I've become the other woman

[abitbroken]

He says that YOU have to prove to HIM that the relationship can work. you have zero to prove. HE has everything to prove. Honestly, he is acting this way because you allow it. Set boundaries. You will NOT talk to him except when you MUST as far as exchanging kids, their classes, etc. You can do a lot of this by email. Do not invite him over. He can pick up the kids from your parents or from you at a public place. You can tell him that you will not speak with him otherwise until he is no longer with her, dumps her and is alone for six months. But really you should do this for YOUR healing until you can talk to him without sex just happening. This could be a year or two.

 

Also, what garbage leaves his family to pursue a married woman and encouraged her to leave her husband? Well, he never exactly committed to you in marriage, so he REALLY wants to keep his options open. I suggest a formal visitation agreement and you focus on your kids.

 

And stop having sex. Don't pop out another kid thinkign that will get him to stay.

[lavenderdove]

>>I dont want it to stop. Because I still get a little bit of him for a little while.

 

So you won't stop because you don't want to. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way. As in spending holidays and birthdays alone while he happily lives his family life with the other woman and sneaks over to bang you when he gets bored.

 

You're settling for crumbs and left overs. I suggest you get some counseling to straighten out your head. He's treating you like a hooker and you're letting him. That's not healthy, and you need to understand that. He's already told you he doesn't really want you or love you and really wants this other woman. He wants his kids and this other women. Which eventually means you might have a custody battle on your hands when he decides he wants to play happy family with your kids and this other woman and cut you entirely out of the picture.

[abitbroken]

What example does this show to your children? If they see you taking any and all breadcrumbs, it shows them its okay if they are a boy and a girl will be faithful to him even if he has another woman. It shows a girl that she should expect that its normal for a man to have as many women he wants. Kids are perceptive. Really, either you and he live together as a family or you separate yourself from him and have structured and predictable visitation times between him and the kids. Having parents who has split is hard, but young kids do so much better when there is predicability and structure. If some days they wake up and daddy is in bed with mommy in the morning and then he is not for a week, and just comes in and out, they may begin to think that dad is there sometimes or not because of their behavior. So get a set visitation schedule that is stuck to and don't see him otherwise. Its not just about you.

[lavenderdove]

And even worse: They see Mommy and Daddy in bed together one day, then the next they go for visitation with Daddy at this other woman's house and see Daddy in bed with her. What example are you trying to set for them? That is is OK for Mommy to be the other woman? that it is OK to lie and cheat? That polygamy is acceptable? That Mommy is at home banging Daddy one minute then weeping the next when he goes back over to Mommy #2?

 

Seriously, this is an impossible situation you are expecting your children to accept, and you need to toughen up and remember that accepting crumbs will leave you starved and sick and leave your children totally confused and upset.

 

The other posters are right... this isn't just about you. And you need to get some counseling to help support you while you adjust your attitude and life to match the circumstances, which are that your ex is totally in love with another woman and willing to sometimes use you for a variety booty call when he's in the mood. There's nothing in that other than extending your pain and heartbreak. He's made his choice, and it isn't you, so the sooner you really accept that (and everything that that means), the sooner you'll heal and be able to get on with your life and find a new partner who does want you.