzy]

Damn y'all I really need help, it's been hard so far. Sometimes I check her social networks time from time and I know she does to.

 

But right now I see her happy going clubbing and party's with her friends while I was here being faithful to her when she was playing mind games with me

 

I want to be with her. But like y'all said it's gonna be the same thing right now until it hits her that these dudes are gonna play her and be unfaithful if she keeps going this route. Lesson of life

 

So my question is to y'all, should I take her back knowing she could be messing with other guys? ( PS: I think that is disgusting leaving someone to have fun with other people than come back like nothing happen) or make her work hard to get me back?

 

I know that I'm young and she is older, but i rather be with her than anyone else. I know there's lots of options but why do that when I found someone? But that someone right now don't want me because of fun and listening to friends it's like she return to her old self.

 

She usually can't talk to me for a week an 3 days that's the longest we haven't ever talk to each other because she starts to miss me and than she leaves me when I communicate with her. So I was thinking I think not talk to her for a month and set a statement saying I'm not gonna be push over or always there for you when you want to use me and leave

 

But after that idk if I should leave it off for 2 or 3 months not talking to her because I don't wanna lose her... Damn it's like a lose lose situation with me y'all

[fireflies]

But like y'all said it's gonna be the same thing right now until it hits her that these dudes are gonna play her and be unfaithful if she keeps going this route.

 

So my question is to y'all, should I take her back knowing she could be messing with other guys?

 

I wouldn't wait for her to "realize" these dudes are gonna play her. She's 27. She's well aware of that possibility. The point is she prefers the fun and the games (and even the pain) to being in a stable relationship with you. How does that make you feel?

 

You seem to think that deep down she's the "good" girl who keeps lapsing because of her friends. I think she is who she is. Fish swim, birds fly, she likes a good time. Until you realize how she behaves most of the time is who she really is, you are in a "lose lose situation."

[Jehst1987]

You should leave her entirely. I don't understand why you'd want to get back with her, at all. She's messed around and she'll continue you to do it if you give her that option. Literally cut all contact with her, go through a few months of feeling pain, but you'll be so much better of for it and you'll find an equally attractive girl who also treats you well. You're so young mate. Don't waste time on this girl, believe me! Man up ;-)

[Timbreezzy]

I wouldn't wait for her to "realize" these dudes are gonna play her. She's 27. She's well aware of that possibility. The point is she prefers the fun and the games (and even the pain) to being in a stable relationship with you. How does that make you feel?

 

You seem to think that deep down she's the "good" girl who keeps lapsing because of her friends. I think she is who she is. Fish swim, birds fly, she likes a good time. Until you realize how she behaves most of the time is who she really is, you are in a "lose lose situation."

 

 

 

Damn i know I am in a lose lose situation but the thing is she don't even know who she is. An plus she has mental issues, meaning she makes the wrong choices all the time. when she was with me, she found herself. She find out who she really is and like it.

 

When she was by herself she was lost and was always crying that these dudes would always play her and don't know why. Until I came and made her stronger and not let people do that to her and she is much stronger today than she was before. She not weak anymore

 

It's just crazy how her "friends" were way more important than me when I help her get better and be a stronger person. I guess she wanted more freedom and was very selfish. When she went her friends she was a totally different person. It literally disgusts me and I didn't know who she was anymore..

 

I just don't know why GOD have her in my life, enjoy all these memories had fun and was happy than in the End get hurt and left for her to be selfish and go to clubs and have fun with her friends for everything I done..

[Timbreezzy]

Update: it's now marking today, has been a week with no contact. So far it's been hard, I do think about her daily.

 

I know it's super early in the stage, but seeing on her social networks that her friends was telling her they had a good time with her aka (guy friends) it digusts me. But at the same time this feels weird meaning as if this wasent suppose to happen

 

I just miss her a lot Mann. I do workout daily and go with friends, but I think I'm such a caring person I think about her a lot. Idk if she does to..

[faraday]

No contact means no contact...that includes blocking her on fb and instagram and any other sites where you can get updates on her.

 

Your healing will go much faster if you cut her out completely.

 

Update: it's now marking today, has been a week with no contact. So far it's been hard, I do think about her daily.

 

I know it's super early in the stage, but seeing on her social networks that her friends was telling her they had a good time with her aka (guy friends) it digusts me. But at the same time this feels weird meaning as if this wasent suppose to happen

 

I just miss her a lot Mann. I do workout daily and go with friends, but I think I'm such a caring person I think about her a lot. Idk if she does to..

[Timbreezzy]

I know, but mostly my friends with half my exs and I was fine with that.

 

But this one is different, like I felt like we were meant to be but I guess she is not seeing that because she is blinded with going out having fun which sucks

 

I felt like god brung me in her life to be with her an guide her out of a dark hole which she was in when I met her and she improved and got stronger and more wiser from me

 

But than it changed when her friends got into her head to become her old self and thus she was selfish and left me. But she knew it didn't feel right and felt like it was a mistake. But right now she it's not hitting her. She might think about me, but not until she gets lonely or if her friends start to change on her

 

Let's just say this, I do wanna have her in my life I don't wanna lose her idk why she was a big impact in my life.

 

So let's say after a month she hits me up saying she mess up and she wants me back and it was a mistake she did and wants to do this again. do I easy tell her yeah we can try to work. Or do I have her work to build my trust up? Because she up my trust when she left me. And it's gonna be difficult this time around

 

I know when you don't have trust in someone you shouldn't do it again. But if she shows me she wants to be with me and make me happy than I'm okay with that. I do have to forgive her, because people make mistakes in life. I know it sucks what she did to me but I have to see it this way that she wasn't thinking and wanted to have fun for no reason. But idk..

 

I can forgive but not forget. I have to say she was the best GF I ever have that's why I feel like I don't wanna lose her.

 

Idk what do y'all think

[faraday]

You cannot change someone. You cannot rescue them. You are not a knight in shining armour. She is an adult and she needs to make her own decisions and mistakes. And maybe she will change her mind and want to come back...do you really want to invest in someone that has such an undefined sense of self? Do you want to be with someone who needs supervision and that you have to parent? Do you really want to be with someone that ended things with you because she'd rather get attention from other guys than you?

 

My honest thought is...block her on everything and move on. Living in the state of limbo waiting for her to come back around is hell, isn't it?

 

It's unlikely that she will come back...and if she does...it will most likely be to screw around with your head some more.

[Timbreezzy]

Today has been 3 weeks with no contact, she was off work for about 3 months and she stares work today and she might find a couple of guys to flirt with which makes me sad and disappointed that she would rather get that attention but Idkk that forsure

 

 

She posted something on her social network saying "she wish things were different I really do, but the past is the past" so I'm guessing she misses me but dosent do anything about it? And she called me real quick and hung up like last week.

 

I guess to see if I block her number or not (which I didn't) but she block me from her social networks and everything. I'm guessing her friends are really getting into her head

[faraday]

You are not in no contact. If you are still seeing her updates, you're still getting communication from her.

 

 

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[faraday]

And I know "it's different" but it's not. It's just like every other break up story on here. Block her.

 

 

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