Love my bf, but am craving other guys....

[Kbelles]

i have been with my bf almost a month now. he is by far the most wonderful male i have ever held conversation with/made love with/spent time with. overall, our relationship is great. we have great communication, we laugh and joke together, and are highly affectionate with one another. sounds great right? then why am i having an ever-increasing urge to have sex with other guys?

 

i don't know whats wrong with me. im VERY attracted to my bf, but something in me badly wants to sleep with an old 'friend with benefits'. this FWB is someone i used to see before i met my bf. once my bf and i became exclusive, the FWB ended. but i know deep down that this person is only a phone call away if i ever wanted to do something with him.

 

i dont want to betray my bf's trust by being weak but everyday these urges are getting stronger and stronger. i feel like anyday now im gonna do something stupid (like cheat on my bf). i cant even look my bf in the eye b/c even though i havent done anything, i feel like ive already betrayed him by having these thoughts and urges. i feel guilty and i feel like its not fair to him because he trusts me enough not to cheat on him and i know he would never cheat on me. i love him SOOOO much and when i think of him i feel so lucky to have him. and for all my love, i still cant explain away my urges.

 

he feels that i am the "only girl for him" and has told me that he doesnt WANT anybody else. i feel HORRIBLE for "wanting" someone else. i dont know what to do. is this normal? is there any way to overcome these feelings? any advice would be great...

[Outlaw2747]

Oh man...this sounds really, REALLY bad. There are a few things you could do. These suggestions will sound really bad but bear with me, I am trying to be sympathetic. Have more sex with your boyfriend or spend WAY more time with him. Get your mind off these other guys by being with your boyfriend more. Hate to jinx ya but it sounds like you won't be able to control this odd urge for any longer. Perhaps you should tell your boyfriend what you have been thinking about. It will hurt him I know fo it but it will save him alot of anguish in the long run. I just hope he don't end up like me...bitter and all.

 

I have dealt with your type before, they just never expressed themselves honestly like you did and I am sure me and everyone else here can congratulate you for that. I wish I could know what is going on in the minds of people like that. If you love him, you would do everything in your power to keep yourself from going off the edge. And no this isn't normal, it is odd and completely wrong. You need to seek help and fast or you just might create another jerk guy in this world.

 

P.S. SEX AIN'T EVERYTHING.

[REALITYMAN]

what do you really feel ? could it be that you are afraid of the commitment stage you are entering and want to do this to run away from the serious relationship ? could it be fear ? why would you have these thoughts if you love him ? i think you are getting cold feet , thus , you want to find an outlet . i hope it helps . do not do it if you are afraid of commitment . good luck , realityman

[Adzy]

hmm...i know this is going to sound stupid to some people, but it makes a lot of sense. Try not to see ur bf as much. But dont see any other guys either. Dont have sex with him for as long as possible, and dont touch yourself over him. Try and get him out of ur mind. U will start to crave your boyfriend. You will want him sooo bad. And eventually, when you've had too much, then give in to all your temptations. People want what they cant have, so the concept of cheating (sadly, and annoyingly) can easily become a sexual fantasy. I also sometimes (i hate to admit it) think about my ex in that way...even tho i dont want to.

When i was going out with my ex, i occasionally had very deep fantasy's about my current girlfriend. Now that i'm going out with her, I have (occasionally) quite deep fantasy's about my ex. It sounds bad, but its human nature.

 

Hopefully your temptations for this other guy will slowly fade away...

 

Hope for the best!

[fmfisdead]

I think what possibly may be going on here is that your attracted to your boyfriend now, he has all the qualities you could ever look for in a guy, BUT as for a sexual partner you totally lust this other guy. While being with my ex I'll admit that I had thoughts about other people but I would never go as far as to say I'm having extreme urges that I'm not sure I can control. I think whats going on is that you know this guy is a good guy and has qualities that are NORMALLY desirable, but yet, may not be all that your desiring. You've gotta ask yourself if your desiring a guy like him or if you desiring to just have a friends with benefits no strings attached. Make a pros and cons list and see what you can come up with. Just seriously think all of this out before you do anything irrational. I would like to know what you come up with then so pm me and tell me how it goes, good luck.

[Outlaw2747]

Yea it is quite disturbing. But like a former poster said, if it is committment you fear, I suggest not going any further with him. Sadly, one wishes that you thought about all this before you committed. I think one of the major problems with most relationships these days is the fact that no one ever thinks anything but I LOVE HIM/HER before actually committing. People need to start taking into account how the other person feels and know what you want out of a relationship. I have some sympathy for you since you was good enough to admit all of this but the person I truly feel sorry for is that poor guy you are with now. i hope somehow you can come to your senses and stay with your guy, because I'm gonna tell you right now, if he is the guy you say he is, there ain't many like him in this world anymore...you might wanna straighten up.

[Cecelius]

Go to your b/f and explain that you want to see other people. You should do this as soon as possible.

 

The reason for this is simple: your b/f deserves better treatment than any other guy you are or could be involved with just because he is your b/f. If you act as if these "urges" are coming from outside you and that you are worried about being swept away (c'mon, you're 19 -- everyone who is 19 wants to be swept away by something), etc., it will add that much fire to the passion.

 

Having the passion is not the problem -- pretending to yourself and to your b/f that you two are sexually exclusive is the problem.

 

Just let your b/f know that you want to see (that's a euphemism) other people -- and isn't that the truth? You want to have him AND other guys. Just be honest with the b/f and you will have no guilt and no remorse.

[Outlaw2747]

He's right. he might not like the result however. But for every action, there usually is a consequence. The mistake you made was "dedicating" yourself to him. But now that you have realized your issue, you (or him) must deal with the issue at hand. This matter must be resolved as soon as possible. Wish you the best of luck.

[Day_Walker]

This behavior is normal given what has happened with your previous FWB situation. The relationship with your FWB ended and you need to know that it has ended. If these feelings continue then you need to realize that you may seem to love your bf apparently your instincts/behavior is telling you otherwise. It seems strange to me that you can say that you love you bf after you have only been with him for a month, it seems a lil soon to me. What it is going to come down to is that you are going to have to think and figure out what you really want because as of right now you just seem to be confused.

[fmfisdead]

Hey I think everyone is giving great advice on this subject but I think one thing you should consider outlaw is that your bringing a lot of personal bias into your giving of advice. Just saying...

[Outlaw2747]

Actually if you think about it, my advice is NOT biased and here is why. My incidents and the incident of the one asking for advice are actually quite common among both sexes. And the advice I gave is quite logical as well. Everyone should carefully think out what they want in a relationship and take into consideration how their needs and wants will affect their partner am I right? Now of course I am quite bitter but our friend here ADMITS to thinking wrong but she is putting in an effort to fix herself and I congratulate her for that. I appear biased because I have been hurt by a person somewhat like her and quite bitter about it BUT i got more respect for her than I do others like her. Not only that, just because someone is stern and critical no matter what does not mean they are biased (and the words prejudice and unfair are synonymous with biased by the way which I am NEITHER). When giving advice, you cannot always be too sympathetic but you have to open the eyes of the person asking for help in order to establish an understanding and mentality to better cope with the situation. I expect no less from anyone else here should I ever ask for advice. All I am saying is no matter who you are, we must THINK before we act. If sex is such a big thing, then maybe a DEDICATED relationship isn't the best option.

 

P.S. I am not flaming but merely defending myself and proving a very valid and important point and I am sure our friend here will agree with me. I do not give advice like that to necessarily belittle someone, but to create a mindset and open a pair of eyes here. I hope this clears up any misconceptions.

[Kbelles]

i REALLY appreciate everyone's advice. Outlaw, i can understand and respect where you are coming from. now that ive had some more time to reflect, i think i am afraid of commitment. in fact, the reason i had started a FWB arrangement was because i didnt want to get my heart broken (which it has been before).

 

with my bf, he caught me completely off guard. i wasn't looking for a bf when i found him but it just so happens that hes not like anyone ive ever met and we decided to become exclusive. (INSTANT CHEMISTRY type of thing). he asked me to be his girl and i said yes. all this happened in the midst of my FWB situation.

 

im trying to spend as much time with him as possible (when hes not around is when i get these weird cravings for other people). i seem to find strength in his presense and when im with him, i dont even LOOK at other guys. so thank you everyone for your advice. i continue to be open to further replies

[Outlaw2747]

No problem. I don't think you are such a horrible person if you honestly came for help with your issue. There is just some sort of chemical imbalance in ya? LOL j/k But anyways, yea just try to either spend more time with your bf or like the other guy said, keep your distance from guys period and eventually you will turn all of that sexual frustration BACK to your boyfriend and have the time of your life. Take this nice and slow. I will admit, I was (and still somewhat am) a sexually frustrated person but I am saving all of that frustration for the one I love. The only difference is that I am single but try it out....you never know. Better than cheating right?