Missing...everything

[Charlotte12]

I know it has been a long time now since my break up. It is more than five months now. Still, I have a bit of the rollercoaster feelings everyday (luckily, they are not so intense right now). It takes a lot of work not to think negatively and complain about what happened all the time. The thing is, I know I didn't want this to happen nor did I make anything for this to happen.

I miss this human who was in my life for a long time. I am sure he is still a good person in spite of the way he treated me. I sometimes feel guilty about missing him, does it happen to you too? I mean, he was able to replace me and managed not to need me in his life anymore...so I think missing him is wasting my time, really. Missing someone that hasn't talked to you in more than three months...missing someone who doesn't felt the need to contact me at all, not even for a "guilty" apology. Missing someone who is probably enjoying his new life, without remembering I was there just a few months ago. I guess, I will still have to keep on going like I did all this time.

Even though I am doing so much better, and feel stronger, wiser, etc. I am having a hard time at letting go of all these questions in my head...I know I shouldn't be thinking about his feelings or what he is doing, obsessing and drawing conclusions that will only hurt me more. But, I do it. I am not trying to hurt me but I don't know how to do it. I feel scarred...and I wish I could have had a proper ending to my story, a better ending without so many questions unanswered...but again, I didn't chose this. Sorry for all the rambling, I think I am having one of those days when you need to take everything out. So...how do you do it? I mean...I don't know what I would do if he reappeared in my life, but a part of me wishes that could happen in a way...am I crazy?

[Oman0123]

not crazy, just normal.

 

Just remember that his life isnt always rainbows and butterflies, keep bettering yourself. If there is one thing my ex taught me is that confidence is sexy.

 

my ex just broke up with me after 5 years a couple days ago (feel free to read my thread i started this morning). If i knew how to keep her from going through my mind all day I would tell you. Ill be thinking about you today and hoping for easier days.

[panther]

Doesn't matter that it is a waste of time that you are missing him even if rationally it doesn't make sense because he hurt you. It's just the way we process things and there is no way to turn off those feelings. You know that.

Haven't seen you here in a while but it seems to me you are on the right track. The frequency of your thoughts is getting smaller and it will continue to be so.

You were together for 7 years, right? So after 5 months seems very good to me that you already see some improvements.

Yeah, today is Sunday, you are probably home and a bit bored, so it's normal you are having one of those days where the thinking becomes too much. Tomorrow will be better for sure.

[SooSad33]

Hi Charlotte,

 

You're not crazy. Pain can go a long way. It is a fight to work on getting better and accepting everything.

You're human like the rest of us. Remember it's dealing with a 'loss' and loss is NEVER easy. It can be very painful.

 

Yes, we're often left with the questions.. the 'what if's, etc. And how deeply in your heart it is.

 

You are 5 months in and you are managing your best with this. Don't go at yourself for having these 'moments'. It's okay. You're allowed.

You're venting.. vent away. Let some more tears flow. You're only doing your best to deal with it all.

We understand.

 

I'd say in a few more months ( another 4-5?) You will start to feel even more better than you are today.

Over time, things will ease off on you. You'll find it a bit easier to cope & accept.

Have you tried any therapy? If it's been too hard on you, this might help.

 

It's all part of 'accepting & healing'.

One day at a time.. ((hugs)).

[Allipie]

You're not crazy.

I have so many unanswered questions myself. I have no idea how people can just move on like we were nothing to them. After 7 (?) years, i think you still mean something to him....like there will always be a special place in his heart for you.

I don't think I will ever feel okay after what I went through. but good luck to you and your journey.

[mulligan]

6 months in for me. NC for 3. Not only do I miss her and our times together, I also try to understand why. I am different then some, if I was to do it over again, I would never treat her as well as I did, it just made it harder on me. And I have no idea why she had such anger. I would tell you to find your best friend and count on them and their help. And never forget how they helped you get through this. All the best...

[Charlotte12]

Thank you...you had been really good to me and you always say the right words. Yes, luckily I started therapy right away and it has helped a lot.

[Charlotte12]

You're not crazy.

I have so many unanswered questions myself. I have no idea how people can just move on like we were nothing to them. After 7 (?) years, i think you still mean something to him....like there will always be a special place in his heart for you.

I don't think I will ever feel okay after what I went through. but good luck to you and your journey.

 

I ask myself the same thing. How can they move on like that? Maybe you are right...maybe I still mean something, but apparently it is not enough for him to do anything, not even an apology, not even a "how had you been?"...

Allipie, I am curious about what happened to you (i will read your posts)... trust me, you will be okay. It will take time though, I couldn't manage to do anything but crying the first few weeks. But time really helps. The pain takes you to the darkest places anyone could imagine still, I think there's always light at the end of the tunnel...even though it may take some time to get there.

Thank you for the good wishes and for taking the time to respond, you can send me messages whenever you need to! Hugs!

[Charlotte12]

6 months in for me. NC for 3. Not only do I miss her and our times together, I also try to understand why. I am different then some, if I was to do it over again, I would never treat her as well as I did, it just made it harder on me. And I have no idea why she had such anger. I would tell you to find your best friend and count on them and their help. And never forget how they helped you get through this. All the best...

 

I am very fortunate to have amazing friends that are helping me through this difficult time. This person was my best friend too though, and it is hard not to think of him whenever something happens in my life good or bad.

The best for you too mulligan, thank you for taking the time to respond.

[janut1]

I can't add much more then what has already been said. I was in my last relationship for 19 months, so not even close to the time you were in yours and after 2 months and 3 weeks since the BU, I have bad days like today when I feel like I will never stop hurting like I do now. My heart actually aches sometimes when I think of him and I really don't like that feeling.

 

All we can do is take each minute, hour, day at a time and try to get out there and do things that will take our minds off of our X's.

 

Take care of yourself and post here as much as you need to.