GymSweetie Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Hi All, Things were going pretty well mid december. The ex made it a point to mention he had broken up with his new gf early december. I was concerned he would be spending the holiday alone as he has no family nearby. I gave him a $50 gift card to his favorite store. He seemed pleased. Thanked me several times and hugged me. It was a gift from my heart and truly a friendly gesture. I didn't see him again until after Christmas-at that time I asked how things were going-he just said fine. A few days later one of our mutual friends brought it up that she had bumped into him & his gf on Christmas Day. She went on & on about all the gifts he had for her and was really nosey about what they did that day. Needless to say it was awkward for me to listen as he tried to sidestep all the questions. And, it hurt that he didn't give me anything. Not that I gave to receive (it hurt that I gave to him & he gave to her not me-i have been a really good friend to him & he knows it) I felt so betrayed. Ok, yes I still care about him and I still have feelings for him. I will always love him as a friend. I don't understand why he couldn't just be straight up! If he could tell me he broke up with her, why couldn't he tell me they got back together. Has anybody else extended themselves this season only to be hurt by the ex? And does anybody have any tools for coping with the ex as a friend? Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Years ago, I also used to be "friends" with my exes and give christmas or birthday presents. Yeah, I'd get a thanks, but never a gift in return. It sucks, especially when you still have feelings for them. It's not really a true friendship, you're just kinda hoping one day you'll get back together with them. I find it's pretty hard to be true friends with an ex. I think a true friendship like that can only happen once a lot of time has gone by and neither one has feelings for the other anymore. I personally wouldn't talk to this guy until you get over him. He's seeing someone else, so why continue to hurt yourself. You are clearly a kind and loving person, I think there's a lot of guys out there that would love to meet a girl like you! Go get 'em! Link to comment
Emotional Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 Was he ur ex or ur boyfriend? Im a litttle confused... Well I did the right thing by giving the ex's present to my bro whos their for me a lot more than my ex has been. I feel bad now tho heres my story.... We were kindof kissing and stuff like a month before december i guess and seeing eachother and talkin to eachother somewhat... Well i guess we both got eachother something but i guess he got a girlfriend and i didnt know about her. He didnt tell me about her and the only way i found out was becuase i called and her friend pickedup his phone and her friend handed it to his girlfriend and then the girlfriend askes who i am and crap...So then Her friend yells..my ex's name and Girlfriend...I was like ummm Can i speak to my ex lol.. He acts like he just doesnt care and tells me its kind of late for me calling. HI ask him simnple question sbaou this Girlfriend and when they started going out and everything. it was like a few days before newyears eve ... I talked to him befor than and he didnt mention no Girlfriend. I ended up being so upset and gave the present to my bro instead. I regret giving it to him tho becuase... My ex called me lastnight Kinda late to talk to me and i guess he was at a buddys dorm walkin around while he was drunk i guess...I was mad when i answered the phone but it was hard to stay mad knowing his girlfriend is in cali lol. So he just talked to me and i listened and kinda put off the gift thing but I feel BAD! He still has my present and at the time of the phone call the first time i felt like tellin him to give my present to his new girlfriend...But yeah i dont know what to do i guess he got me somethin lol Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 i gave my ex a birthday gift back in august (i painted him a picture of his cherished 1969 muscle car)...he absolutly LOVED IT! he coldnt stop thanking me, he apparently got a frame for it, it looked AWESOME! it was very personal gift & the look on his face said what a million words couldnt. his mom even called me to thank me b/c i was the only person on this planet that remembered him on his birthday!!!! THE ONLY PERSON WHO GOT HIM ANYTHING!!! .....and i heard from him 1nce after that via instant messege & never again...gee, thanks. so no way would i even think of giving him a christmas present. though i tried to suck it up & start my year off right so i sent him & a few others a very nice warm lengthy happy new years email. it was very sincere & uplifting, he replied to it w/ 3 words. 'same to you' shows how much effort hes willing to put in. so he is O-U-T OUT! of the picture. never again will i be so kind to an ex. -DG724 Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 just a card no thank you or wished well . I guess he wants to rid me or expects me to call. no way baby. Link to comment
GymSweetie Posted January 3, 2005 Author Share Posted January 3, 2005 Was he ur ex or ur boyfriend? Im a litttle confused... I guess to be completely clear...he was a friend I became intimate with...from hereon referred to as exfb. Link to comment
Universe Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 I bought her a gift with the intention that if she did not contact me on x-mas and initiate a gift exchange that I would return her gift and not contact her. I think that's the best policy if you're the dumpee. But I guess my advice is a little late. GymSweetie, screw this guy. He's an *ss. He either doesn't respect your friendship (or your past relationship for that matter) or he's trying to send you a message by not getting you anything. That message being: Give up. I've moved on. Don't waste anymore of your caring heart on him. You'll find someone more worthy than this guy. Trust me. Just focus on yourself and love yourself. All the best. Link to comment
makeshiftdoll Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 I actually bought my ex a gift, a copy of my favorite book. He mentioned (while we were dating) that he wanted to read it. The reason I bought him anything at all was because I was spending Christmas with his family and I had gifts for everyone... would have felt a little bad, you know? Oddly enough, he bought me a copy of *his* favorite book for Christmas. Talk about weird. I'm sure someone mentioned to him that I was getting him something, but hey, it was still nice. Though my ex was a complete jerk for what he did to me, I still care about him a lot... we've maintained some sort of 'ship throughout all of this... and with feelings on both ends. He just needs to grow up. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 5, 2005 Share Posted January 5, 2005 I too had bought non refundable gifts for my ex before we broke up in Nov... clothes mostly. Friends suggested giving them to charity, or to my brother. I didn't want to see my brother wearing all these clothes though that I had bought for my ex...it would have just made me upset. I also didn't want to give them charity only because I had picked them out especially for my ex and I still love him, and who knows, we are kind of working towards a reconciliation.... Any rate, I told him he could have them, and he ended up buying me a nice DVD/VCR combo for Christmas, since my DVD player was dying. I think in some situations it's OK, but others, it's best to do nothing. Link to comment
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